To feel let down by my partner

[catlady1567]

So I’ve been having a difficult time with my anxiety due to work related stress this last week or so. My partner of 4 years (we don’t live together) has in this time had a day off work last week because he was apparently so worried about me that he couldn’t sleep. He visited me briefly on Friday for a few hours to check in on me and then since Friday pm I have spiralled and have been alone in my flat all weekend. He’s had his daughter to look after at his home since Friday until next Monday and has now gone to visit his sister and mum with his daughter for a few days. Last night I had a huge panic attack and I phoned him. His solution was to tell me to phone Samaritans. We are in the process of buying a house together. Has he let me down? I feel very very sad.

YANBU. Why couldn't he bring his daughter to yours?

He may not want his daughter around here OP having a MH or anxiety crisis?

Would you want to take your daughter to someone having a mental breakdown? I wouldn't.
I understand OP feeling let down but as he has his daughter I wouldnt expect anything else tbh.

You are asking too much of him.

Do you have an employee assistance programme at work? Call them if you do, it’s free and confidential.

What other support have you?

Maybe your anxiety is ramping up because you are buying a house and you are not sure, can you press pause on that? Apologies if I am wrong. Get help elsewhere for now x

Absolutely agree, no matter the age of the dd that would be an incredibly irresponsible parenting move.
What help were you looking for from him @catlady1567 ?

Not an environment I'd expose my child to if I'm honest.

Why would anyone bring their child to someone with pretty severe mental health issues?

How's that going to help the OP or the child?

What support are you getting for your anxiety OP? It’s hard to say if he’s let you down or not, it’s not his responsibility to fix your mental health and if it’s affecting his own mental wellbeing then he’s right to
prioritise himself first. I appreciate this may not work for your relationship though.

Don’t be daft

Firstly, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. However, as you are having a mental health crisis I would view this in the same way as any other health crisis - you need a trained medical professional to support you not an untrained and unqualified partner. It is an unfair burden to ask a partner to support you through this.

A few hours visit is not 'brief'.

Does your anxiety have anything to do with him spending a week with his daughter and their family, since you said you spiralled after he left?

What did you expect him to do when you rang him on the first night he had his daughter?

Please do and speak to your GP. Also cbt might help.

It sounds like you need professional support and he can’t provide that. No decent parent would make a point of bringing a child into a situation like that if it wasn’t necessary.

Speak to GP in the first instance

Sorry but yes, YABU. You can't put this on your partner. Especially not when he has a child to care for. You need to see a medical professional to get help.

I've just seen your other thread which you started in December about being upset that your partner went to his own child's birthday party....

Are you actually struggling with work related anxiety or do you just not like him leaving you to spend time with his child?

That would not be fair on the daughter, IMO.

I also think that buying a house together needs to be carefully considered, until OP has the situation under control.

Im sure if the man in this situation was a coercing the same thing, many would say hold off with the house purchase.

Ah that makes sense.

Concerning not coercing!

@catlady1567 You are an adult and expecting way too much of him. He came to see you, but now he has his daughter to look after.

What exactly is it that you want him to do? How will him being there help you?

If you feel that bad then ring the Samaritans. If your anxiety is so bad, then you need to help yourself by seeking counselling and taking steps to sort out what exactly it is that is causing the anxiety. What has the doctor said? Have you been given medication?

Please can you link to it

Sorry OP, but I think he did the right thing - if he has his child to look after then they have to come first. I wouldn't expose my child to someone having a panic attack either. Have you spoken to your GP? Does your medication need a review perhaps? I think you should seek counselling and outside and it will be difficult for your DP to cope (unless he has some professional expertise) and he also has his child to care for.

Don’t buy a house together, he shouldn’t be moving in with an unstable situation when he has a child who will be presumably living with you some of the time.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5459755-feeling-low

This should be aimed at him