Stepson sleepover, upset neighbours

[Heebeebee]

Last night my DSS had a sleepover for his 13th birthday. There were a group of boys staying over and, unbeknownst to me, they were in and out of the house most of the night playing football on the green outside.

I was asleep on the third floor and had no idea this was going on. My DH was downstairs in the lounge, knew about it, and just let them carry on.

This morning there’s a post on the estate Facebook page saying a group of kids were making noise late into the night and disturbing people.

I’ve gone mad at my husband for not telling them to come in and settle down, but my mum says I’m just as much to blame because I’m also the responsible adult and should “know what DH is like” when it comes to discipline, ie he cannot do it.

I think that’s bullshit.. I was asleep and he was the one who knew what was happening. He's his dad fgs. So as not to drip feed I also have a SD who is now almost 18 and he hasn't seen her for 7 years, entirely her choice after her mum turned her against him. His sons, DSS16 and DSS13 still come here a lot but DH doesn't say boo to a goose when they are here cos he's worried they'll just go back to their mums if he does. He wasn't like this before what happened with SD.

AIBU to think this is on him? Also I've apologised to the neighbours concerned and that's fine now I'm just annoyed at being told I'm to blame for not being downstairs too and telling them off in DH place.

I think you were both in charge really. If I was the mum of one of the boys on the sleepover I wouldn’t be impressed to find out the step mum had gone to bed and the dad just let them play out all night! (My Ds is 13).

You're both responsible.

Your husband is a do nothing who would rather his kid and friends disturb the neighbours after hours than fucking parent. This is a big problem that's going to get bigger if he can't say no to 13 year olds riling up the neighbourhood.

You're lucky the neighbours didn't call the cops with a noise complaint.

No more sleepovers. Your husband is not a responsible parent and you didn't step in when he dropped the ball.

So your stepson was downstairs with his father and his friends.

Yet somehow people will blame the step mother asleep upstairs. bonkers.

The father is at fault for allowing a sleepover he wasn’t willing to supervise properly.

I think it’s fine to go to bed as step mum provided you leave a supervising adult awake which you did.

It’s a cop out for him to say he can’t discipline - that’s literally his job as a parent and he put his son and all the other kids in danger letting them play out until all hours. I would be fuming.

Its on him. Odd you managed to stay asleep through it when they were waking up others! Id be really concerned seeing that post if my son was one of the guests.

I think this falls on your husband, it's his child and he knew this was going on and didn't put a stop to it. That said, I'd not allow another sleepover without some very firm ground rules.

It's your dh's fault. I would find his wet blanket approach to parenting quite a turn off if I were you!

Actually astounded that anyone here thinks its unreasonable for you to be sleeping while a grown man is in charge of his own child.

First rule of misogyny - Women are responsible for what men do

Anyway tell your mum the museum called, the 1950s wants it's attitudes back.

His wet blanket parenting actually does do my head in! But its been like this for as long as I can remember. I love my dh but honestly I thank god I never had a child with him!

His responsibility to parent his child and friends unless he has specifically handled over to another adult.

Sounds like a stupid little tattle Facebook group anyway
I wouldn't bother saying anything.
Perhaps be more aware in the future

What was she supposed to do? Just not sleep on the off chance that her husbands child and his friends decide to go out to play football in the middle of the night? The dad was downstairs, so he was obviously the one supervising them.

Me too, it’s utterly pathetic. Not her child, her DH was closer to the action and aware of what was happening and did nothing, but sure, hold the woman responsible 🙄

I have no idea what this has to do with you!

Were they really actually that loud, or was someone just telling tales on Facebook? If the neighbour had been that bothered they could have said something at the time.

But back to your OP, yeah your mum is BU.

How dare you go to sleep and expect a grown adult to parent his own child

What time were they out until?

I wouldn't be apologizing to anyone. So what, some kids had fun at a sleepover and made some noise. The Facebook group are probably excited to have a little drama in their dull little lives.

No why not, they're only neighbours. Fuck em. As long as your kids had a nice time fuck everyone else yeah?

@Sonato- Yeah, occasionally people have parties and make a little noise. As long as it's not every night, let it go.

You know what he’s like and that he is not a responsible adult to supervise children by you left them in his care anyway. That he should be responsible is irrelevant, he isn’t, so it was irresponsible of you to leave them with him.

Not her child.

He was with his dad. The person who is actually his parent and responsible for him. His dad is meant to parent him not just let him and his mates run amuck and do as they please. If he and DSS can't be responsible I wouldn't allow friends over. It's your home as well and it's not fair to inflict that shit on the neighbours.

I cannot believe that posters are claiming that OP should have stayed awake all night supervising her husband, father of her stepson.

This is on the father. He was supposedly watching his child and in charge of him and his friends.
How on earth is a sleeping step parent accountable?
Your dh is irresponsible.
Good lord he can’t carry on like this. Without proper parenting his son is going to be out of control.