Aibu - it really can’t be that hard?

[wiw212]

Title: Is this weaponised incompetence or am I being unfair?

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler – something LO has been asking for for five days. Also (selfishly!) meant to be a bit of a break for me as they’ve both been off school/nursery all week and I’ve been on duty 24/7.

I’d already made the dough, so it literally just needed rolling out. Gave very simple instructions: pick up pepperoni and mozzarella.

He gets back, immediately comments on the mess 🙄 and then announces he forgot the mozzarella. Takes eldest back out to get it.

They come back, I finally sit down thinking great, 5 mins peace. Nope.

I’ve now been called in FOUR times:
– “Do I take the baking paper off the dough?”
– “Which tray do I use?”
– “Is the oven hot enough?”
– etc etc

At this point our toddler is basically supervising him.

Genuine question – is this weaponised incompetence or am I expecting too much? Because I’m struggling to believe an adult can’t manage basic pizza assembly without this level of input…

No but I would have come in and taken it off him and he would have gotten fed up and done something else and then I would be like you asked me to show you why aren’t you listening and he would be like because you’ll just do it anyway.
so I try to be different with the kids (as you can see with varying success)

he had to put some cheese and pepperoni on dough, not exactly cooking a 5 course gourmet meal. Most parents cook every day straight from work, and more elaborate things than pizza

So many of you in the comments appear to be married to absolute buffoons? Why?

We did eat the pizza and eldest gently roasted dh and suggested watching some cooking shows on Netflix.

Was he like this before you married and had kids with him?

It depends.
I can be just like this and it's not weaponised incompetence, just bog standard incompetence because I am not a confident or great cook. Doing it with a toddler in tow would of been a straight up flap for me.

Dd has dragged him off to the park. He wanted me to tell her no but I said he needed to do it and he gave in and they’ve gone.
i will say no more

3, 5, 9 and 11

I get you want a break so he should have taken them out or to do an activity of his choosing

You wanted pizza made you should do it i am sure there is heaps of other things he could have done with them

We have 3 boys one girl. He is too soft on her.

I wouldn’t say unhappy. I love him, he makes me laugh, I feel lonely when he goes out and I’m home alone. Sometimes he feels like my 4th boy. But he also is generous, hands on and kind. Mixed bag.

Im thinking long term. I did the same with the other three. I can say to the eldest come and do x and he can do it. It’s stressful now but it’s like potty training. It pays off

I can sympathise. Whenever dd1 would say she was cooking for the family I'd have to actually leave the house as she'd be asking questions every 5 minutes so no chance of relaxing

YANBU OP. If this was a husband describing his wife’s response to being asked to do the same thing, everyone would be immediately jumping in with criticism of her, asking why she was so incompetent etc. Very rarely do we hear stories of women constantly defecting to their husbands to carry out a fairly basic task. Men are generally held to a much lower standard.

Your DD has been asking for a while if she can make pizza (my teens loved doing activities like that when they were little). It’s a lovely opportunity for them to spend time together doing something she will enjoy. It’s embarrassing that grown men can’t find simple instructions, using the devices they have at the tip of their fingers. It’s not unreasonable to expect him to do so like an adult, and not unreasonable to desire a few minutes to sit down and breathe when you’ve consistently been caring and entertaining for days.

Surely DH can read a recipe or google it?

Judging by the responses here, a number of posters think it is clearly beyond the wit of her DH or indeed any man to just google a recipe or "how do to it"

even by MN standards it's been eye opening

None of my husbands could manage the simplest task alone including diy and gardening. So in the end I decided it was easier to live alone.
It was like looking after children.
Why could he not have used google? Or youtube ff's.

Sometimes I enjoy responding along these lines: saying to him "I'm sure you'll figure it out!" as I make my way out the door for a walk.