AIBU to expect DH to replace my ruined jumper(s)

[PILinOz]

I love the feel and look of cashmere and wool jumpers but cannot justify paying full price. Instead I scour TK Maxx and Vinted for bargains.
Over the past few years I have managed to find and buy myself a few lovely pieces at a heavy discount. My lovely mother-in-law also bought me a lovely cashmere jumper last Christmas.

My husband has managed to ruin all of them by just shoving them in with the regular laundry. They’ve all shrunk and felted. Each time his reaction to this has been to go “Oops, my bad, sorry” and kind of shrug his shoulders and that was the end of it.

A couple of weeks ago I found a lovely, BNWT wool/cashmere blend jumper on Vinted for £20. The original price tag was £125. I wore it and put it in the laundry basket. A few days later DH announces he’s going to do some laundry. I warn him that a few of my newly purchased work items are in there and not to touch them please. Later on he comes to tell me that he’s really sorry but he’s only gone and completely ruined my new cashmere jumper. He apologises profusely. I tell him I’m really upset. This is the about the 4th time he’s done this and I specifically told him not to touch my stuff. More apologising. He seems genuinely sorry for once

Later on I find him scrolling the internet to find a replacement. Of course he can’t find the exact same one as it came from Vinted and isn’t current season, but he finds something similar by the same brand and offers to buy it. It costs £165

Here is where I may be unreasonable. We earn roughly the same and pool all our finances into our joint account. I cannot justify using £165 of family money for a jumper. That just seems wild to me. I tell him this and he gets annoyed. I try to explain that spending £165 of our money to rectify his mistake isn’t fair. That I spend my time and effort to find these items and only purchase them at a price we can realistically afford. He thinks that I should just go out and buy new replacement jumpers at full price as we have the money. As far as he is concerned he has offered a solution which I am rejecting so that’s the end of it.

I brought it up again yesterday and said again that I think it’s totally unfair that he’s now ruined 4 of my nice jumpers and has no intention of putting in any effort to replace them. He looked incredulous and said “What, are you really expecting me to go through the rails at TK Maxx or join Vinted to find replacements?” I said I didn’t think it was such an unreasonable request and why should the burden of finding a solution to a problem he caused by his repeated carelessness, fall to me? He told me I was massively overreacting and he’s done talking about it. AIBU? Yes: it’s just a few jumpers, get over it and move on. No: DH should use his time and effort to source suitable replacements that won’t cost the family a fortune.

Why on earth do you keep putting gnem on the laundry basket. After the first time, surely you’d stop. All my hand wash items I keep separate, I’d never out them in a shared laundry basket then expect my husband to go picking through it looking at labels. I’m afraid I feel partly this is on you.

find your replacements and anything needing hand washing stop putting it in the main laundry basket and expecting your husband to rooting through it.

Why didn’t she stop putting them in there after the first time? Even the second, or the third?

word

Yanbu to be upset, but after reading the entirety I think on balance Yabu.

He has made an effort to replace the jumpers, you demanding he find the same heavily discounted once in a blue moon price for the exact same jumpers is what is unreasonable.

I also do not understand why you are putting wool/cashmere in the family laundry basket. All hand wash items should go in a separate basket or bag.

You created the risk of these precious hand wash only cashmere jumpers being washed with everything else. Surely the solution is to eliminate the risk at the source?

I must admit I'm terrible for doing this with my own handwsh clothes as I launch everything into the machine.
I now have a mesh bag in my bedroom I stick my handwash stuff into.

But you don't need to read labels... unless you have a massive industrial washing machine and are truly shovelling stuff in, you surely see/put your hands on everything as it goes in?

I chuck it all in together 'but' I don't buy anything for anyone in the family that needs anything more specific. Towels/sheets and such get done separately but that's as much for convenience as anything else (they are a load in themselves)

I separate after washing as I don't put everything in the dryer - hang up about half. And for whatever reason, my husband is really crap at remembering my rules for this so laundry is very much my responsibility. He has plenty of other responsibilities but it works for us to split things up and play to our strengths.

