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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take the children on a short UK trip without DH?

73 replies

AmIinthewrong88 · 27/03/2026 15:33

Along with many parents, we're entering the Easter holidays, and have split childcare. I'm off next week with DC (5 & 10) and Dh off the week after, then we are all going away the last weekend for a few days

DH is also working nights part of next week and then on a course the Weds & Thurs so won't be around at all, which is fine as I am off.

I have the opportunity (through work) to take the children away for a couple of days to a different city. Does involve a very short plane journey, but still within the UK (so think Edinburgh/Glasgow from London)

We would go on the Monday and come back on the Wednesday and my plan is to literally relax in the hotel, maybe visit a local animal attraction and have a some quick meals out. Nothing we wouldn't probably do if we were at home.

Spoke to DH about when he got home from work and he's not happy, says he feels like I am leaving him out (did offer for him to come but its come up at short notice and he can't get the time off) Said Its not fair that I would be doing things he would like to do with the kids for the first time - which I am really confused about as they have both been on a plane before and we have both taken them to animal centres/zoo's etc before

He also took our eldest to London for the first time without me, and I didn't bat an eyelid over it as it was just the circumstances meant I couldn't go

I now feel torn - I would really like a couple of days away, but also if he is going to upset over it feel like I should respect his wishes and not go, but I know the kids would love every second.

OP posts:
Muckypig · 27/03/2026 15:35

What a spoilt brat 😂 he wants to stop his kids having fun at Easter because he has work? Talk about the dog in the manger. Definitely go.

angelopal · 27/03/2026 15:35

Just do it. I am doing the same with mine. Though couple of hours on the train rather than plane.

RoyalPenguin · 27/03/2026 15:36

Have you mentioned the London comparison to him? I think he is being unreasonable and that might help him to realise.

GCAcademic · 27/03/2026 15:38

How unbelievably selfish of him.

dizzydizzydizzy · 27/03/2026 15:41

Your DH is not being reasonable. I can understand he might feel a bit left out etc but he can’t make it and so now wants to deny you and the DCs. He is an adult and should be able to recognise this. Hopefully he will.

mindutopia · 27/03/2026 15:46

He’s being ridiculous. What a baby. So he’s taking those days off to be home with the kids then is he since he doesn’t want to be without you?

I take mine away abroad without Dh all the time. He also takes them away without me. He and dd went to France for 2 weeks without me last summer. It was fantastic. I loved it. We both enjoy the peace! We have a dog who doesn’t travel well and a farm, so it’s hard to go away for any period of time altogether, so very normal for us to do things separately.

He sounds like he doesn’t like the idea of you being off having fun unless he can too. Since he can’t, he’s going to be the fun police. Absolutely I’d go. You don’t need his permission.

SummerInSun · 27/03/2026 15:52

The way he feels - sad to miss out - is reasonable. Nice to hear of a man on MN who actually wants to spend time on family outings with his DW and DC. But the way he is responding to that feeling - saying you shouldn’t go - is totally unreasonable. I’d try and talk to him again and say that while
you sympathise with his feelings and value his desire to be with the kids, to respond to that by trying to stop the three of you having a nice time really isn’t ok. He should care more about you and his kids having a good time than his own feelings.

ReadingCrimeFiction · 27/03/2026 15:52

Bloody hell. If DH offered to take the kids away for a few days while I was working, I'd bite his hand off. dh would be fine with it too if it was the other way round. How silly he is.

It's also completely normal by the way. We do it. And I have plenty of friends who do it a lot with family - eg she takes kids with her for a few days with her family and he does the same a few weeks later with his.

I'd sort of understand if it was a trip of a lifetime, but frankly, even then, not really unless it meant he would lose out on any sort of similar actifity or other tiprs away would be curtailed.

Original poster
AmIinthewrong88 · 27/03/2026 15:53

Thanks for all the replies

I do kind of get the feeling left out part, however over the years he has taken our eldest on various trips, to sporting events, to see friends etc without me or our youngest (who in fairness was a lot younger and he didn't like travelling with him so I stayed at home) but it was always a case of I was glad our eldest got to go and have fun

If I was doing anything for the first time without him I would get that, but as mentioned before, other than the location, we have all been on planes and to Zoo's etc various times.

There is a historic attraction there that he said he would like to go and take the kids to and I have said that seeing that isn't on my plan anyway.

