AIBU to think Germans are generally more sociable than Brits?

[Greyblankie]

last year we were in a very German populated area of Italy - almost all guests were German and the staff spoke Italian and German, few spoke English. I’d learnt a bit of Italian for the trip but ended up speaking more German than Italian 😂

Anyway, we noticed a few things - firstly, Germans tend to be very friendly!

Now being British, a bit unsociable and full of social anxiety when it came to breakfast I’d find us a table in the far corner of the room as isolated as possible 😂 but what would happen is the German guests would come in and immediately set up on the tables closest to ours. A quick guten Morgan and that was it … but DH and I would end up surrounded whilst the rest of the room remained empty

Is this a cultural difference between brits and Germans or is it us (well, me really) who is more unsociable than most?

what other cultural differences have you noticed between Brits and other close Europeans?

I have a Dutch friend who is so blunt it’s actually funny - think “do you think I’m putting weight on?” Her - “yes” 😂

Yeah we tend to avoid places where the stereotypical Brits abroad frequent - often that involves going places where nobody speaks English

Oh you're one of those Brits! Everyone else is steretypically British - reserved, loutish snobbish, drunk - except OP who is so culturally refined she fits in with the elite Europeans! Even though she's got "social anxiety" ...

I find Brits very friendly, you can srike up a conversation just about anywhere and it's reciprocated with good humour. Try it OP!

What in gods name are you on about? 😂😂

Everyone knows the Brits abroad stereotype -

1. i don’t drink
2. I don’t wear football shirts (neither does DH)
3. Im not loud
4. I don’t look for fish and chips shops abroad
5. I try to speak the language as much as possible

But! I am British!

1. i am reserved
2. I am a bit antisocial
3. I have a very dry sense of humour
4. I don't speak other languages well
5. I tend to get sunburn due to not respecting the climate

There you go, is that balanced enough? Like it or not Brits Abroad do exist! But we don’t tend to go to the kind of places they flock to.

And no, I am under no illusion that I fit in with the elite Europeans 😂 I dare say you can tell I’m British from a mile off

Midlanders are usually very friendly in my experience.

Are you lumping Scottish people into this generalised description of Brits? Or do you mean English people?

What makes you think I’m English?

I didn't say you're English. It's not wise to make a sweeping statement about the friendliness of Brits. It's a generalisation considering it includes several countries.

"I have a Dutch friend who is so blunt it’s actually funny - think “do you think I’m putting weight on?” Her - “yes” 😂 "

All my Italian friends & family do this, they tell me with out even being asked. No one gets accused of fat shaming, they're just looking out for you 😊

That is bloody awful

This is actually one of the saddest posts that I've read on MN. You limit going out as much as possible in case strangers might initiate a conversation with you?

I'm really sorry that you feel like that, and hope that you can get some help with your social anxiety. Nobody should have to live like this.

Yes, that kind of misanthropy is deeply concerning. One wonders what terrible events hurt @LiviaDrusillaAugusta into this type of behaviour.

I've worked with quite a few Germans and they often want to shake your hand every time you meet, even if a normal day in the office. I would say that are firm and direct rather than friendly - to them it is rude not to acknowledge you warmly if they know you. Swedes similar, more sociable than Germans I'd say. The British 'reserve' is real!

AuDHD. That’s what happened.

I used to like going for a drink or a meal on my own with a book but I just don’t want to be made to engage with random people who feel it’s okay to get in my space and talk at me.

AuDHD. I spent every lunchtime at school hiding in the toilets with a book as I didn’t understand the social rules.

I understand them more now but they suck!

People think their right to want to strike up a convo with a randomer trumps the randomer’s right to be left alone.

Oh god - noted. I hate being touched, so perhaps i would have to put my arm in a sling 🤣

All cultures are different.

i have quite an international upbringing and general find brits sociable and friendly. German tend to have quite firm and complex social rules which they tend to all follow. pros and cons to both, not sure you can say one is friendly and one is not.

Don't go to an Indian wedding! People may hug you, ask if you are married, how much you earn, where you live....
Being reserved would be considered rude and not taking an interest.

I'm very sorry that it affects you so badly, it sounds very life limiting.

I do talk to strangers quite frequently, and I'm afraid I'm not going to stop doing so. There is actually extensive research which shows that it has significant benefits for both the person who initiates the conversation and for the person on the other end of the interaction. However, I do know how to read the room and will back off if others are giving me "don't talk to me" vibes - I have no desire to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I got talking to a stranger on a train over 30 years ago. We celebrated our silver wedding anniversary last year!

I also talk to strangers. But I attempt to read the room.

Sympathies that it’s so limiting. However, if you are to pay attention to the frequent ‘cliques in the playground’ threads on here, a not insignificant number of those standing in certain contexts not only long for someone to come over and jolly them into a group conversation, they actually think that it is the duty of everyone other than them to be continually vigilant for anyone solitary and to ‘include’ them. I don’t get it myself, but there you go.

You do you. Talkative people generally do. 🤷‍♀️

Reseach may show that but for someone with AUDHD it’s bloody painful. Maybe my body language isn’t obvious enough because no matter how I look, people still bother me.

Add into that those people who then touch you on the arm or whatever.

There should be badges or something. One could be ‘please feel free to talk to me and/or touch me’ and the other could be ‘leave me the fuck alone’ 🤷‍♀️🤣

I’ve got a couple of German friends. They don’t know eachother. They are quite puritanical, by that I mean strong opinions on other people’s responsibilities and habits, e.g. car ownership, recycling, homeopathy nonsense while being pill poppers etc. I know I’m generalising!

Well, I will carry on, because I don't think the majority of people should have to avoid normal social interaction in order to prevent discomfort for a small minority, but I do try to read the signals from others where possible.

Badges would be good!😂

Well I don’t expect people to alter their behaviour to suit people like me. That’s why I don’t go to places. And certainly why I don’t go for a drink or meal on my own anymore, even though it used to be something I loved.

Actually COVID lockdowns were a massive win for me, I didn’t leave the house at all during the first lockdown, then there was social distancing (best thing ever) followed by another 7 months of not leaving the house and wfh.

Do people really bother you so often? I don't find that people constantly try to bother me when I am in a cafe or shop. You get the odd person making conversation but it's not that frequent. Maybe it depends where you live in the UK - people in the north tend to be friendlier.

But while it might be "proven" that social interaction is good for us, we are not all the same, and many people are quite happy on their own. It's only a bad thing if you want social interaction and can't get it.