To think this was not okay?

[Noobzz]

My ex recently left our 8-year-old son outside a motorway services with the dog while they went inside to get something from a café.

He was sitting on a bench and the dog was tethered to it. It was a quiet Sunday morning and they say there were very few people around. However, the café is at the back of the services, so I would say he was out of sight for at least 5 minutes.

Nothing happened, but it’s been playing on my mind. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving him like that, even if it was quiet.

For context, we have 50/50 custody and co-parent really well 99% of the time. They’re a good parent and I do trust their judgement, which is partly why I wasn’t even sure whether to question it — but this just didn’t sit right with me.

We do encourage independence — for example he’s allowed to play across the road at a park visible from their house, which I’m fine with.

They think it was completely reasonable and said I was being over the top for even raising it as an issue. When I did bring it up, they said they wouldn’t do it again, but it was said in a blunt, slightly sarcastic way which has left me feeling a bit unsure.

I don’t think I am, but I’d genuinely like a sense check.

AIBU to think this wasn’t appropriate, or am I being unreasonable?

I think as long as your son is sensible, it's fine.

What's your worry? That he could have been kidnapped? Or that he'd wander off into the road/car park?

No i wouldn't leave my 8 year old unsupervised outside a services. Especially not 'in charge' of the dog.

I dont see how it’s any worse than letting him play at a park on his own across the road. Surely weirdos would be more inclined to target parks? And the services are more likely to have good people around if something untoward did try to happen, and the dog might sound the alarm.

I can’t imagine doing either with an 8 year old to be honest but I do think the services isn’t as bad as the park.

My ex and I share our DD, and we'd both be fine with this. I can't honestly remember when I'd first have left her for five minutes - maybe 6 or so? She's just turned 9 now and would be massively offended if I thought she couldn't sit quietly and wait for me for five minutes. I would leave her for longer if she were able to sit indoors out of the wind, or in the car.

I can see that in theory you should have had a conversation about it, but it wouldn't have crossed my mind you couldn't leave a neurotypical child of that age alone in a public place for five minutes.

Isn't there cctv all over service stations? It seems like a perfectly safe option, assuming your 8 is vaguely sensible.

I wouldn’t be ok with this either.
Just bring the child with you and leave the dog outside ?!

I think 8 is one of them borderline ages where if the area is safe and the 8 year old is sensible then I don't think its terrible. I personally wouldn't do it but I am over protective. I don't think his dad has done anything wrong I think you just parent different

Yes, really just that. I wouldn’t risk it myself. Service stations have a lot of people coming and going and that’s the worry. Where as the park across the road is on a quiet cut-de-sac.

Baring any drip feed by 8 a child should be able to do this.

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old alone at the back of a service station. I would leave the dog in the car and take him in with me . It may be unlikely that something happens but why take a chance .

I wouldn't do this in a million years tbh. I wouldnt leave my teenage daughter on her own outside motorway services!

Personally I would definitely not have done this. Was there some reason why the child was left outside? Was it somewhere where dogs weren't allowed?

But I do think YABU for not being overt about the sex of your or your partner. Feels like you're trying to hide something.

But if he's sensible enough to not go with a stranger then we're talking about him having to be physically picked up and carried off. It's not impossible, but it's very, very unlikely. Probably equal likelihood of going into the cafe with his Dad and getting gunned down by a disgruntled customer/the coffee urn exploding and him suffering terrible burns. Definitely less likely than him being killed in a car accident when they left the services. The risk is really absolutely minimal (if he's sensible, which I assume he is as you let him go to the park).

I would not risk my child’s safety for the sake of a dog. Yes I know the ‘risk’ is minimal but any risk would be too high for me to take on my child’s safety. Nothing bad ever happens until it does. He should’ve left the dog in the car. YANBU.

What? Some teenagers can drive themselves alone to service stations.

For context he is very sensible and is 8 and a half years old if that counts. The dog is an expensive 1 year old black lab. So part of me worried about the dog being stolen or at least being attractive to being stolen. My son is little and looks young for his age. Appreciate the responses.

Well, mine is 14 so she can't. Good for those that can though! Adults can do what they like

Motorway services are grim. They have thousands of people from all walks of life going through them daily. Yes, the chances of something bad happening are slim, but statistically you have a better chance of running into a serial killer or rapist at a service station on a motorway than outside the co-op in your village or whatever

It is more about potentially dangerous adults than how sensible the child is, from my reading of the OP.

I would probably have a word and say it made you uncomfortable, tbh OP, but I wouldn't get into a disagreement over it either. YANBU.

statistically you have a better chance of running into a serial killer or rapist at a service station on a motorway than outside the co-op in your village or whatever

Sure, but what are they going to achieve in 5 minutes in daylight in a public place?

I have an 8 year old and wouldn’t leave her outside our local corner shop alone never mind a service station but mumsnet is full of “cool mums” 🙄

I wouldn’t leave my 8yr old or dog outside a service station!

More chance of running into them, but less chance of them killing/raping you with the amount of CCTV and witnesses. You're more likely to be murdered in a quiet part of your local village, perhaps on your way home from the Co-op.

Outside the local cafe = Yes
Outside a random service station = No

The dog also invites random interactions.

It is a borderline age of independence, one of my DC would feel fine but the other is more cautious being left alone.

And overprotective loons!

I definitely wouldn’t leave a dog unattended- far easier to steal than a child with a voice.

Perhaps the answer would be to leave both in the car until you’ve got what you want, then go and get child and dog.