AIBU to hate having people to stay at short notice 🤦‍♀️?

[queenceleste]

we have a friend coming to stay tonight en route to various things, leaving his car, coming and going etc.
it’s not a great week for us at all really but it’s such an effort for me.
I’ve never been a great host, we don’t have a straightforward guest room. I lost our cleaner in Covid and have not found anyone since.
i have people staying as well as the house isn’t at all perfect and I feel judged.

I wish I could be one of those amazing hosts. But I have some health issues which are slowing me down at the moment.

midweek visits - it just sucks I think.

but I should have a home more ready shouldn’t I? I should’nt feel so insecure I know but I massively do.

That is so rude, the company should have been paying for her accommodation and why weren't the other pair staying with the friends they were visiting... let me guess...

Any chance your home is slightly too comfortable and you could downgrade Hotel Janey to a 2* affair? Towels that are scratchy and tiny. Run out the hot water. We've just had a more modern water meter installed and on investigation it appears you can throttle back the water pressure..... 🤔

I don't like hosting or having visitors. I totally get how you feel.

Not at all OP.
Our ‘guest’ room is where DH sleeps (bad snoring!), and where my desk is. DH has a mucky, trade job so there are inevitably dirty clothes, dust etc unless we’ve recently cleaned it / changed bed, and to be honest that room is the lowest on my list of priorities.
I need plenty of advance notice of guests to get at least that & main bathroom guest-ready.
Aldo mid week wdnt really work for us due to work / school hours etc.

I used to be quite happy to host and enjoyed catching up with people but over the years and after a big row with a sibling I realised that I was keeping areas of our own home in a state of ‘guest readiness’ for people who came once a year, rather than actually using those rooms fully ourselves. What was the point?!

Covid changed a lot and our guest bedroom is now my workspace, although I do keep clean sheets on the bed in case of an emergency.

These days I would host a person travelling on their own if the situation arose and there was a genuine need (especially a young person) but probably not a couple or family.

To be honest, once you get to a certain point in life I really feel that if you want to travel somewhere you should be able to spring for a hotel.

I also think of the lukewarm welcomes (and less-than-clean toilets!) that I have encountered when making daytime visits (with reasonable warning) to family members and think that I should probably just match that level of effort. But I wouldn’t, because I have pride and wouldn’t dream of offering that to someone who was staying in my home. So then it all starts to feel a bit uneven…

PS. One family member was always very keen to ‘catch up’ and visit us when we lived in a convenient part of London. Put him up several times. Moved out of town and never heard from him since!

Have you explained to your DH how you feel about hosting guests ?

He knows and gets it but some people are effectively family

My DS has a girlfriend and now they spend a lot of time at ours. They are great people but I just feel under immense pressure to have the house ready each and every time she’s comes. Tomorrow they plan to cook together, so now I need to clean the fridge, and the whole kitchen properly as well as the bathrooms again. I work full-time and enjoy doing my housework when I have time and not when forced to do to meet visitor deadlines. I hate it! I also know it’s not forever, he’ll be off to Uni in a 1.5 years.

I don’t understand really. Even family can be told it isn’t a good time for them to stay.

If you don’t want to enforce the boundary then I guess you just have to put up and shut up.

Don’t your dc want to come back sometimes?

Get dh to change the bed. Stick a folded clean towel or two on the end if it. Order takeaway. Give Dh shopping list for anything else. Job done.

So you're DCs can never stay overnight/for the weekend?!

I love having guests, BUT they only come at my invitation.
I am not a BnB or a convenient free parking space.
You might want to suggest that to your husband.

No one has ever stayed in my house, not even a night!
I think your very generous in letting him stay, personally I wouldn't.

I would honestly do one of these two things

• Go out to a friend who's 'having a crisis and really needs support' even if you end up going to the cinema or Costa with a book on your own
• Claim a migraine and take yourself upstairs for an early night saying 'don't worry, DH will take care of everything for you'

A friend of ours asked to stay this weekend. I can’t think of anything worse than getting the sheets cleaned, and making sure the house is tidy, plenty of food and drink in etc. So guess what?? I said no and said this weekend isn’t convenient due to XYZ.

I don’t feel guilty as he’s my DH’s friend who has stayed with us a several times over the years. We have never once asked to stay with him. I’m not a drop in B&B.

I differentiate between a family/friend “using us as an en route pit stop “ type visit and a proper visit, visit. For the former, I may get folks to make their own bed depending on how busy I have been and will offer them what is available for dinner rather than going to great effort. We do live somewhere that people pass through and I quite enjoy short spontaneous visitors as long as they don’t expect the home to be hotel standard.

A visit, visit is different and I would expect to have notice for that and for it to be at a mutually agreeable time so I have the opportunity to prep.

My US relatives who say they will be staying for a few nights of their two week
long uk trip and then end up at our house for the entire two week duration, eating our food using our amenities and exhausting our goodwill, deserve their own special label. Moochers kind of fits the bill.

Have they stayed before and been fussy or hard work? Set the tone as soon as they arrive by telling them it's been a tough week and they'll have to take you as they find you, pitch in or whatever. They can make their own bed - just hand them the sheets. Maybe they'll bring a nice 'thank you for having me' gift or treat you all to a take away!