To be sad that I’ve never been proposed to?

[Macaroni46]

I’m a mid 50s divorcee who’s just come out of a long term relationship so am feeling quite bruised at the moment. Despite having been married, I’ve never been proposed to. The older I get, the less likely this is to happen. I still live in hope of receiving a proposal (not saying I necessarily want to get married though!) and would need to find a new partner but am thinking it’s increasingly unlikely. I feel really sad that I will go to my grave never having experienced someone actively wanting to marry me. Am I being ridiculous?

If my marriage had worked out I wouldn’t be upset about never having been proposed to because the proof is in the longevity of the relationship.
I pushed my exH to get married so I’ve always wondered if he actually wanted to or whether he just did because I was pregnant (which I’m grateful for). Then with my more recent partner there was a distinct lack of commitment.
So maybe it’s more of a yearning to be wanted.

This sums up how I feel. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. There’s still hope for us!

@Macaroni46 I feel the same OP. I am married but it’s over. He says he doesn’t believe in marriage, just agreed to it as it was something I wanted (I wouldn’t have continued the relationship, bought a house with him, or had children with him had we not got married and so for these reasons he agreed but says I forced him into it). How romantic.

Your worth is not measured by some man "wanting " you!
I have been proposed to quite a few times, did I marry them? No. Would they have been suitable long term partners? No.
Better to be content with yourself and your life, than tied to someone who is less than what you want/need.
I would say"work on yourself " but I don't even know what that means. Forget about a proposal, it can mean nothing. It's just words. It's not someone's words it's their actions that count.

You have been spared the possibility of saying no, which would be heartbreaking to the man who proposed to you, and you probably would find very difficult.

@Macaroni46 there's still time. Not instagram worthy, nothing to post on social media as such but when my now dh proposed to me it was a complete shock so much so that I was completely lost for words, I hadn't even considered it. I do know how you feel because my first marriage was the same as yours,married because we had to due to a child. Nothing compares though to knowing that my now dh wants me just for me, no ulterior motive, no outside forces saying we have to. Just the pure honest truth that we both choose to be with each other.

Me too, although we did get married and are still happily together 25+ years later. But he completely caught me on the hop and I was “WTF we haven’t even discussed this”. It was his clumsy way of starting the discussion and I think he felt that that was the proper way. I think it’s fine if you have already agreed to get married and want that tradition (I most certainly did not and would not should I ever be single again) but surprise proposals are a really bad idea and put one person on the spot (usually the woman in male-female relationships). Thank goodness we were at home not in public. Anyway, I said I’d have to think about it and we did think about it and discuss it for a few months then told everyone and started planning.

I totally get the feeling of wanting to know that someone wants to be with you for the rest of their life, but that is very different from wanting to be proposed to.

This thread has shown me that what I’m sad about is the lack of commitment shown by both my exH and recent partner, rather than a proposal as such. Though I’d still like to experience that too!

I wonder how many people, especially in the past when marriage and children was just a given, actually never had anyone really love them though? They just got married just because that's what you do. Maybe the sort of romantic movie, all consuming love is actually quite rare?

I get feeling sad about this but it’s also in the bucket of things we most likely can’t change so it’s not worth dwelling on them too much.
You could rationalise this by putting yourself in the shoes of a man. Most men don’t get proposed to, they do the proposing. I’ve never heard of a man feeling sad because no one had asked them to marry him?

I’ve had two proposals and both men then called it off , one was when pregnant, so they’ve created major extra trauma for me. They were nice moments to have the nice ring and everyone makes a fuss but what looks good meant nothing in my cases.

haha this is kind of what happened to me! we've been married 25 years!