To be sad that I’ve never been proposed to?

[Macaroni46]

I’m a mid 50s divorcee who’s just come out of a long term relationship so am feeling quite bruised at the moment. Despite having been married, I’ve never been proposed to. The older I get, the less likely this is to happen. I still live in hope of receiving a proposal (not saying I necessarily want to get married though!) and would need to find a new partner but am thinking it’s increasingly unlikely. I feel really sad that I will go to my grave never having experienced someone actively wanting to marry me. Am I being ridiculous?

I’ve been proposed to twice and said no both times, that’s actually worse.

I'm sorry this recent relationship didn't work out. It's not you. These men weren't right, and that's not down to your failings.

YABU as you say you are not keen on getting married again anyway which is the whole point of a proposal

Yes to all of this. Since the marriage ended I’ve had a second serious relationship which has recently ended and obviously also didn’t lead to long term commitment. Starting to lose hope.

I used to want a romantic proposal but now older and wiser and man savvy being I know being ‘chosen’ by a man is not what is cracked up to be.

An elderly friend's mum got married at 90, they had been together 5 months. When he died, 3 years later, his family made the last 6 months of her life hell by contesting the will. That was her first proposal as she got married at 18 because she was pregnant too. Her first husband died too.

Why would you want a proposal unless you want to get married again?

I’m only 50 and when I was in my 20s it was still considered pretty shocking to be pregnant out of marriage.

And living “in sin” was considered very dimly.

Attitudes to that sort of thing have moved on quite considerably in my lifetime.

I've had an out of the blue proposal. It was awful. We hadn't discussed marriage at all and I just wasn't in that place at all - i was young and it just wasn't on my radar. I had to say no - which was just horrible.
With my now husband we had lots of discussions about the future, whether we wanted kids, where we wanted to live etc so we knew we were on the same page. We started planning our wedding one night after a few beers - next morning was like, wait are we engaged?? Haha it was perfect and we have been married 25 years.
I don't understand people who want a surprise proposal - how can you make such a big decision like that without ever discussing it first?

I've never been proposed to either. I am married (still).
I was clear that I wanted to be married before kids and buying a house together and we'd generally discussed and agreed. Then I unwrapped a ring at Christmas and we were engaged, though he didn't actually propose. He's not really into "romance" and when I asked why he didn't proper he was baffled and didn't think it was necessary after our discussions, the ring "made it obvious" .

For several years I did occasionally feel a bit sad that I'd not had a proposal especially when some friends, cousins etc told me about their romantic destination down-on-one-knee proposals. But it really doesn't matter now. Romance is overrated. A few of the showy proposal couples had quite short marriages and are now divorced.

I have been with my partner since 1979, he has never wanted to be married, still doesn't- but he choses to live his life with me every day- is that not enough?

My husband proposed when I had food poisoning, was wearing a tracksuit, had dripping wet hair from the shower and no makeup. I also looked vaguely green and felt very queasy. It was not a peak romantic moment. Compared to that unwrapping a ring at Christmas sounds much better. But we have been married for over thirty years now.

What's that got to do with a proposal?🤔

I have been married 19 years but we just decided and that was it. No proposal necessary.

No not unreasonable at all. Im mid 30s and feel really sad that no one has ever wanted to marry me. Especially because my ex partner has just asked his girlfriend to marry him and he never asked me.

I agree, but only if it the right person asking. I have been proposed to three times, engaged twice and married once. The person I turned down was heart wrenching. We were on vacation and as soon as I said no he dropped me at the airport and sent me home. :0

You are enough. Seriously. Start to focus on yourself, what you enjoy, good friendships and moments of happiness. It'll be fine.

I think you need to get over it and focus on all the good things you do have in your life.

I've been married and am in a civil partnership; no proposal in either case, just a mutual discussion and agreement. My point was really why do you want a proposal if you've been married, because it's the marriage that's important.

What made him choose that moment 🤣🤣

😂😂😂

I get it. I've had boyfriends, but never had anyone propose, or suggest moving in, or having kids, or even going on holiday abroad together. It makes me sad that nobody ever wanted me above all others I guess. And at 53 and after a really bad break up 18 months ago, when I honestly thought I'd found someone permanent and it turned out he was just biding his time, I've just about stopped looking. So yeah, I kind of know how you feel.

A proposal is an emblem of a time and philosophy where men hold all the cards. I'd much rather do it the way I did which was to discuss sensibly and agree it was something we both wanted.

I expected this to be a similar relationship to mine, i.e. together for over a decade but not a sniff of getting married and would in many ways, like it if he asked. Albeit not enough for me to bugger off if he doesn't.

I agree, so many threads on here with desperate women asking the question "why hasn't he proposed?"
They're allowing the man to have control over when and if they get married, which is why it sounds so regressive. It should be a mutual decision, not the man's decision.

Ah... tis the internalised misogyny. And I have to admit I have it too. Sometimes it's hard to shake but thanks all of those who have pointed it out.

I’m being flippant but get a Labrador. Honestly mine think I am the best thing ever. And I mean ever.