AIBU to ask if anyone else does not feel overwhelmed?

[Highhigh]

Does anyone else just NOT feel overwhelmed?? Off the back of the overwhelmed parenting thread. I just can’t relate to a lot of it. We both work full time, 2 dc, kids activities. My house is tidy, I get to relax, maybe my dc are too easy going? I don’t stress easily to be fair…but surely I’m not the only one who feels this way?! Anyone else?

and no I’m not bragging or boasting and yes I know everyone is different but I’m asking is there ANYONE else who is just NOT overwhelmed or stresses with life?

OP, I can’t quite put my finger on something about the tone of your post. You seem slightly exasperated at having all these overwhelmed people around you, like they’re people trapped in a bad boyfriend cycle who keep making poor decisions.
I’m sure that you’re not intending it to read like this, but you’re coming across as a little complacent, as though your lack of overwhelm is entirely due to a combination of superior perspective, top-drawer emotional intelligence and astute life choices.
And, y’know, good for you for cultivating all those things 🤷🏼‍♀️

As others have said, a lot of overwhelm is due to events (often sudden, bad events) that are not within people’s locus of control, and people are going to reach out to sites like MN for support and advice in a way that they aren’t when things are going ok.

It’s the same with fertility issues. As my husband reminded me when I was v worried we wouldn’t be able to have children, the online landscape of TTC is skewed by the fact that all the women over 35 who are getting pregnant easily with no issues, are not generally posting about it on the internet. They’re just getting on with painting the nursery and shopping for cots.

The people who aren’t overwhelmed are - I would guess - just tootling along and not talking about it much on MN. I’m sure you can understand this as being the reason why the overall balance of MN threads is the way that it is.

I suppose it’s just hard to see the motivation or purpose for your post. Anyway OP, I’m glad you aren’t overwhelmed. Long may it continue! Wishing you all the best.

I don’t feel overwhelmed most of the time but occasionally I do. It’s usually if I’ve not had enough sleep. We have very complicated lives though, if we had one house which wasn’t being renovated we’d be laughing because we are very fortunate; we are well off, my OH doesn’t work, we have family around. I would say my general propensity to be stressed / overwhelmed is very low, which has not really worked in our favour to be honest because we’ve just taken on far more stuff than is sensible. If I was a more naturally stressed person I’d have either said ‘no’ to loads of stuff or had a breakdown.

This is lols

Also, well done you for your second child not being very unexpected twins! Imagine for a moment if it had been.

A large part of the overwhelm I feel is down to the seismic impact of having three DC - on finances, leisure, wellbeing, patience, mental bandwidth, sleep etc etc - when DH and I were only ever planning to have two 😏

Life is pretty easy at the moment, kids are year 6 and 9, no health issues, live fairly moderately but no money worries.

However, a few years ago, I was caring for my mum who had Alzheimer’s, going through a promotional process at work and moving house and the kids were younger and needier. My stress levels were sky high and I was very overwhelmed.

I am loving this settled calm time but life is peaks and troughs, I expect I will have some tough times again whatever they may look like.

Do you feel better now? Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered @Highhigh maybe @Highhigh is actively trying for a third right now?! You really have no idea.

I think it’s fairly clear from OP’s post that she means the daily grind.
Honestly, I feel the same way. I completely get that lots of people feel overwhelmed and everyone’s situation is different, but on a general life level I just don’t tend to feel that constant daily stress people talk about. Aside from major life stressors or genuinely difficult periods, day to day life doesn’t overwhelm me.
We both work full time, have two kids, activities, the usual juggle and most of the time it just feels manageable rather than chaotic. The house is always tidy, we still get lots of downtime, and things tick along. I do all my own cleaning and laundry is ironed.
Maybe some of it is temperament, maybe some of it is having fairly easy-going kids, maybe some of it is just not stressing about the small stuff. But I definitely don’t wake up every day feeling stressed that I need to do x, y and z.
None of this means I’m NOT thankful, nor do I assume things will stay this way forever.

I feel totally overwhelmed and don't even have children.
Things that impact me:
Physical health issues that make everyday extremely difficult.
Struggling with even part time work due to the above.
Perimenopause severely impacting my mental health.
Being neurodivergent.
Being single and having no support day to day.
Not earning enough money due to health issues.
Aging and unwell parents.

It's great you don't feel overwhelmed but a lot of it is down to life circumstances as well as makeup. If you found yourself unwell, unable to work and struggling to pay the bills, had a disabled child or your relationship broke down things might feel very different very quickly.

Lucky you, enjoy it :)

I think this comes down to (a) circumstances or (b) wiring.

I’m (b) - I’m mostly overwhelmed by the daily grind. I’ve only got one kid and a great partner but unfortunately it turns out being a mum (on top of busy job) has stretched me past my natural coping capacity a bit. Perimenopause sure isn’t helping though. And I think I might be ADHD or at least have strong tendencies in that direction.

I've got no reason to feel overwhelmed on paper. I work part time, financially comfortable, low stress job.

Yet I am, because I'm a worrier and a perfectionist and always have been. I create the overwhelm myself.

You’re quite right.

It sounds like you've found a nice balance.

I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment:

• 3 children with EHCPs, 2 at special school, 1 not receiving education.
• Reliant on UC to top up our income.
• DH's public sector job is at risk. The job market is dire.
• Children are approaching adulthood so UC will stop but they will still need to be cared for. Currently waiting for work capability assessments that will give access to UC in their own right but if they don't happen by August then our UC for one child will stop and she won't get UC in her own right.
• I've had 12 appointments in 3 days, in 3 different towns, all between ½ an hour and an hour from each other.

I could go on... I'm just saying it isn't always smooth.

