AIBU to take the children on a short UK trip without DH?

[AmIinthewrong88]

Along with many parents, we're entering the Easter holidays, and have split childcare. I'm off next week with DC (5 & 10) and Dh off the week after, then we are all going away the last weekend for a few days

DH is also working nights part of next week and then on a course the Weds & Thurs so won't be around at all, which is fine as I am off.

I have the opportunity (through work) to take the children away for a couple of days to a different city. Does involve a very short plane journey, but still within the UK (so think Edinburgh/Glasgow from London)

We would go on the Monday and come back on the Wednesday and my plan is to literally relax in the hotel, maybe visit a local animal attraction and have a some quick meals out. Nothing we wouldn't probably do if we were at home.

Spoke to DH about when he got home from work and he's not happy, says he feels like I am leaving him out (did offer for him to come but its come up at short notice and he can't get the time off) Said Its not fair that I would be doing things he would like to do with the kids for the first time - which I am really confused about as they have both been on a plane before and we have both taken them to animal centres/zoo's etc before

He also took our eldest to London for the first time without me, and I didn't bat an eyelid over it as it was just the circumstances meant I couldn't go

I now feel torn - I would really like a couple of days away, but also if he is going to upset over it feel like I should respect his wishes and not go, but I know the kids would love every second.

I would have been delighted to have the house to myself, it only happened a couple of times when children were little when DH took them to Spain to see his sister. He sounds insecure.

Asked him again this morning and he said hes not completely opposed he is sad he is missing out but it is what it is.

Also said he worries that all 3 of us go away and in the very unlikely event something happened that's his worry

But then I said that's the same anytime I get in thr car with them or have a day out with them

Yes just do it! I work term time and dd and I go away several times without dh. We’re off today to Spain for 5 nights leaving Dh behind. He always says he’ll miss us but what’s the point hanging around the house when he’s out at work all day. Go and enjoy yourselves!

So he would rather his kids miss out. I find that very selfish and i’d be telling him so.

Good grief. Just go.

An adult man stomping his foot and having a tantrum because 'its not fair' that his kids get to have fun while he has to go to work? Ridiculous.

diddums. Here we go again - men thinking they can tell adult women what they are allowed to do. And extra points to him pretending it’s about him being the big protector. It’s weird of him - women are out of the house in public with their children all the time - sometimes quite a distance from the house. This is about controlling his family’s independence. Push back with gusto.

I often used to take my kids away for short breaks and leave dh at home.

I loved it 😂. So much easier just going with the flow on what the kids want to do and enjoying their company than worrying about another adult 😂

Does he have form for this sort of victim-style manipulation?

I’m a teacher. DC and I go away all the time without DH! He enjoys the peace at home for a few days. YADNBU.

DH is being U at best and his behaviour seems rather toxic.

Your plan sounds nice!

He’s totally unreasonable

he can do what he likes when it’s his turn to have time off

reasonable to want to go away once a year as a family I’d say but it’s totally normal for it to be difficult beyond that because, as you have found, parents have to stagger leave!

Yes this ! It really is unnecessary isn't it ?

My mum took me and my sister to Switzerland and Amsterdam for long weekends while my dad was working. He didn't care. He was happy we got to do some extra travelling.

Sounds great OP. I think maybe he just needed a bit of time to get his head round it. It's quite nice in a way that he's sad he is missing out as a lot of men wouldn't care.

If I was Dh I would just go, sod work, work shouldn’t come before family and if I lose my job, I go get another but If he has chosen a job that means more to him than that then he has to accept that commitment to work or he takes an easily replaceable menial job and doesn’t care if he loses it as he can just go get another job and choose to enjoy life and make memories.
He has choices but he can’t have both. Life means different things to different people.
You can replace jobs and jobs will replace you but you can’t replace family and you can’t have that time back.

You what? You'd quit your job in order to go on a low key domestic trip when there was another (more significant) family outing happening less than two weeks later?

I’d take the time off regardless of what they said and if it meant finding another job then so be it. Family comes first.
Why should someone else tell me when I can or can’t do something if I want to go I’ll go.

I would feel left out and pissed off that I was missing out BUT the world doesn’t revolve around round me and I’d just get over it
and more importantly keep it too myself

on a practical level working nights and trying to keep kids quiet is a terrible combination

You’d definitely be finding another job because most employers would rightly so sack you for that
it’s a balance between putting family 1st and financially providing for them

Wow, he sounds like a baby! Definitely go, I don’t know why he’d want your DC to miss out.

Tell him to explain to the children why they can’t go.

Selfish Pratt.

That’s nuts. Why would he not want his family to enjoy something if he can’t make it? Just go and let him get used to it.
I do this all the time. I’m taking dc away next week without dh on a uk break. There wasn’t even discussion around it. I take the dc abroad too.

It's understandable he wishes he could go and he's sorry to be missing out, but it's pointless to dwell on it if he can't go and the trip can't be rescheduled. Unless it's a specific location he had earmarked for a family trip, his FOMO on the children's "firsts" doesn't make sense - was he equally worried that you would miss out when the children travelled with just him?

It sounds like a great opportunity and it's not like you have the choice for three of you to go now or four later, it's now or nothing. So why should four people miss out instead of just one? Especially coming from a parent begrudging their children a holiday, it sounds pretty selfish and childish. Parents generally sacrifice for their children, not vice versa.

As for him stropping and moaning because you've disagreed with him and quibbling over the blanket - it sounds like he's snapped out of it for now but if he makes a habit of this, I'd keep an eye on it to make sure he isn't trying to "punish" you for disagreeing or for voicing your needs in the hopes that you'll stop. He sounds kind of controlling and a bit "tit for tat" or "what's in it for me?" about everything, rather than balancing his wants with what's best for you and the children.