Ds 12 just won't go to school after accident

[healingqueen]

Over feb halfterm my ds 12 had an accident on his scooter and fractured his wrist and needed surgery, he knocked 4 teeth out and had a lot of bruising i posted at the time

He had the first week off after halfterm and then went on in the monday but had surgery on the tuesday then had the rest of the week off to recover. the following week he was supposed to go in with a reduced timetable and i picked him up before lunch but he just didn’t go. I have younger children so i had to get them ready and can’t spent time trying to persuade him to get dressed as they’d be late to nursery/school

The bruising has mostly gone now. we are no further with his teeth and he’s in cast still but he won’t leave the house. He hasn’t gone in since the monday before the surgery. He’s barely left the house at all tbh. He’s been out with me a few times but he mostly just wants to stay in his room

I took phone / ipad but it hasn’t made him go to school it just caused anger. he threw his charger at me and said “have it then”. he grabbed his 4 year old brother by the arm when i was in the other room for 5 mins. All I heard was B get out the way and then 4yo was crying.

School have said they can’t offer much else apart from the reduced timetable and just keep reiterating he needs to be in

He broke up for easter yesterday and now doesn’t have to be in for 2 weeks but I dont think this will resolve itself magically over easter.

What do I do??

OP I have so much sympathy for your DS, and gently I think you need to prioritise him over time pressures for a while. The timings issue? Surely you can escort him to school at some point in the morning. Even if you can't get him to go to school because of his MH, you need to take him for a walk, get him outdoors and build his confidence a little.

It's not going to get better on its own, perhaps, but you have two weeks to reconnect him with as many aspects of his normal life as you can.

Obviously it depends on area but round here any dentist will take on nhs children. I think you need to spend time ringing round, unless you already have.

that aside there is clearly some serious anxiety there I’d try and spend time talking to him over the holidays to understand more. Also can you take him out over the hols? Ideally with a friend?

don’t punish him, work with him.

I have loads of sympathy for your son - my friends son chilled his front tooth and was distraught about going in to school until it was fixed

Really remiss of you that the lad is 12 and you haven’t found an NHS dentist - it does take perseverance and lots of follow up phone calls ….. you can’t wait for the hospital to sort this out - you need to sort it ASAP privately if needs be

you are a single mum not working but sounds of it more than one young child in addition to the 12 year old…. And yes you really do have all day to get him in

I’d hazard a guess he’s feeling very self conscious about the missing teeth and also embarrassed for failing a trick add in trauma from such an injury I’m not sure even an adult would be feeling capable of facing the world. Find an NHS dentist as they can do implants on the NHS for children when a trauma has been the reason they lost front teeth. I’d also seek out some talking/play therapy.

I wouldn’t want to go to work missing my front teeth, I’m quite a self aware person anyway so this would send me into over drive. Get his teeth sorted asap, I’d let him work from home until then. High school kids can be fucking brutal too. Not like most adults who can empathise.

He has had a head injury, has there been any MRI or CT scan of his brain?
Was he ever assessed for a concussion?

The term “anxiety” is minimising what is likely to be the more serious conditions of PTSD and PCS.

The school should be sending work home for him to do.
Punishment is wildly unappropriate.
Pressuring to return to school before he has been properly checked and recovered will backfire.

He doesn’t have a dentist as I can’t find one that takes NHS patients even children and ai can’t afford private as im a single mum.

Even private dentists will take on a child’s dental emergency and charge the NHS. You need to call around saying you have a child with a dental emergency.

I would use chat gpt to type this all into. It will explain how he is feeling, what you can do to help, what the school can do to help, how to escalate fixing his teeth and who you can contact etc. It’s very reassuring and will acknowledge your struggles with your other children and the fact that you are a single mum. However, your son really needs you and he will remember this time forever due to it being so traumatic for him. Use it to help you and him. He will also remember how you dealt with this at the time and it will shape your future relationship. It’s harsh but we only get one shot at doing this right when it happens. This will truly help you and him.

Contact more dentists!!!

Ring as many dentists till you find one. You don’t have to be in the same area like you do a doctor. If money is an issue see if you can do a payment plan with them

You need to prioritise the dentist. I’d have taken out a loan for a private one if I really couldn’t find an NHS one, but NHS ones for kids aren’t that hard to find if you keep trying.

