AIBU to ask if anyone else does not feel overwhelmed?

[Highhigh]

Does anyone else just NOT feel overwhelmed?? Off the back of the overwhelmed parenting thread. I just can’t relate to a lot of it. We both work full time, 2 dc, kids activities. My house is tidy, I get to relax, maybe my dc are too easy going? I don’t stress easily to be fair…but surely I’m not the only one who feels this way?! Anyone else?

and no I’m not bragging or boasting and yes I know everyone is different but I’m asking is there ANYONE else who is just NOT overwhelmed or stresses with life?

I think in those circumstances we'd all be fairly stress-free. There's your answer.

Same as some other posters, developed resilience due to hard childhood so nothing really phases me as an adult! Arranged my life to be easier also!

Good for you

I never found young children, extensive mess, or multiple houseguests overwhelming. I don't find it overwhelming to cook for random people on short notice, travel with kids, bring children to various places which Mumsnet would think inappropriate, etc.

Here are the things I find overwhelming:
a grown up unhappy child whom I can't help, an angry family member, a disconnected husband. I lose myself, and feel like my mind is taken over by other people's emotions- that is what is hard for me to manage gracefully.

@Shimmy1983 im always saying to people to make things as easy as possible!! My friend was picking out a new kitchen she was looking at a shaker style with grooves in the centre part..until I pointed out all the extra cleaning they required. She went for smooth doors In the end! 🤣

That’s clearly not the case on here though

Yes, this is very true. Aspirational parents whose kids do extra curricular activities 5 days a week after school. And often aren’t in bed until 10pm!

And then they decide to get a dog 😅

Short commute and high income - I’d definitely feel like you.

Ha the number of people I know who have done this! Little boy asks me for a dog and I just tell him we’re not ready for one - you have to walk them and consider them for everything ie holidays!

For me, it’s the job.

We are a neurodiverse family which definitely adds to the lack of relaxation. We tried to put a film on today for DC for example. We just wanted an hour to sit. But they spent the entire time jumping up and down and then acting half of it out. Now they need to get out and burn off the energy from trying to be in one room for more than an hour so we are going to have to have an hour walk, so we are essentially being punished for trying to sit down.

I see other people who just have lie ins (ours are up at 5am every day) or evenings to relax (ours won't go to bed until 10). We don't have any childcare or family support. My 'downtime' is a 5 mins shower IF I barricade the bathroom door.

The main thing I feel overwhelmed about is my job. It’s full time but rarely 9-5. I often work evenings and extra time. I reckon I do around 50 hours a week. This impacts my ability to do exercise, see friends or relax. If I had a job that was less hours I would feel better. Sadly with two kids in nursery and a London mortgage this isn’t really an option. I never used to feel like this and loved my job, but recently I’ve been dreaming of working part time. I reckon I would be really good at doing community volunteering work and having more time with the kids. The other thing that stresses me is the lack of real friends I have anymore, I don’t have anyone to talk to. A lot of my friends have moved away and whilst we keep in touch it’s stunted and they all have more local friends who take up the majority of their free time. I’ve not managed to meet anyone else local (see working a lot as part of the reason for that).

I’m a single parent and work full-time. No help. I don’t get overwhelmed by some of the things that my friends do because quite frankly, I can’t! I have to keep going.

If I had a husband and a family purse of £120k I’d be happier. But as envy is the thief of joy, I’m happy with my lot. My username explains how I approach most things.

I'm the same. I'm never stressed or overwhelmed. I work in a professional, corporate role, have a year 11 doing GCSEs, have never had any family help with childcare, have a sister with terminal cancer in her 40s, don't have a cleaner etc. I get plenty of exercise, do hobbies, my house is always clean and tidy. I feel completely happy and relaxed with my life.

Everyone gets stressed sometimes even if its low level stress and not glaring. It's a part of being alive. It's how we manage that stress and anxiety that is different from person to person.

I have a great life and still occasionally stress over things. I work very hard not to ruminate over things I cannot change and to work at things that I can if they are causing me worry so the overall impact in my life is lessened.

I wonder how much overwhelm is undiagnosed (or diagnosed) ND. My bandwidth / capacity has reduced significantly over time as well. I am a lot less resilient now than I used to be; but the challenges I am trying to manage (elderly frail and difficult mum; challenging job; teenager with chronic illness) are long term ongoing difficult things, and sometimes doing the laundry is the thing that tips me over the edge into "can't cope."

Surely people post because they're feeling overwhelmed, then others join in...not because it is the default feeling of all parents?

Life is busy here (3 kids, own business, large house, teen sports, possible ND (for kids, I am definitely) etc) but not overwhelming in the majority. Sometimes, yes, because days are different.

Great stuff

count your lucky stars, you don’t know what’s around the corner .

Oooh well me and my husband have just got Oura rings which has been a revelation in the stress department. We have found that the higher my stress, the lower his is….. which I reckon is why his life is so chill, because he has me to do all the worrying in the background that makes everything happen.

An example was today when we went out for Easter lunch - he commented in the car how lovely it was to go for a relaxed meal. I meanwhile was overwhelmed as we are on holiday, I had to research the area and where to go for a meal which would suit everyone, make the appointment which wasn’t straightforward as I’d left it to last minute, find the postcode and figure out where to park, work out how to get out the carpark in the accommodation and the codes for how to get back in, and make sure we were all ready. He literally stood up and got in the car 🙈😂

We do have 5 kids, 3 dogs and both work full time though so I guess it goes with the territory.

Why do people do this? Someone shares a simple moment of happiness “I’m happy,” or “I’m not stressed” they say and almost immediately someone feels compelled to reply with, “Give it time, that won’t last,” or “Don’t get used to it.” Why the reflex to dim the light in someone else’s moment?
It’s baffling, and honestly infuriating. A person expresses a bit of joy, and instead of letting it stand, someone rushes in with a prediction of its demise, as if optimism itself needs correcting. Why the insistence on raining on someone’s parade? Why treat happiness like a naïve mistake that must be tempered or warned against?
Sometimes it feels like people cannot tolerate positivity. They seem determined to drag every bright moment back down to their preferred level of cynicism, as though joy needs a disclaimer attached. And it’s exhausting. Not every moment of happiness needs to be followed by a cautionary footnote. Sometimes a person is just happy and that should be allowed without someone else trying to spoil it.
@zebrazoop I know you may not mean it that way, sorry, but there’s been a few of these kinds of comments on threads like this and it’s just so so sad.

I don’t feel overwhelmed at all. But I don’t have the stressors that others have. I’m single so no man to cause issues. One DC has left for uni, the other is here half the time. I coparent well with my Ex-H who is a decent person. I have a good career that I love which allows me a lot of flexibility, good friends and interesting hobbies. My life is good so there’s nothing to be overwhelmed about. This isn’t a humble brag, I’ve just made choices to make sure that stressors are no longer in my life.

@bunnyvsmonkey I understand, mine are the same. One diagnosed ASD, the other on the pathway. Wanting to run around and climb even at the cinema, so I can’t relax as have to be constantly trying to get them back to their seat. Late to bed and early to rise. Not doing any extra activities after school but still falling asleep around 10. Energy vampires!

This was a refreshing read, I also cannot understand those ‘I’m so overwhelmed’ threads, especially when the causes are normal every day stuff like cleaning. We’re not at all overwhelmed, but I never admit to that as it can hit a nerve with some people. We have a mortgage, no family help, chose very flexible jobs to be able to work around DC.