AIBU to expect a tidy house when the children are at school?

[Comparelightly]

AIBU to think if you are sahm and your dc are in school(2 primary and 1 secondary) that your house should be tidy and jobs should be done? I hate comparing and I’m prepared for flack in this too, but my sister is a sahm, her dp works full time(4long days) …I work mon-Fri full time (as does my DP). Our houses are polar opposites, hers is always a mess and so disorganised (and before anyone asks no she has no ADHD etc) she has one more dc that me so we could factor that in. I have offered so often to help her sort things, because she’ll say “oh never mind that pile there I need to sort that” meanwhile I’m thinking “you have been home all day with no dc WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING!?” I’m wondering if she’s depressed? I mean she surface cleans and that’s about it. But there’s stuff everywhere, there’s not one empty surface! I have never once uttered the words “what do you do all day?!” I say nothing. But should I?

Some people are genuinely fine with mess, my DH is like this. He will sit in his office with piles of books and papers scattered everywhere, as well as multiple mugs and dirty plates etc and just not give a fuck. I could not relax in a room like that at all so I have to tidy it up for him when I see it. He’s happy to walk around mess or just ignore it, I can’t. People are just different. As long as her house isn’t filthy then whatever, just be happy it isn’t your house!

She’s your sister and you love her to bits so you must have had a real frank heart to heart about all this. It hasn’t changed anything so if it bothers you enough to post about it, the obvious thing would be to not go to her home. Invite her to your house or meet for lunch

You are judging. If your household is empty all day plus you have 2 kids you have less people in the house with less time making mess. Or she just sees it not as a priority its not really your concern unless its a health hazard

I mean, I can’t understand why anyone’s that interested in the tidiness of anyone else’s house, so I suppose…

If I was a stay at home parent to kids who were in school then basically I would just be a stay at home person. So personally I would see the cleaning and tidying while the home is empty as my “job”, which would only take a small part of the day and probably leave good time for other things. It sounds like your sister and other people are different and don’t feel that way. If she is happy with her house then that’s all good. But I think it would annoy me if she complained about it despite having time to sort things out

but our kids are all at school for the same hours! Mine are not out of the house longer than hers!

I think you need to question why you care so much. If it’s absolutely filthy then you have a point, she might be depressed. If it’s just messy then whatever, she doesn’t prioritise cleaning as much as you.

I'll bite. I have four DC - 18, 15, 10 and 8. Youngest two have additional needs. I don't have any local family support so when I have done the absolute necessities in terms of tidying up, I rest up and leave everything. It is often carnage from 3pm and in order to cope I have to have a little time to myself each day.

Leave your sister. You don't know what struggles she may have.

If she’s your sister who you love as you say you do, why don’t you ask after her wellbeing and find out why her house is the way it is?

Either she’ll tell you why, or she’ll tell you to fuck off.

The fact you’ve come onto the internet to say “I just don’t understand” says a lot. Taking your question at face value: you’re not very clever if you lack any understanding of such a basic thing. Taking your question for what I think it is: yes dear, you’re better than your sister, far more successful at all-round better at life.

Her dc have no additional needs, she has the same supports as me. We literally live on the same street and our parents live 10mins away…

But so what? Why is it so terribly important to you?

People prioritise things differently in life. Cleaning a house isn't one of mine during school hours. I do what needs to be done and that's all.

This. Yab a twat

I was raised in a messy home and I hated it.
Bringing friends home was embarrassing.
Your dsis isn’t the only person who lives in the house but she is the one with the most free time to tidy up.
It isn’t your business op but I feel sorry for her dh and dc.

YABU. That’s just how they roll in that house.

Clearly she cba.

And I for one don’t blame her.

People just have different ways of living. Some people can’t stand mess and clutter, others are ok with it.
Live and let live. If it doesn’t hurt anyone, so what?

Presumably if it bothered them they would do something about it? Maybe they could get together and put on their Marigolds with the OP.

I'm with you, OP.
Wouldn't think otherwise.

Why would it be a safety hazard?

On the whole in my experience messy people are happier people.

It's literally none of your business how she chooses to run her house.

Tripping and falling over things constantly

Doesn’t sound like you like her that much tbh. Posting about her messy house on Mumsnet, going on about how you tried being a SAHM like her but were soooo bored. Little digs. Not a very nice sister.

I'm similar to you in that I like a tidy and clean home. I prioritise making sure everything's in order before then enjoying my downtime.

My sister is similar to yours. She's messy, has too much stuff everywhere and is very much a surface cleaner. I don't enjoy being in that environment so I don't go to her house.

I'd recommend you do the same because how other people have their homes is really up to them isn't it?