Aibu - it really can’t be that hard?

[wiw212]

Title: Is this weaponised incompetence or am I being unfair?

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler – something LO has been asking for for five days. Also (selfishly!) meant to be a bit of a break for me as they’ve both been off school/nursery all week and I’ve been on duty 24/7.

I’d already made the dough, so it literally just needed rolling out. Gave very simple instructions: pick up pepperoni and mozzarella.

He gets back, immediately comments on the mess 🙄 and then announces he forgot the mozzarella. Takes eldest back out to get it.

They come back, I finally sit down thinking great, 5 mins peace. Nope.

I’ve now been called in FOUR times:
– “Do I take the baking paper off the dough?”
– “Which tray do I use?”
– “Is the oven hot enough?”
– etc etc

At this point our toddler is basically supervising him.

Genuine question – is this weaponised incompetence or am I expecting too much? Because I’m struggling to believe an adult can’t manage basic pizza assembly without this level of input…

Tbh I wouldn't enjoy this straight in from work, maybe would have been better on the bank hol/weekend.

But it would be ok for her to parent the toddler and make pizza from scratch?

This is just the tip of the iceberg of a load of shit between the two of you @wiw212 … yes?

Exactly

Well yeah—but he agreed to it apparently so that’s on him really for not being prepared to say no if he didn’t want to do it after work

My dh always says the same to me- I am literally just terrified of every part of making pizzas and assume I’ll mess up so if I do do anything I need absolute micromanaging!!! Definitely not weaponised incompetence!!!

Parenting is not synonymous with making pizza.

Mate if you want a proper break you have to leave the house. Otherwise they’ll inevitably all come looking for you

It is when you say you will make pizza

With dd yes. She is very stubborn and he keeps giving in and making my life very difficult.

God forbid he has to be a parent after work. Jesus Christ your bar is low

He does sound like he’s abdicated responsibility so YANBU. But I do think women often play into this dynamic by prepping and stepping in and (sometimes) criticizing what their partner does rather than reinforcing that this is their project and giving them plenty of opportunity to learn through experience

No way am I getting stuck in to making pizza with my toddler as soon as i walk in! Easter weekend lies ahead… perfect time

Sorry?

I meant this is obviously the tip of the iceberg between you and your husband!! Nothing to do with your toddler (although clearly a toddler making demands and parents feeling like they have to obey is a little peculiar)

This is what I told him. I cook with her every day so he thinks it’s easy but it’s so stressful. She wants to learn so I let her. I kept saying tomorrow when daddy is off work. Then this morning he tells her dinner tonight and I know there’s no way he’s going to be able to make a decent dough 🤬

He keeps saying yes you can do things then expecting me to do it.

But you asked him

Asked DH to make pizzas with our toddler –

This.
🙄

This is all very odd.

And the way you speak about him would indicate that this is about quite a bit more than pizza

Because he’d told her he would and she kept asking me and I wanted him to deal with it instead of having to be the witch saying not today not today all the time

She’s the one that thinks it’s incredibly easy.

If OP’s DH actually agreed to this pizza making idea (which wasn’t in the original post but apparently he did) then fair enough he should do it.

Came here to say this
I'd be telling DH that google is free and easy to use

Bloody hell you all sound under the thumb of this scary toddler!

Either way… clearly there’s issues much wider than this pizza escapade

He could have looked it up, yes. But tbh if I knew DH knew something but he wanted me to google it rather than just telling me, I’d find that really irritating.

But it sounds like this isn’t really about the pizza. Because if you feel like everything is generally equal, someone asking what temp to cook something on wouldn’t be a problem.

It’s not that. I’m strict with her and he’s not. So he lets her do things which then I have to be on her case about. Or he’ll agree to things I and expect me to do all the work to make them happen. And I feel bad because she doesn’t understand. And then we keep arguing because I’m finding it really tough to keep boundaries when he won’t keep to them. My oldest understands daddy is soft and asks him behind my back but I’ve wised up to this. But I keep feeling like I have to be the bad guy or do it all myself