AIBU to think Germans are generally more sociable than Brits?

[Greyblankie]

last year we were in a very German populated area of Italy - almost all guests were German and the staff spoke Italian and German, few spoke English. I’d learnt a bit of Italian for the trip but ended up speaking more German than Italian 😂

Anyway, we noticed a few things - firstly, Germans tend to be very friendly!

Now being British, a bit unsociable and full of social anxiety when it came to breakfast I’d find us a table in the far corner of the room as isolated as possible 😂 but what would happen is the German guests would come in and immediately set up on the tables closest to ours. A quick guten Morgan and that was it … but DH and I would end up surrounded whilst the rest of the room remained empty

Is this a cultural difference between brits and Germans or is it us (well, me really) who is more unsociable than most?

what other cultural differences have you noticed between Brits and other close Europeans?

I have a Dutch friend who is so blunt it’s actually funny - think “do you think I’m putting weight on?” Her - “yes” 😂

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I'm a natural introvert, but I've become better at talking to people through practice - a lot of practice. Might be worth a try. Avoiding all interactions can only be making things more difficult for you, for the times when you do need or maybe even want to engage.

I’m not introverted, i am
neurodivergent. I am capable of speaking to people if there is a purpose (you’ve dropped your purse etc).

I am fairly chatty with people I know but most of them I have got to know through work. Actually I have just realised, all of my friends are current or past colleagues. I haven’t fostered a friendship with a random person in my life.

i don’t expect the people who chat to strangers to change their behaviour which is why I avoid them. I am never going to ‘want’ to chat to strangers.

Can I ask what changed?

Yes - people seemed to be less willing to mind their own business 🤷‍♀️

Can I clarify that I would never disturb a person sitting on their own in a cafe or eating dinner?
I only mean that at parties or group hobbies, I might go up to someone and say hello.

.

I have just discovered my true nature is to be German

I’m Scottish we are friends with everyone and very sociable. The Germans have got nothing on us.

(speaking on behalf of all my people on this sweeping generalisation thread)

it’s just you Englandshire folk who are reserved.

No Scotland, no party 🎉

Totally agree! I also have close connections with Germany.

if a German invites you to their house, they mean it.

Also, as PPs have said about the Dutch, the Germans can also appear blunt or rude to us but I believe this is actually just because they are speaking English in a German style. In many situations in tbe uk, it would be polite to say “would you mind doing x…” whereas a German is more likely to speak it in a simple, clearer more direct way such as “please do x…”.

Also, Germans have a reputation of not having a sense of humour - they do have as much as a sense of humour as we do but they laugh about different things. Like the way that Germans often speak in a more direct manner, their humour follows in a similar vein and is much less likely to invoke sarcasm and understatement. It’s more likely to be someone retelling a story about a funny event and it is clear
what the joke is and doesn’t often involve understanding implied meanings.

Yes, I have always found Germans friendly and easy to get along with.

I stoped stereotyping people by nationality decades ago as I couldn't bring myself to believe that any nation could possibly produce people who were all the same.

I was, in my view, vindicated some years later.

The football club I've followed for over 50 years had a Spanish manager. I loved him (cos he was "my"clubs manager. Not a logical response, but there you go). The most emotion he showed when a goal was scored was to write something down in his book.

a couple of managers later, the club employed a German manager. Oh my goodness. That man was one of the most emotional people I've ever seen in football. And he was very amusing too.

so both managers subverted their national stereotypes.

That’s fine. Unfortunately some people don’t seem to have as good manners!

Everyone knows the Brits abroad stereotype

Other than the fish & chips, your list could apply to German and Dutch holiday makers ( to name just two). You're denigrating your countrymen to make yourself appear superior. You're not.

Oh and here are some 🤣🤣🤣 to show I'm not taking your thread seriously.

Yeah you’re still taking it all too seriously, have a day off!

Being local and a tourist is 2 different things and no I dont think either country is a collective of one mind like any country

The German sense of humour can be extremely dry, so much so it is sometimes difficult to tell whether they are joking. The problem with this is that it doesn't translate at all unless the mutual understanding is excellent.

I think the idea that they only like slapstick is probably more related to a language barrier, and that there are people in every culture who like slapstick - look at the popularity of Mrs. Brown's Boys, you wouldn't call that classic British humour but it is one of the most popular comedy programmes in the UK.

I think it is their love for rituals which makes them come across as formal to British people. Germans like to know what to expect and what to do according to some kind of rule. There is a rule for everything, and if you ever deal with anybody official you will find that they do not accept any kind of excuse, no matter how valid. They would rather bend reality to fit the rule than bend the rule to fit common sense. British people are not like this at all. The vast majority of rules are merely there as guidelines and can absolutely be bent for all kinds of purposes - practicality, camaraderie, humour, convenience. In fact, everyday British humour leans very much on subverting rules in a minor way. This is the kind of humour which Germans are less likely to get, although it can again be due to a language barrier.

