AIBU to find it hypocritical when people discourage me from dating?

[GoldDownload]

Don’t know if this will make any sense but I’m in my 30s and have been single and celibate for 10 years, that’s no dates at all, no kissing, nothing. Whenever I mention dating again I get women telling me not to and to stay on my own, all men are trash etc (their words) whilst I’m guessing they mean well AIBU to find them hypocrites? I think it’s pretty unusual for a woman in their 30s to be celibate for 10 years (gonna have loads of people now telling me they are 30s and have been 😂), I don’t believe they are and for most people that would be quite hard, but they expect me to stay on my own? Or am I unreasonable and there’s all these women in their 30s that have been celibate for a decade? Just feels like they expect me to stay on my own but don’t apply that to themselves.. lots of reasons for this not mainly choice but just the way life turned out

Difficult with dc at home

I think it’s a hard one because it depends on your experiences and what you hear about. I’m happily married but quite a few of my friends have been on & off the dating apps over the last few years, having heard their experiences I wouldn’t recommend the apps to anyone and if I were to become single tomorrow I wouldn’t use them. I’m sure there are good men on them but from the experiences I’ve seen and heard about they are very much needle in a hay stack!

Not really I last had sex in 2019. Before that 2015 and before that I can't even remember but it was years.

You seem to think there's something unusual or special about your celibacy and it really isn't

What's unusual is you thinking it makes you different in some way.

I don’t, but I have heard of much older women who don’t have any interest in sex younger ones not so much…

The trouble is it is very hard to meet men irl now. When I was younger in my 20s and late teens men approached me all the time (not being big headed) now im older it doesn’t happen so unless I just sit there waiting for mr right to knock on my door..

Of course they’re hypocrites! When I was single all friends in committed relationships/ marriages were telling me that I was so lucky to be single, I shouldn't need anyone, how they envied my position etc… Currently some of the same women are in bad relationships with cheating etc but are holding onto these bad relationships because they are too scared to be alone. I wonder why, they’re in the position i was when they were envying me and lecturing me 🙄🙄

As people have already pointed out to you, sex and relationships/dating are very different.

I don't think anyone has said don't have sex if you want it.

You keep banging on about your celibacy being somehow different and it isn't.

It's a choice. Have it or not.

Lots of people in relationships are not having sex and haven't for years. At all ages.

It really isn't that important to many, many people and you're not special wanting it or not wanting it

No-ones going to give you a prize for not having sex for 10 years in your 30s when it's not at all unusual

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/26/the-rise-of-voluntary-celibacy-most-of-the-sex-ive-had-i-wish-i-hadnt-bothered#:~:text=%E2%80%9CThis%20coincides%20with%20a%20long,it%20wasn't%20a%20problem.

Same reason that some people hate to see their friends losing weight - they presumably find some comfort in the fact that they have a friend worse off than them eg fatter/poorer/single etc.

I say this as a somewhat unhappily married person. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to get married and the thought of me dating again makes me shudder, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to completely avoid men either.

Thank you, sick of people telling me they are not hypocrites, apparently they are just letting me know it’s ok to be single?? Erm i know that? ! I’ve been single 10 years! Dont apply to it to themselves though

I don’t see what makes them hypocrites

I don’t think the OP has indicated that her celibacy experience is special - not sure why people are honing in on this tbh. Of course a dry spell in your 40s is different from a 10+ year complete lack of intimacy from your 20s and still ongoing.

FWIW, I think my ideal set-up would be long-term relationship, living separately and a sleepover one night a week 😁

Thank you! I really do think 20s is massively different to 40s.