Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To feel hurt my best friend ditched me while I was sectioned?

112 replies

FlounderTheGuppy · 26/03/2026 13:15

I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive or if this is as upsetting as it feels.

I had a very close friend of 18 years. We grew up together and I genuinely thought she’d always be in my life.

Around 18 months ago I went through a severe mental health crisis and ended up being sectioned. It was the lowest point of my life and something I’m still trying to process.

Instead of supporting me, she completely cut me off. No messages, no checking in, nothing.

What’s hurt even more is that before she disappeared, she said some really harsh things to me – that I was selfish and a bad mum. At a time when I was already struggling so much, that really stuck with me.

Since then, I haven’t heard from her at all.

I keep going over it wondering if I did something wrong, or if there’s something I’m missing, but I also feel really let down. After 18 years of friendship, I never imagined she’d walk away when I was at my lowest.

Part of me thinks maybe she just couldn’t cope with it, but another part of me feels like a real friend wouldn’t have treated me like that.

AIBU to still feel hurt about this and struggle to understand it, or do I need to accept that some friendships just end like this?

OP posts:

iamfedupwiththis · 26/03/2026 18:45

The thing is my friend who was there is person who would take me to a&e, sit with me in bed or with the crisis team etc - had kids, a full time job and her husband doesn’t drive so she put herself out and she was there physically and is STILL my friend.

Read that back to yourself. How much of this person did you take from them. Maybe they felt they couldn't say no.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2026 18:46

OP I think realistically most friendships are going to be conditional in some way. It sounds like she was hoping to get through to you with what she considered home truths but gave up when it didn't work.

PoppinjayPolly · 26/03/2026 18:53

iamfedupwiththis · 26/03/2026 18:45

Read that back to yourself. How much of this person did you take from them. Maybe they felt they couldn't say no.

And maybe they knew how horribly they’d be spoken about if they didn’t do what was being demanded?

NotThisAgainSunshine · 26/03/2026 18:54

Honestly you’re far better off without her.

She lacks empathy and understanding of MH, so I would say good riddance to her. She’s not kind.

I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery, but try not to think about her or work her out. You won’t be able to, plus she’s not worth it 💐

Shayisgreat · 26/03/2026 19:16

I "dropped" a friend after she was sectioned.

I did this after years of one way conversations centred around her needs, interests, delusions at times, fixations, dramas, and suicide plans. I was just done.

I don't regret it.

I wonder if you being sectioned what the impetus your friend needed to realise that being your friend wasn't sustainable for her. I'm sure you're hurt but friendships aren't unconditional. She met her limit by the sounds of it.

WorthyQuail · 26/03/2026 19:17

EsmeCrowfoot · 26/03/2026 18:06

But then people should use their words and explain that. Not ghost.

Show quote history

How do you know she hasn't?

The OP hasn't given much detail at all and she hasn't even mentioned how she has supported this friend either so maybe its not been reciprocal.

Or maybe she knew it was pointless - as this poster says: I did this after years of one way conversations centred around her needs, interests, delusions at times, fixations, dramas, and suicide plans. I was just done

maybe she was done by then and utterly exhausted

WorthyQuail · 26/03/2026 19:22

iamfedupwiththis · 26/03/2026 18:10

Why is it some people with MH issues can only see it from their point of view, why can they never see if from anyone else's?

It is bloody draining having a friend/family member with MH issues, it saps you of every bit of energy you have, you fear phone calls from numbers you don't know wondering if this is the time they will have actually succeeded.

Friends/family step away because they have to!

But you can't understand that can you??

Show quote history

Are you replying to me? because I AGREE with you. I posted upthread about my own mother's mental health issues and how they ruined my childhood

iamfedupwiththis · 26/03/2026 19:25

WorthyQuail · 26/03/2026 19:22

Are you replying to me? because I AGREE with you. I posted upthread about my own mother's mental health issues and how they ruined my childhood

Show quote history

No I am not replying to you lovely.

It was a general response ro the thread and to the OP

AmIReallyTheGrownup · 26/03/2026 19:34

FlounderTheGuppy · 26/03/2026 18:22

Thank you all, I’ve read nearly all the replies. I suppose neither of us are in the right or wrong or are inherently bad people, she just had her reasons and that was that. I think it’s as said above that it was never explained - she could’ve simply said I’m finding this hard to listen to so I’m still your friend but for now I have to step back.

My DH always said he thought the friend who was there for me was a “true” friend, whereas he was never 100% keen on the one the thread is about.

I guess I just thought our 18 year friendship and all we went through was stronger than letting what turned out to be a less than 18 month difficult period break it.

I’d always had some low level anxiety about my health, but never to the point it would affect others or my day to day life. I think it was triggered as my close relative had been to the GP complaining a few times, was told it was nothing to worry about - then quite literally dropped down dead at 25. On top of this it was around COVID time, my youngest was born, my marriage suffered and it was just an accumulation of things, I think.

I fully appreciate how difficult it must’ve been for the people around me. Luckily my youngest was only a year old, and my eldest was at school and spent most of his evenings and weekends at my parents during that time.

I’m a lot better now - it was a gradual process but I’m there. I have a great relationship again with my children who are both with us again and I have my youngest with me as a stay at home mum again, I get out and about, I’ve gained all the weight (and more!) back and things thankfully seem ok.

As someone who was separated from their mum for mental health reasons at a similar, pre verbal age, & is still in weekly therapy in my 40s despite a very successful life, do not underestimate the impact on either of your children. It is slightly baffling that you keep maintaining they’re absolutely fine.

There is nothing fine about prolonged absences from your mum at that age.

sharkstale · 26/03/2026 19:37

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 26/03/2026 13:34

I suspect this to be the case. Unfortunately, having bad mental health to the level of sectioning means OP may have behaved in a way the friend felt was unforgivable - the two things we know the friend commented on were being “selfish” and “a bad mom.” Bad mental health doesn’t excuse actions; it just explains them. You still need to apologize and make amends to those who have been hurt. It sounds like your friend was so upset by your behavior that she cut you off. Any idea why she would call you selfish or a bad mum, OP? Somewhere in the answer to this question will be the reason why she cut you off (and you don’t have to tell MN! Just give it your own private thought).

There’s a big difference between being unable to get out of bed and care for the kids due to ill mental health and leaving young children to fend for themselves while going out to drink/party/shag, even if it was a mental health episode. I’ve seldom seen people lose lifelong friends over the former, but I’ve seen plenty lose it over the latter. The problem is that they ARE both manifestations of ill mental health: depression in the first case and probably something like bipolar disorder for the second.

Show quote history

I was going to say something along the lines of this, but this pretty much covers it all.

PollyBell · 26/03/2026 19:39

Being friends has to work for both people it is not all one way we dont know how you acted towards them we only have the bits you told us from your point of view

MabelBridge · 26/03/2026 19:42

I think it’s easy to judge when you haven’t been through it @FlounderTheGuppy. Friends like this are not around for cancer or a parent’s dementia either. Give yourself peace 💐

Flip

1 2 3 4 5