The other major social difference I think between Brits and Germans is that British people find it terribly rude and embarrassing to draw attention to themselves ever, to the point that they could be on the receiving end of some great injustice but would merely seethe quietly and wait for the other person to telepathically realise that they have caused some kind of problem and apologise/fix it. (I think this is why we are all obsessed with apologising pre-emptively).

Germans do not have this same embarrassment, in fact when I have tried to explain the word "awkward" nobody understands what it means. They consider it useful and important to say if there is a problem and to offer everybody an opportunity to give their opinion regularly. They are always having meetings - I had never come across this before but for example twice a year for each child at school/Kindergarten you are expected to attend an "Elternabend" which is not a parents' evening in the UK sense but an evening where you sit around in a circle in the classroom and discuss the program of curriculum for several hours. The choir I go to had an AGM where they detailed every single financial cost for the entire year for the transparency of all the members. I mean, it's nice to have the information? But I do not understand the appeal of this at all, it could all be a report we could read at home in an email, but that is because if I ever have an opinion about anything I do not feel comfortable to put my hand up and express it in a room full of people like that - I would prefer to speak to someone one on one or write an email with my concerns or something. What I have noticed from going to these things is that there are always people who do have things to say, and pains are usually taken to try to take everyone's input into account, although of course there is the problem that it is very hard to get anyone to go against the established convention. They do not generally like change for the sake of it (which I agree with) so as a result there is a lot of discussion and persuasion about whether it is a good enough reason to change, which can be a bit frustrating and means progress is invariably slow because you have to discuss every possible detail of everything first.

For that reason I think Germans can come across as old fashioned which might explain some of the slapstick love as well. I actually like this, mostly - I quite frequently feel a sense of timelessness, like I could have been transported back in time 20, 40 years and not really notice because life just works in many of those older ways here.

I think it's neither - it's just the same mentality that drives into an almost empty car park and parks next to another car. That's not a national trait - some people do that in both countries and doubtless others too.

Having lived and worked in Germany for two

decades (initially speaking almost no German and eventually working and socialising exclusively in German) I think the reputation Germans have for being direct is actually a lost in translation issue: Germans seem to be direct to the point of rudeness when speaking English or trying to speak high German to foreigners, but actually once you are speaking the local form of German including ideoms etc. Germans are often as infuriatingly indirect as British people - German younger women are as socially conditioned to avoid giving offence as British younger women when using their own comfortable native language (which is rarely the type of German taught outside Germany).

I think you say that you have ADHD? I suspect that there are plenty of introverted people around who have ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum but just think of themselves as introverts or socially inept or whatever. And that having ADHD etc. doesn't mean that you can't gradually make changes to your personality if you want to. But you clearly don't want to. Have you been to Japan on holiday - I think their culture would suit you. For instance they're very quiet (even silent) on public transport, they don't like touching each other, etc.

If you go into a restaurant with friends you're likely to be there to have a chatty, sociable, buzzy evening. It feels better to be near the other occupied tables rather than stuck at the empty side of the restaurant on your own. The atmosphere is better and you can enjoy people-watching. The car thing does annoy me though, because it can make it more difficult to get back into the car, you may accidentally hit the other car when you open your car door, etc.
I've had a fair bit of contact with Germans and I hear what you say about language, but they are definitely more direct that British people. In my experience British acquaintances don't ask personal questions, whereas Germans (but they're not the only ones) very much do. I've been asked personal questions by slight German acquaintances that I have simply never been asked by any British acquaintance. I suppose the British tend to be reserved, compared with other nationalities. Being reserved is even more of a feature in Koreans, from what I've observed.

@HaveYouFedTheFish It was an attempt at humour, hence the 🤭

I'm a Scot living in London. I moved down here partly to get away from all the friendliness! I am probably on the autistic spectrum and used to find life in Scotland really stressful as a child, with not knowing how to interact with all these random people. I love the fact I hardly have to speak to anyone here unless it's for a reason!!

Who can really say.

I have been to Germany several times & each time found the locals to be lovely, very friendly & willing to help a Brit with schoolgirl German.

Germans are direct simply because it’s a literal a direct translation of English, without all the stuffy filter words. They also just have very straight faces generally.

Americans (lots of experience with US culture as only ever worked for American companies and have to go there a lot), have a completely different culture to Brits. I never realised quite how much. What I still can’t understand after years is how ever the little kids have this air or complete and total confidence. Zero fear speaking up, public speaking etc. Fascinates me, 99% of little British kids are sky and wouldn’t say boo to a goose, American kids almost come into a room and announce themselves. I would love to have more confidence public/stage soaking and have really had to work at it. It’s like they’re all born with it.

I had a slight misunderstanding with a Polish person today. We were co-operating on something and she was messing me about a lot. I finally told her that I thought we should "leave it for now". She interpreted this literally, as in, we'd keep going with it later, whereas I added the "for now" to make the message less brutal. A good example of British indirectness muddying the issue. Of course I then had to explain that I didn't want to continue with the thing later, and to go into the detail of why not.