I assume there are people like this, who don't suffer the overwhelmed feeling, unfortunately I'm not one of them. Be very thankful for just being able to get things done.

If she's 18, she can get UC. She just might not get the higher rate. She will get UC like all unemployed adults though.

I think generally how you react to stress is personal rather than specifically related to the situation.

Im a single parent to 2 kids, one of whom has additional needs, with a not-very-involved dad. I’ve had some quite serious health issues this year.

I work nearly full time and earn reasonably well but not crazy money. I’m lucky (unlucky???) that I’ve had some inheritance so no mortgage. I have a cleaner.

I feel stressed sometimes but never overwhelmed to the point of burnout. Get plenty of time with my friends and to relax. My house is far from spotless but it’s clean enough, most stuff runs reasonably smoothly.

Not if she's in full time education. The Government changed the law so that full time students can only get UC if they have already established limited capability for work before their course starts. The assessment process is hideously behind. We submitted forms in November. Some people are just being told they won't be assessed.

Why would she get UC if she is in FTE and you get CB etc for her?

She's turning 19 and has an EHCP. Child benefit will stop (and with it the child element and disability element of UC) but she isn't able to work because of her disability, yet (possibly for some time but hopefully may be able to work in some way in the future) but is just starting college education because she's a couple of years behind.

She can claim UC in her own right with the disability element if she is deemed to have limited capability for work (she will be, due to her disability) but that can only happen if the assessment takes place before the end of August.

You are probably in a bubble and totally unaware of what’s going on. This is not a bad thing and I wish I could be like it.

Your income is £120,000. I would say from my experience money solves pretty much every issue. This is why you are not overwhelmed.

In a very similar situation and I feel similar but it took a change in jobs and until I hit my 50s. I FINALLY feel I am in charge of what I do, instead of playing catch up. Life seems much smoother, money not an issue as such (we've live in a smaller terrace, nearly 30yrs, in a cheap area for our whole married life, never upgraded as most friends did.so mortgage has paid off). But mine and DH roles at home work well together. About 2 mths ago I actually said for the first time I feel on top of most stuff, whereas in the past I have been very overwhelmed which can be quite debilitating.
I do worry about our DC and nephew/nieces and how they they will cope. I see that we are probably the better off generation. We are definitely better off than my parents, and are better off than our kids , who despite good jobs, will struggle.

So you don’t have a child with a disability or long-term illness? Or a parent or other close relative who needs regular support with living and/or navigating lots of healthcare appointments?

And you have a household income that is 2.2x the national average, and easy childcare arrangements and a very short commute. And a house which isn’t making you unwell.

Yes, I think most families have one or more factor that would make life harder. And good health, and decent income for that matter is mainly good luck, which you may well find out at some point in your life. I know I did.

Im sure there are numerous people who feel similar to you but I think most of the people stressed and overwhelmed aren’t living in the same circumstances as you.

I’m fully aware that lots of people live to their means so a high salary doesn’t always mean lots of disposable income. However it buys you freedom and choices that aren’t available to those on a much lower income. You can afford to spend a little more on things to make life a bit more convenient whether that be a takeaway or a meal out when everyone’s had a busy day, pay for online grocery shop (lower budget supermarkets don’t offer this) a cleaner, a gardener, tradesmen etc, after school care, holiday clubs or hobbies and activities. At the most extreme, things like move or downsize the house, sell a car in order to ease the pressure elsewhere.

With that kind of salary a good 75% of my issues over the last 15 years would have been nonexistent. I wouldn’t be concerned when my child suddenly shot up a shoe size or had a growth spurt and needed a whole new wardrobe, how we were going to find the money to fix the third car issue in as many months when the car is needed to get to work or repair yet another problem with a 100 year old house.

Add in things like children with additional needs, those that hate school or have friendship issues, medical issues, job insecurity, relatives with high needs and it’s not difficult to see how so many people are feeling overwhelmed with daily life. I’m not naive I know money doesn’t buy happiness but not having to worry about it does give you the head space to tackle lots of the other things life throws your way.

Hmm I've not got to this yet and I'm not sure what could happen. As for the earlier questions. Here's the scenerio from when kids were young

What is your income- total income 12kplys tax credits
how long is your commute- varied
do you have a cleaner, - no
do you have a mortgage,- yes
do you have a car that requires maintenance? - yep
Do you have a support network? - as in parents who do regular childcare- no
Do your parents help? - no
Do you use childcare that your children don't mind going to? Yes-
Is your house one that requires work doing? - yes
Do any of your family have health issues? -no

This was a a self employed single parent of 3 kids. One annoying PITA ex and one decent one. Always skint.

And repeat the same for now

What is your income- total income 17k
how long is your commute- varies
do you have a cleaner, - no
do you have a mortgage,- no
do you have a car that requires maintenance? - yep
Do you have a support network? - as in parents who do regular childcare- no.
Do your parents help? - n/a
Do you use childcare that your children don't mind going to? N/@
Is your house one that requires work doing? - yes
Do any of your family have health issues? -

Also had both parents die within. 18 months of each other, a cancer diagnosis and treatment . Also a 6 week spell in hospital with sepsis where I wasn't earning. Brother diagnosed with cancer Grandchild stillborn. 2 best friends died . This is within 6 years

But no I can't really say I've been " overwhelmed". Brought up with the mindset " life's shit learn to deal with it"

Same OP - never felt overwhelmed by parenting, but we have 2 FT jobs, so enough money, I’m from a big family so was very used to kids being around, and both our kids are/ have mostly been ‘easy’.
As in slept well as babies, no health concerns, no SEN etc. I think that makes a big differences - esp the sleep bit! Luck of the draw.