AIBU to expect a tidy house when the children are at school?

[Comparelightly]

AIBU to think if you are sahm and your dc are in school(2 primary and 1 secondary) that your house should be tidy and jobs should be done? I hate comparing and I’m prepared for flack in this too, but my sister is a sahm, her dp works full time(4long days) …I work mon-Fri full time (as does my DP). Our houses are polar opposites, hers is always a mess and so disorganised (and before anyone asks no she has no ADHD etc) she has one more dc that me so we could factor that in. I have offered so often to help her sort things, because she’ll say “oh never mind that pile there I need to sort that” meanwhile I’m thinking “you have been home all day with no dc WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING!?” I’m wondering if she’s depressed? I mean she surface cleans and that’s about it. But there’s stuff everywhere, there’s not one empty surface! I have never once uttered the words “what do you do all day?!” I say nothing. But should I?

Yabu bevause why is it any of your business…

I assumed when you said you and your partner work full time you accessed some type of wrap around childcare instead of going straight home from school

Next time she’s due round at yours, just “happen to be watching” Stacey Solomon’s Sort Your Life Out”. See if the penny drops.

Was the title a Mumsnet ai suggested one? It's really weird and unreasonable to expect anything when it comes to another person's house. You can expect the people who live in your home to adhere to certain standards of tidiness but you have no right to 'expect' your sister to have a tidy home.

In know a couple of people who have a messy house. For them, it's nothing to do with time, but more about inclination and priorities. My SIL for example, lives alone in a small easily manageable house and works three days a week. She's always moaning that her house is dusty yet refuses to employ a cleaner and also doesn't like doing it herself. She has time, she just doesn't want to and prefers the dust to the dusting!

Why do you think think you have the right to EXPECT her home to be tidy to your standards?

what do you think you are contributing in order to EXPECT something from her?

Three things.

1. some people naturally tidy as they go and aren't messy, some people can't do this and are just messy so from the word go they make double the work for themselves without realising.
2. some people prioritise other things over tidying. Tidying is not important to them. It is important to you though. You have different standards of the minimum.
3. you made a comment that you couldn't be a sahm, it wasn't for you as you'd get bored and 'what does she do all day? Heres a clue - she's keeping herself busy and has lots of things she does but her tidying is a low priority, whereas you'd make it your No1 priority and get bored. That's possibly why her house isn't tidy - cos it's fucking boring tidying and she's got plenty of other things to do than tidy all day.

Sorry but you’re judgy and entitled
how dare you look down on her and criticise her for this. You have no idea about her life

Yanbu for thinking that way but it is non of your business. She can live in and keep her home the way she does and you can do the same in your home.

I imagine it does get boring to hear her saying how she needs to do things and so on but not actually doing anything but you can't change it.

You can't understand that this woman might find full time housework boring or depressing or endless drudgery? You yourself tried it and it wasn't for you.

It sounds as if she's drowning, or at the very least she's lost her mojo somewhere along the line. You won't help by pointing out the bleeding obvious.

Some people are messy. Just live and let live.

Don’t judge other peoples houses- especially your sister. Jeez

It's not your business to expect any level of tidiness in anyone else's home. Just mind your own house and keep your nose the fuck out.

With all due respect I don’t think you have any right to expect anything in someone else’s home?

I’ve been a SAHM and worked full time. My house is always tidier when I am working FT as the kids aren’t in the house as much. We also have more money to do activities at the weekend - so less mess.

Maybe she just doesn’t place as much value on a tidy home as you do. It’s a morally neutral thing.

I don’t see why it’s bothering you so much. Let it go.

Not your house, not your problem.

I find it extremely weird that you would “expect” anyone else’s house to be any particular way. I actually thought from the title that this was going to be someone complaining about their spouse, and in that case if a stay at home parent doesn’t appear to be doing much, it probably would be reasonable to be having a chat about division of labour in the house etc. But your sister, who does not live with you? How bizarre.