Because why use common sense when you can go waste money and complain about it after - 4 times after!

If my DH started putting items into the washing basket saying that I need to pull them out when I do a wash (?!) then I would ignore him too. If it's in the washing basket it gets washed in the machine at 30/40.

Me and DH both have stuff that can't go in the washing machine so we make sure those items don't go anywhere near the laundry basket!

There we go.

Oops, I dropped it. His favourite most expensive one of course.

@tabbycatslaveno I grab large handfuls, and whatever is in there goes in the machine. What’s difficult to understand about that?

Do people really dislike their husbands this much 🤨

OP should be able to put washing in a washing basket. The problem is an idiot who doesn’t follow incredibly simple and clear instructions to NOT WASH ANY BLOODY JUMPERS. It’s really not difficult. Why do you have more sympathy for the fool who doesn’t listen than the person who has had her clothes ruined four times?

I seem to have a different approach to lots of people on this thread!

All dirty clothes go in the laundry bin. They are sorted from the bin before being washed.

They’re not sorted before being chucked in the place for dirty clothes to be held/stored before washing.

I agree with this. Anything that isn't usual washing should be kept separate.

You can’t even understand the instructions because they were not “do not wash any jumpers.”

Who is the fool now?

Seriously, don’t put them in the laundry basket.

He should sell something nice of his to get the money to buy you a new jumper. Otherwise as he's a tradesman can he do an extra job out of hours or something to get the money (if he happens to be a plumber in the northwest send him my way please!).

He clearly can't like her much if he doesn't give a shit about ruining her expensive jumpers and not listening to her. Multiple times.

My husband is capable of listening to me and following a simple instruction thankfully.

Your post is offensive. i’m not even Nd & think its awful.

Being ND should not be one of your 4 reasons but to say he should be excused from doing laundry if he is ND is bizarre.

he is a fully grown man with a job, wife & kids. Clearly capable of doing chores but lets whip out the ND when he makes a mistake

For the OP, the only option is for ‘them’ to pay for the replacements as they do not have separate finances.

While I’m all for shared finances, here we each also have our own accounts where equal amounts are deposited. I have no interest in having a discussion with my DH about how much I’m going to spent on a coat or bag or a rose bush or whatever. I either pay from a joint account or my own account, depending on my humour. I use my own account to pay for gifts for him. He does the same.

Only in very few households is the running of it split absolutely equally and task specific. I definitely do more of school admin but I am an organised person and find it doesn’t take a lot of time. Same with buying children’s clothes/planning outings, etc. I enjoy doing it. DH cooks just as much as me, same with supermarket shop, we split children’s appointments between us, he might bring them to activities while I do a few bits (or nothing) at home. Or I bring them. He’s up before me in the mornings and organises breakfast and tidies away. He always makes sure there’s fuel in my car, I never have to ask him‎ to do it. I’d buy gifts for birthday parties but DH is the person to bring them and stay when they were younger. We both drop the ball at times, I might have done a supermarket shop and back home realised, I’ve forgotten much needed items and he’ll pop out and get them. We have mornings when we realise there’s no milk and he’ll just pop out and get some. There might be days when I should cooked dinner but don’t want to and he’ll do it. So it’s pretty even how we do things but I’d definitely carry more of the mental load and am happy to do it as I think I am just more aware of what’s coming ahead and more organised and precise but DH definitely does his share day to day.

Basically, he doesn't give a shit about the jumpers

Also, he doesn't really give a shit about you

Cos, otherwise, he'd catch himself when doing the laundry, and think, oh wait, that's a cashmere jumper.

That's great, but he must be walking on eggshells if your response to him doing something wrong would be "he's an incompetent idiot who doesn't like me much and I'm going to smash his guitar" 🤣

Nevertheless, I maintain that OP is causing this problem. I wonder what her reaction would be if her DH "instructed" her to keep her stuff separate - would she be capable of following a simple instruction? 🤔

Excellent use of family funds to replace it!

But why shouldn’t you go out and buy it? You are the one who sticks your delicate items in the main laundry basket. Why are YOU making work for him because you can’t be arsed to separate your wools?