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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling low

19 replies

catlady1567 · 14/12/2025 10:35

My partner of 5 years has gone to his child’s party today. The relationship between his ex has been volatile, hostile and she is very controlling. I feel extremely low this morning and I didn’t expect it to be honest. I wish they would just celebrate her birthday separately and stop trying to play happy families when it’s mainly about the ex rubbing my partner’s face in the fact she’s moved on with a new fella and baby. I wasn’t invited to the party yet the birth mum will be using this time as a way of showing off her new life to my partner. It’s not about

the child at all.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 10:39

Its just a party a few hours. He’s doing it for his kid, not his ex. Just chill out about it.

LoveWine123 · 14/12/2025 10:42

Why are YOU feeling low? Go out, do something fun for yourself, don’t focus on other people’s issues. You can’t control his ex, you can only support your DP by being there for him. In the meantime don’t waste this day giving space to his ex.

MazeyP · 14/12/2025 11:02

Relax

Endofyear · 14/12/2025 11:06

Honestly, get a grip - it's the child's party and your partner is behaving like a responsible parent. Who cares if his ex is showing off her new life? He's there for his daughter, he's being a good dad. You sound needy and controlling. It actually benefits children if their parents can get on and both be there for birthdays etc.

FinallyHere · 14/12/2025 11:07

Can you see that you are giving ‘the ex’ power over your own feelings. Do your self a favour, pick yourself up and do something lovely and enjoyable. Whatever you enjoy, take your mind off what else is happening today. Even if it’s just tidy out your wardrobe. Or the kitchen drawer

In future, make sure we havd something really lovely planned for these kind of occasions.

Treat yourself well and the rest of your world will start to do the same.

Catza · 14/12/2025 11:32

I don't understand what it has to do with you?
I was in a similar situation. In a long term relationship with a man who was very involved with his child and unpleasant ex who had since married and remarried a couple of times and had two more kids with two different blokes. I actually never gave it a second thought. This has literally nothing whatsoever to do with me.

And, since my relationship broke down due to the said man ending up being of a questionable character himself, in your position, I would be more worried if you are actually getting the full picture. Because now I am really very much doubting whether his ex was as controlling or unreasonable as I was lead to believe.

ilovesooty · 14/12/2025 11:34

He's attending for his child. I think you should respect the fact that he's behaving with decency.

No reason for it to impact on you.

cloudtreecarpet · 14/12/2025 16:10

Presumably the birth mum is the one throwing the party so is therefore going to invite her new partner?
Similarly if your partner was throwing the party I imagine he would invite you.

It's good for the child involved that their dad is going to be there.
You haven't been invited but you must know by now that things like this are complicated if you decide to be with a man who already has children?

As others have said, ignore it, occupy yourself and you & your partner can do something nice with the child to celebrate their birthday on another day.

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 16:14

It's not up to you to decide how he and his ex celebrate his child's birthday. That's controlling.

Co-parenting is tough and they're thinking about their kid here. Maybe since she's moved on and is happy, they can find a more peaceful co-parenting relationship.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 14/12/2025 16:19

Let him enjoy his kids party, it doesn’t matter that she has another partner now, he has you. He needs to be there for his child, it’s nothing to do with the adults.

Original poster
catlady1567 · 14/12/2025 20:06

All I’m saying is if I went to my child’s party with my ex husband then my partner would be hurt - how is it ok that he’s upset with me if I did the same yet i have to just suck it up?

OP posts:
Catza · 14/12/2025 20:34

catlady1567 · 14/12/2025 20:06

All I’m saying is if I went to my child’s party with my ex husband then my partner would be hurt - how is it ok that he’s upset with me if I did the same yet i have to just suck it up?

Actually it's not ok for either of you to get upset about the other partner co-patenting. Seems like an unhealthy dynamic all round.

Whoevenarethey · 14/12/2025 20:41

If it's the child's party then you are being really unreasonable for not wanting him to go and be part of that. While he can celebrate their birthday separately it would be madness to organise two birthday parties just because the parents aren't together and don't get on!

ilovesooty · 14/12/2025 21:17

catlady1567 · 14/12/2025 20:06

All I’m saying is if I went to my child’s party with my ex husband then my partner would be hurt - how is it ok that he’s upset with me if I did the same yet i have to just suck it up?

It wouldn't be OK for him to be hurt either.

Sunflower459 · 14/12/2025 21:22

I really don’t see what difference it makes if she ‘rubs his face’ in her new relationship. Surely if she is doing that it’s just a massive waste of her own time because he’s with you now? It shouldn’t bother him at all unless he has some irrational objection to her being happy. I’d take a breath and let this one go, OP. They made a person together, so they’re probably always going to be in each other’s lives. Pick your battles.

Harold99 · 14/12/2025 21:23

I don't get all the hate for the OP itt

ilovesooty · 14/12/2025 21:28

Harold99 · 14/12/2025 21:23

I don't get all the hate for the OP itt

Where's the hate?

cloudtreecarpet · 14/12/2025 22:27

Harold99 · 14/12/2025 21:23

I don't get all the hate for the OP itt

For once I don't think there is actually any hate, people are just not agreeing with the OP's take on the situation that's all.

Which is what AIBU is for isn't it - to give both sides?

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 22:38

catlady1567 · 14/12/2025 20:06

All I’m saying is if I went to my child’s party with my ex husband then my partner would be hurt - how is it ok that he’s upset with me if I did the same yet i have to just suck it up?

Then that would be his problem, not yours. He should have no say in how you co-parent with your kid's father. And that goes both ways.

Just like this is your problem. What do you want him to do, not go to his kid's birthday party? Let him co-parent and stay out of it. It's not your situation to manage.

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