Aibu - it really can’t be that hard?

[wiw212]

Title: Is this weaponised incompetence or am I being unfair?

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler – something LO has been asking for for five days. Also (selfishly!) meant to be a bit of a break for me as they’ve both been off school/nursery all week and I’ve been on duty 24/7.

I’d already made the dough, so it literally just needed rolling out. Gave very simple instructions: pick up pepperoni and mozzarella.

He gets back, immediately comments on the mess 🙄 and then announces he forgot the mozzarella. Takes eldest back out to get it.

They come back, I finally sit down thinking great, 5 mins peace. Nope.

I’ve now been called in FOUR times:
– “Do I take the baking paper off the dough?”
– “Which tray do I use?”
– “Is the oven hot enough?”
– etc etc

At this point our toddler is basically supervising him.

Genuine question – is this weaponised incompetence or am I expecting too much? Because I’m struggling to believe an adult can’t manage basic pizza assembly without this level of input…

Depends. My dh can be quite anxious that he isn't going to get it right. (Still does my head in though)

Has your DH ever made pizza before?

No actually I think Yabu
If you want peace and quiet, you don’t get the right to also insist on which activity is being undertaken while you do!
My OH is as hands on as it comes but pizza making? He’d deffo be asking questions

Fair but I didn’t dictate - DD did!

Yes this is weaponised incompetence. If you’ve worked out how to make a pizza then he can too.
Leave the house and switch your phone off next time. Go for a coffee and some peace. Sounds like your toddler has this under control…

Tell him that Google is his friend and put your feet up.

Maybe your DH has no interest in making pizza. If you wanted time to yourself, why not ask your DH to bring your toddler out somewhere or do something with her at home - an activity that he’d pick himself and something he’d enjoy too.

50/50.

Annoying that he keeps bothering you but it is an activity you started and he’s taking over, so I can see why he’s checking with you.

Tell him you need an hour to yourself. He can choose for himself how to occupy toddler. If he still bothers you then he is BU.

Well you don’t have to be dictated to by a toddler, they don’t have to have every demand met.

YANBU.

I bet you can’t get a lie in without him popping up to ask you a million questions either, can you? They know you’ll just end up saying ‘I’ll do it myself’ in future.

A grown man could have googled all the info, even if he hadn’t made it before, that’s what I would have done if I didn’t know!

The comments on these posts on weaponised incompetence speak volumes. You are not alone!!!

vm.tiktok.com/ZNRCwskVV/

Was it his idea to do pizza? Your toddler has been asking for pizza all week (when you’ve had them) but suddenly it’s essential he buys ingredients and cooks pizza with the toddler today?

He should be able to competently parent your child without you for a few hours, but insisting on making pizza from scratch while he does it doesn’t seem necessary. If he’s never made it with raw dough before then I’m not surprised he has questions- and I can also understand asking the person in the next room instead of trying to google with a toddler.

Next time just go out and let him figure out the activity choice (and the dinner).

No she’s been asking to make pizza with daddy all week. He said yes on Monday. Today he said ok. I made the dough with them earlier. My eldest was even telling him and he was still checking with me

I think you are somewhat unreasonable. If it's not something your DH has made before or is confident with, I can see why he is asking questions. You could have made your life easier and given him a recipe to follow. Would have potentially resolved the irritation.

I'd have told him he has access to the Internet.

I'm sure he manages to find out other things he doesn't know if he's sufficiently interested.

Also this wasn’t a hard recipe. It was meant for dd to be able to do solo with supervision. It was roll out the base, spread passata from a jar, rip some mozzarella and peperronj and put it on.

The OP had made the dough.

He had to assemble a pizza. That's all.

Simple really… unhappy marriage

Did he express any enthusiasm for getting in from work and immediately making a pizza with his toddler?

Weaponised income is certainly rife and a very common tactic. DB used to deliberately do a bad job of the washing up as a teenager. I was simultaneously irritated (because it meant I had to do it) and impressed (because it had never occurred to me).

iIt’s hard to be sure, OP, but it certainly sounds like it
could be deliberate incompetence. Is he like this with other jobs he doesn’t want to do? Nappy changing for example? ExDP had a long list of reasons why he coiuldn’t change a nappy and if I was out but he thought I was coming home in the next hour, he wouldn’t do it. On the very rare occasion he did do it, he didn’t do it up tightly enough.

Imagine having to parent when you get home from work.

How do these incompetent men get women to agree to marry them. That level of uselessness would be an instant ick for me.

Nope that’s not an excuse for me. If you expect him to supervise it, it’s his decision to make as to if it happens.
Or did he actively agree? That’s not how it reads - more a ‘you decided, told do ahead of time she could make them and then abdicated the responsibility to your OH

Tell him to Google any questions and go for a walk.

Dd asked him on Monday, he said ok. Today he told me he will make it with her as she hadn’t forgotten and kept asking. I made the dough with her in the day to make it easy for him.

Fair enough then. He’s behaving like an arse