AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

[N3wUs3rNam3Again]

Is this familiar to anyone else ? I was born in the 80s, my Dad worked a physical job long hours, often away and seemed to mostly sleep when home. My Mum worked part time, mostly school hours, although not when we were little, but she wasn't really a present mum, definitely not child focussed. I don't remember her ever playing with us, although she did read and sing to us at night.

I am 1 of 3 children, so was lucky I had 2 siblings to play with and keep me occupied. In the summer we spent a lot of time outside playing with neighbouring kids, this was without adult supervision, kids ages would range from 5-12, we'd be booted out at 9am. Go in for lunch then back out until 5, we'd go on adventures, get chased by farmers, the big kids looked after the little kids. Were streets safer? There were definitely less cars and more kids, so safety in numbers perhaps.

At home we had a television and a commodore 64, although spent more time watching the commodore 64 load than we did playing it. But I watched Tele, loads of it, Lassie, black beauty, little house on the prairie, the Walton's , neighbours, home and away, blockbusters, why don't you, heart beat, grange hill, BykerGrove, button moon, playschool, T bag, Timmy Mallet, the list is endless and I watched it all without parent oversight.

My parents and their friends, mostly our mum's, drank a lot at weekends, I remember many gathering aged from 5-11 either at our house or friend's where our mum's would get drunk and in the summer we kids would roam outside. We didn't get in to trouble, though I think that's due to luck more than anything. In the winter we'd pile in to a bedroom playing hide and seek in the dark , telling ghost stories, calling up spirits, playing truth or dare and raps (card game).

Even at the beach the parents didn't seem to supervise us, all the kids would be in the sea, mums sunbathing / sleeping but the older kids looked after the younger ones. Again it was probably more luck than anything that we didn't get into trouble.

All sounds quite lovely really even with absent parents although my mum was definitely present if we misbehaved or made a fuss and would give us a smack across our legs for bad behaviour and from memory I think we must have been pretty bad and often!

I just wondered really if my childhood was so totally different to everyone else's as reading posts on here, it seems everyone used to do it so much better than the parents who are doing it today. Don't get me wrong I had a happy enough childhood and my basic needs were met but just because my parents didn't give me a handheld screen to watch doesn't mean they were present and doing it better than the parent today who does.

AIBU - that is not how it was in the 80s for you and your parents were way more present than parents are today.

The list of TV shows almost all aimed at children shows why there was no adult intervention. There were only 3 channels in the 1980s and at the times they were on if a child was watching TV, that's what they saw. Yes best patenting practice would have been to watch the programmes and discuss the themes covered, especially with Grange Hill, but no child was going to see anything that could be considered adult content at that time in the evening (all before the 6 o'clock News).
I really don't think that every mother was getting drunk every weekend in the 80s.

@EmeraldShamrock000 We were regularly flashed at as kids, there was a prolific flasher in our village, I don't know how he got away with it, he was reported numerous times.

Sounds more like complete control. Maybe your children would love a bit of freedom.

Parents was a noun back then and not a verb .

I had a great childhood .We didn't know how lucky we were . The independence prepared us for our lives ahead .

I grew up in the 70s/80s and i can honestly say i am so glad i did. I feel so sorry for children these days, no freedom, not being allowed to "just be" Every decision you make about anything having to be explained, picked over and micro managed by your parents. It really must be a living hell.
We have so many children that can't cope these days i would say parents of the last generation have got it so wrong. The proof is in the pudding.

It sounds pretty similar. My parents were great, I wasn’t put in dangerous situations and they were never harsh with me. But there was more of a sense they were getting with their lives and the kids were just around mostly entertaining themselves.

Like my mother had bridge night many Fridays, nibbles, drinks and Bridge… other women would take their kids and we’d all amuse ourselves. I just can’t picture myself and my friends sitting around playing cards on the regular (then driving home with our kids after a few drinks) And if there was a small kid there you’d be just expected to mind them.

It’s more child centred nowadays. Some of this is good. But I think the kids suffer from a lack of unsupervised play. It’s like we have gone too far the other way.

I don't recognise that parenting style OP either from bringing my kids up in the 80s and 90s or from my own 60s and 70s childhood.

Nor me. I wouldn't change my childhood (60s) for one today. 🙄

I agree with this, my sister and I are incredibly resilient and very “take charge” and can find our way out of pretty much any scenario. My own children are very much wet lettuce types in comparison (and I mean that with love!).

On rare occasion I needed petrol when my two were in the car I never took them out though I’d always try to fill up when I was on my own. I’d certainly never leave them in the car to do,the weekly shop. It’s so easy to judge other parents and I think we’re all guilty of that. I think be it now or in the past parents did what they thought was right and tbh most parents wing it.

I was born late 70s and my childhood was pretty much as you described. We were raised by the coast and I was regularly alone on the beach or there with my younger brother's with no adults from about 8 years old, how we didn't drown I'll never know!

I’m not a parent so I can’t comment on whether what parents do now is better or worse, but in many ways my 80s childhood was like yours and I was generally happy with it. I don’t remember my mum playing with me - my dad did, once a year on holiday in the annual boules-at-the-French-campsite ritual - but she did read to me and because she didn’t work until I was at secondary (and only PT then) she was always around.

