AIBU to hate having people to stay at short notice 🤦‍♀️?

[queenceleste]

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

Then tell them it’s inconvenient. They’ll understand.

Well DH was asked and agreed. I was told about it. The guest is effectively family.

Well if DH agreed then he can take on the hosting. I would do nothing and not get involved bar being polite

You have to learn to say no, I don't like people staying i have a medical issue and having someone staying is inconvenient. If you don't want them staying you will need to say something maybe they can get a premier inn or whatever.

People have to take me as they find me - if my house isn't tidy enough for them they won't come again!

Well dh can host them.

Are you expected to sort out everything?

I would not treat them as a guest. They are not invited to spend time with you.

You are doing a favour someone from family, who needs to just have a place to sleep.

As pp, DH can host. I solved the issue of unwanted guests by removing all the beds from my house (apart from mine) when the DC left home. No beds, no bedrooms = no guests.

They're family staying, it doesn't need to be 'guest ready' when I stay with family/friends I don't give one thought to 'the state of the house' im just grateful to have somewhere to sleep (often a couch) & feel welcome.

likewise when they stay here. If it's short notice. They take me as they find me. A bit of notice I'll put some effort in.

meals are basic, not 'dinner invite' level.

Thank you, I’m glad I’m not alone
😍

I just think staying with a family midweek just before the holidays, leaving your car etc between other trips and visits. It feels a bit s—t. They are effectively family and are good in so many ways. But I could do without it this week! It’s such an imposition. And I do feel judged. But that’s on me really.

Exactly.

I’ve voted YABU because you could have said no. As I’ve got older, I’ve realised that other people don’t have a problem saying no to me so now I only put myself out if it suits me 🤷‍♀️

I don’t really long hosting guests full stop. We only have one bathroom (two loos thankfully) and feel bad expecting guests to share a room.

I understand and feel exactly the same way! But I also think people are grateful for somewhere to stay and the mess you see they probably don’t even notice

I understand wanting to present the house nicely for guests.

But in these circumstances (last minute, mid week, it’s a favour for them) then they take you as they find you. Even a sniff of judgement on their part and I’d be quite clear about why I’d decline any such future requests.

NB: neither my DH or I would accept a request like that without checking with the other.

I totally agree with you OP. Even if the house was immaculate the spare room visitor-ready, just having to be "on" all the time, for the duration of the visit, really tires me out.

*bathroom

I have never and will never have guests to stay in the house. It’s not worth the stress is caused me.

Plenty of hotels around to pick from.

In our case, its always DH's family who invite themselves. I know i should say that if DH is happy to put up with that, then it should be DH who does the work/hosting - but its hard.

I CANNOT stand other people in my space
I would be livid with DH

But they asked if it was OK your husband said yes, I don't understand the midweek thing but it seems difficult for you, just let them come and go but for next time you have to discuss things with your husband.

I wouldn’t be refusing to put up a family member for the night. They’re family.

I also wouldn’t be judging the house of a family member who has offered to put me up.

Just say no

Unless DH is literally doing every single prep, hosting and clean up task

It's quite reasonable to refuse. I have had to refuse most guests the last few months and it's ok so long as you're clear that the problem is your health, exhaustion threshold and general busyness, rather than not liking the person.