OP posts:
LondonLady1980 · 27/03/2026 15:54

Tell him to stop being a total child.

My husband takes our children abroad twice a year without me and I wouldn’t dream of stopping him and taking that opportunity away from my children just because I couldn’t go too.

Tell him to grow up and get a grip.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/03/2026 15:57

You should definitely take them! He’s being ridiculous. Does he want you all to just sit around bored?

Does he plan to just sit about whilst you’re working in the following week?

DappledThings · 27/03/2026 15:57

He's being ridiculous. I'm taking DC away first week of the holidays. He's taken them away before in other holidays when he's been working. He generally takes all the half-terms off and I save my leave for the other holidays.

I don't know anyone who has enough leave to always be off at the same time and thinking you have to stay at home if your partner is working is very silly.

5128gap · 27/03/2026 15:59

Have you put it to him bluntly "Would you rather the children miss out on this so you don't feel left out?" If he's a decent dad who is just being thoughtless that might focus his thoughts. If he sticks to his guns...well, that's not great, is it? Regardless I'd be taking the DC on the trip. You can't start letting him restrict their opportunities because of his selfishness.

NobodysChildNow · 27/03/2026 16:03

He’s being really silly

IlovePhilMitchell · 27/03/2026 16:03

Do it! Thought you were going to ask if it would be too hard on your own!

DP is taking our child away solo at Easter and I am in summer.

ginasevern · 27/03/2026 16:04

So you've realised that you've now got 3 children OP. You'd think most busy parents would quite enjoy 3 days of peace and quiet. But honestly, what a complete dick he's being. Is this behaviour uncharacteristic or is he usually a pathetic brat? Or is there more to it?

ReadingCrimeFiction · 27/03/2026 16:14

The thing that annoys me most about this sort of response is a combination of victimhood (oh, poor me, I don't get to do fun stuff) and the selfishness (if I can't do it, my kids can't do it, even if it's a fantastic opportunity for them).

Did he also complain when the children were babies because everyone was focused on YOU and YOUR needs? Or perhaps complain that YOU were too focused on the baby and he was being ignored?

Does he resent it if you buy the kids a treat and don't buy one for him/

Argh, I really really hate this attitude from some men (and yes, I now it's not all men and probably there are women like this but my experience tells me it's MEN!)

DdraigGoch · 27/03/2026 16:15

Surely he should be pleased - both that his family would have a good time, and that he'll have a bit of peace & quiet while on nights.

EmbarrassmentLovesCompany · 27/03/2026 16:20

Sounds perfect.
He gets peace an quiet to sleep when he's on nights, and the kids are entertained over the holidays.

What is he going yo do with them when you are working the following week?

PS DH is taking DS2 to Spain for over the holidays - I did object mildly when he was talking about going the 4 days I have off (good Friday - Easter monday), but nie he's going while DS1 is also away, and im going to get 3 nights totally alone. Do I wish I could go with them - yes. Do I begrudge them using mine i cant get off? Absolutely not.

LouLou198 · 27/03/2026 16:20

He sounds like my ex husband. Go on the trip!

OhWise1 · 27/03/2026 16:22

Msybe he thinks it will take the shine off the family weekend trip at the end of the Easter holidays. Surely that shoukd be the highlight?

FlapperFlamingo · 27/03/2026 16:27

He is being ridiculous! If my DH did something with the DC, or I did it (separate) we were pleased for each other and the kids! Why should you wait at home when you can take them out and do something exciting for them?

Original poster
AmIinthewrong88 · 27/03/2026 16:42

The trip at the end of the holidays will be the highlight, because as well as us going there is a number of people from extended family and its for a family members big birthday so we're not taking away from that

I just wanted to do something that stopped the kids from wanting to sit on iPads all day and thought it would be a good adventure to do something different

DH also isn't the best traveller. I love flying, him not so much, so it was the perfect opportunity to do something I enjoy that he doesn't as much. And I have already said the historical things he would want to do, I have no interest in doing anyway so to me it was a win win

OP posts:
Abd80 · 27/03/2026 17:17

What ?! Go and have a lovely time.
I do this a lot as my husband works long hours all the time. So we just head off on our jollies. I’ve flown away with my three small children a few times aswell.

Endofyear · 27/03/2026 17:27

Sorry OP but your husband sounds like a petulant child! Tell him to grow up and then go and have a lovely time with the kids. What a baby 🙄