AIBU to take the children on a short UK trip without DH?

[AmIinthewrong88]

Along with many parents, we're entering the Easter holidays, and have split childcare. I'm off next week with DC (5 & 10) and Dh off the week after, then we are all going away the last weekend for a few days

DH is also working nights part of next week and then on a course the Weds & Thurs so won't be around at all, which is fine as I am off.

I have the opportunity (through work) to take the children away for a couple of days to a different city. Does involve a very short plane journey, but still within the UK (so think Edinburgh/Glasgow from London)

We would go on the Monday and come back on the Wednesday and my plan is to literally relax in the hotel, maybe visit a local animal attraction and have a some quick meals out. Nothing we wouldn't probably do if we were at home.

Spoke to DH about when he got home from work and he's not happy, says he feels like I am leaving him out (did offer for him to come but its come up at short notice and he can't get the time off) Said Its not fair that I would be doing things he would like to do with the kids for the first time - which I am really confused about as they have both been on a plane before and we have both taken them to animal centres/zoo's etc before

He also took our eldest to London for the first time without me, and I didn't bat an eyelid over it as it was just the circumstances meant I couldn't go

I now feel torn - I would really like a couple of days away, but also if he is going to upset over it feel like I should respect his wishes and not go, but I know the kids would love every second.

Just do it anyway. We have done trips alone with the DC plenty of times. It’s just not always practical to do everything together when both parents work

He’s been pathetic. I have often taken DD on breaks without DP. Its nice for kids to sometimes get some quality time with one parent. And families don’t have to be stuck together all the time.

@AmIinthewrong88 that's really unfair of him to say that. I'm a teacher and take the kids away in the holidays on my own. We have done city breaks and then stay with my parents. My DH doesn't mind and enjoys the peace!!

I'd be asking your DH to explain to the kids why they can't go.

I'd be saying ' look, I didn't complain when you took eldest to London for the first time and the other similar trips, so to be honest I think you should be pleased the kids and I are going somewhere and support us'

He’s being a child. Surely it is better for you to have them out of the house if he is on nights so he can sleep?

Agree with everyone else. He's being a selfish baby if he thinks you need to sit around doing nothing while he's working. You should plan a fun week, travel, see things, have experiences with the DC on your own.

This is definitely silly. My husband and I have each taken the kids away without the other parent - good way to get the most from our annual leave. I have a tradition of taking my kids away on their own now and again to get some 1:1 time too. Whoever is left behind enjoys the remaining child or some time to themselves.

Is he usually this controlling?

I would go purely because I would not want to set a precedent where he expresses displeasure=me not doing something I want to. It's an easy pattern to slip into, especially when faced with sulking so standing your ground this time is important, it shows you will push back.

Definitely go. And make sure the kids aren’t t aware of his views. My H was like this and on one occasion threw a strop when DS and I came home from Thorpe Park (it was a last minute thing) even though DS had been to a theme park before.

I really wish I’d gone nuclear as basically H said it in front of DS and after that he was really worried about doing stuff on our own (strangely enough H was never keen to join us on a wet weekend down the local swing park!).

Your DH is being a selfish sod and you should not let his behaviour stop you.

Well DH has been in a foul mood tonight. For context we had argued earlier in the week about something and now hes in a strop. I have literally been moaned at for not setting thr place mats at dinner right, putting something in the fridge wrong and because I wasn't feeling 100% and really cold i'm selfish for getting a blanket for me because I didn't ask if he wanted one

I've pretty much decided I am going just to get away from him now

I suggested something similar a few years ago and my DH actively encouraged me to go. He stays at home with the eldest (17) who doesn't want to come and he works while we're away. We now go about 3 times a year and says he loves knowing we're having a special time together. He's being selfish! I think try and go and tell him.how much it means to be able to do it abd encourage him to do the same if he wants to. My DH takes them away to do a hobby so its nice we both get 121 time with them.

Ridiculous. Go.

I used to take mine away alone a lot when they were small as I got so much more leave than DH. He’s being silly.

If I was in his position I’d enjoy the peace and quiet after work!

Awww poor thing is missing out. It’s all
a bit too grown up for this manchild.

Go and have a great time. Can’t believe he wants his kids to miss out because he has to. Knob.

Like him, I would feel hurt and left out, but such is life. It’s exactly the situation DH and I have and you just have to deal with it like an adult. I certainly wouldn’t stop them going.

What an absolute bell end. I sincerely hope you go, it’s my biggest regret being shackled to my unadventurous brat of a husband when my kids were smaller. Is he always jealous of his children? Sounds like the type that would ruin special occasions because they’re not all about him.

What a complete twat.

there is no way on earth I’d stay married to such a deeply selfish man. Imagine wanting to prevent the people you love having fun because you can’t go?!

im staggered that you’re so passive about this.

of course I’d go, and if for some other reason I didn’t want to divorce him, I’d tell him to grow the fuck up.

I didn’t read this one when I first posted, I’m sorry op but he is absolutely awful.

I think he is being unreasonable. I understand that he is sad and feels he is missing out - he is. And it;s nice that he wants to be with you and DC. But to prevent you all from having a lovely time just because he can;t be there seems unfair.

Can you discuss it again - point out you were fine about him taking eldest to London; that you wish he could come too, but since he can't, is it not better to give them this experience than miss it?

If he is habitually like this, I'd ignore him and go anyway. But it's better to be in agreement. Most people can work these things through with a bit of mutual respect and kindness.

Oh he is a man baby and being ridiculous, you have to miss out because he is "sad" go on the trip.

I remember over 23 years ago my SIL pulling this attitude as she was working and BIL was having a day out with the kids meeting up with their cousins. I still after all these years think how absolutely selfish she was making the kids miss out. Go on your trip and have a lovely time.

We used to do separate weekends/short breaks with the kids. DH used to take them to.a theme park yearly, i would do something a bit more sedate with them it wouldn't occur to us to stop each other going.

My god he sounds exhausting least when you go away you will get a bit of peace.

It's healthy to spend some tine with different members of your family - both parents getting 1:1 with each child, parents without DC, each adult getting some alone time. Your DH is presumably going to do some fun activities with the children when you are working and he is looking after them. It's not fair that they should miss out just because one adult can't go. If you are away when he is working nights that's a great benefit as well.

I took my kids glamping without dh last easter. We loved it. Dh didn't grumble