My parents didn’t drink and I wasn’t roaming about until I was a teenager, though. More playing in the street when younger, but still in view of the house.

The big thing that has changed for the better is smacking. Knowing my parents, they aren’t the kind of people who would have done it if they’d known better. But they didn’t.

My experience of growing up in the 80s is that I had lots of freedom which was great as I was pretty much left to enjoy myself which as a child and a teenager was brilliant, but on the flip side of that was a very un-involved mother who played a very small role in my childhood which has obviously had longer term implications.

The saying goes that every cloud has a silver lining but it works both ways. The perceived benefit of “hands off parenting” isn’t always a good thing in the long term.

My mum was great and played with us, thought of activities we could do at home, took us out on day trips etc - so we weren’t totally left to get on with it - BUT, the main difference was ‘playing out’. The freedom and independence we had was huge compared to the norm now.

From about 8/9 years old, me and my sibling were able to play out in the streets around our area (inner London), the local park etc. At 9/10 years old I regularly got the bus or train to the swimming pool or cinema 30 minutes away with friends. I walked to and from school. I could play out all day in the holidays and my mum wouldn’t worry as long as we were back before dark. This was totally normal.

I have fond memories of huge gangs of children aged 7-12 or 13 years roaming around together, playing ‘run outs’ir hide and seek, having water fights in the summer etc. Not a parent in sight.

Born early 70s and yes, I think compared to today, it was hands-off. I was allowed to play out in the street from the age of about six, unsupervised, though with limits as to how far I could roam. At home, my sister and I were largely left to amuse ourselves - we didn't do planned activities or what's now called 'play dates' - very occasional 'friend to tea' as a treat, and birthday parties only.

My parents didn't impose limits on TV watching but in those days it was self-limiting as children's programmes were confined to specific slots, and daytime TV wasn't really a thing in my early childhood, you got long periods of no transmission with the occasional burst of the test card! I used to do a lot of drawing, making my own cartoon strips; writing stories, writing letters to my grandma who I adored, and I was an avid reader, I would happily re-read books many times if I had nothing new to read. I would also do a lot of craft things. In the summer my sister and I would play in the garden, making dens and so on.

We did go on a lot of day trips in spring/summer of the cheap and cheerful variety - picnic lunch and my dad was a voucher/offer fiend, if he could get cheap tickets by collecting 50 labels from baked beans, we'd be eating baked beans every day 😄

I walked to school by myself from the age of about six.

Discipline, sadly, was very much hands-on, or rather, slipper on, and I would be whacked very hard, till I bruised, for quite minor things - I was not an intentionally naughty child, but, as I learned later in life, I was autistic (not something my parents would have heard of) and I would get whacked if I, e.g. refused to wear an item of clothing because the material 'hurt' me or made a fuss because something in my bedroom had been changed and I couldn't sleep, that kind of thing - beaten into compliance, basically.

So, yes, probably a very different experience 40-50 years ago than in 2026.

I forgot about the flashers. We had one as well.

They don’t seem to be around any more.

Are parents saying they are more supervising and present compared to the past - and at the same time needing to give kids screen time to get things done

Have child abduction rates gone up?

I’m not sure children are routinely abducted these days. Our perception has changed.

I personally think children are overprotected in the real world and under protected in the online world

Growing up I had a lot of freedom. I lived in a small village and from about 8 we’d disappear off all day and just be back by tea time?

I definitely think my parents were on the relaxed side when I used to go to clubs at 16. I don’t remember having a curfew. But I never had to lie to them. So who knows if they got it right. I was pretty street smart at a young age. We do need to learn how to handle lots of different situations.

They are all on the Internet or apps sending d*ck pics.

We'd always go to the pub on the way home from beach when we went with friends. Kids left outside whilst Adults went in. We didn't really mind as we'd get a bottle of coke and packet of crisps to keep us quiet. And on that note we'd all be squashed in 1 car, 2 adults up front and 5 kids squished in the back and on laps. I don't think our parents knew about the drink driving laws.

I could have written this myself! Even down to my parents jobs.
I loved it, have so many happy memories of the house parties, the karaoke machine coming out and my mum putting on a proper 80s buffet of vol au vents and cheese and pickle hedgehogs.
We talk about it often, thanks for reminding me!
Neither of my parents drove so we walked and took the bus everywhere as we couldn't get lifts or picked up. My friends drive 50 miles each way to drop off and collect their kids on a Saturday night, we just never had that luxury.

@MrsLizzieDarcy child abduction rates (by a stranger) are low and have always been low. I think some huge cases made parents more aware of the risk though.

Risks from traffic have definitely increased though. And anti social behaviour which makes us all feel more unsafe.

I was going to nightclubs at 15 too for the gigs, never drank just liked dancing and listening to the music.
My mum and dad knew and I never lied to them, they trusted me not to be an idiot.
I totally agree about the online thing, so glad that was after my time.

Oh my goodness yes the flashers. There were so many.

This. I don't think today's parenting is doing kids many favours.

I had a 90's childhood similar to the OP's and loved it. Not sure what the complaints are all about. I had so much fun.