If you aren't working then this has to be your priority. Sure get other children to school but your DS's education trumps housework.

As far as I see it your choices are to wake him early enough that you can support him getting ready before the younger children. I imagine that this might not be popular but would prove a point. Or if the school are willing to do reduced timetables drop your younger children, go home and get him out to school.

What do you want for your son's future? At the moment you are teaching him that if something is uncomfortable or unpleasant you can just avoid it.

As I understand it for something like this you will need hospital not a dentist anyway x
School Senco or someone at school must be able to help, I'm sorry its so hard

Does he have any of the missing teeth left? Or where they completely knocked out?

I ask as I fell over my puppy in Dec. And snapped one of my front teeth and broke the other.

I found a brilliant cheap fix of Amazon’. And bought some more expensive clip in veneers. While I wait for the dentist.

Does he normally have a good social life? Are there any friends who could come and spend time with him at the house during the holidays so he can get some reassurance that they still like him and will be supportive at school? If he isn't that close to anyone then it's more understandable for him to be worried about how people might react to his new appearance, but if there's anyone at all who could come and help ease him back into seeing people, I think it might be helpful.

If he was unhappy socially before, or struggling to keep up with schoolwork, then the accident might have been the last straw that left him feeling completely unable to cope. That's when counselling might be helpful.

111 can refer you to a NHs dentist to assess the damage and possibly find an interim solution.

Poor lad. Why on earth would you punish him over something he's clearly very upset about? You need to be supporting him and speaking with him to get to the bottom of how he's feeling and then getting the proper support in place for him...

Poor kid, you really need to step up and be a mum.

This times a million

A friends teenage son fell and broke his two front teeth, they were referred to an emergency dentist via 111 and had composites put in within a few days. I’d keep trying.

You can contact healthwatch for your local area and explain that you are unable to find an NHS dentist for a child. They can give you advice and will be aware of which surgeries are accepting NHS patients (children). When I have done this before they gave me a list of 3 who had said they were accepting NHS patients. The first 2 I called told me they weren't, the third were and we got in there.
Might take a few phone calls but healthwatch should be able to guide your search.

The other place you could try is the local integrated care board (ICB) and explain that you can't find an nhs dentist for a child and that they need to arrange this for you asap.

As others have said you can see a dentist in any area though so worth contacting places slightly further away and the associated healthwatch/ICB there.

NHS 111 also a worth a call. They can refer to an emergency dentist.

It's time to start throwing your weight around and making complaints. Your son is entitled to this treatment and not having it is detrimental to his health, education and general wellbeing. Continuing like this could lead to all sorts of problems. You shouldn't have to fight for this but you may have to start kicking up a big fuss now.

It does sound like your son needs to be seen at the hospital though so I would also be contacting them I find out how long it will be until that appointment. But I would want my son seen by a dentist in the meantime so would be doing everything I could to get him seen.

I would never, ever have gone to school missing all my front teeth.

You need to prioritise getting his teeth sorted! Would you be happy to go out and about with your front teeth missing? Cos I wouldn't!

The absolute priority must be to get his teeth sorted. I’m saddened that the school does not see this and can’t help in any way with this. (Before anyone comes at me for this, I am a teacher, I know the pressures on the education system, but schools are responsible for physical and mental health too, help could be given by way of finding a suitable dentist, assisting with funding etc). Who would want to go about their daily life with no front teeth? Why should this young person be expected to do so?

I’m also saddened by the poster who said the OP just needs to get him to school and that home shouldn’t be seen as an option. What? So a child doesn’t feel safe at school but also should not be able to consider their home somewhere they can stay? Madness.

From an educational perspective, a young person can overcome a couple of missed academic terms, especially at just 12. But they can be destroyed socially, emotionally and thus educationally by a few terms of feeling unsafe, insecure, frightened or threatened.

He can't go to school with four front teeth missing, that is absurd, no? Priority. Credit card? Or 111. If it were me I'd put that on a credit card. Poor thing. Terrible thing to happen to him. How would you like it?

You sound cold af.

Much of the trauma response related in the OP hints at post concussion syndrome which is a type of brain injury that requires neurorehabilitation.

The OP’s child has not even been assessed for head injury! The focus has been on fractured wrist and missing teeth. No one has assessed him for brain injury despite the accident causing a severe enough blow to the head to knock out 4 teeth.