I am so sick of hearing about menopause

[haveyouheardthemenopauseisshit]

I get the menopause is a big deal for many women and the symptoms are not nice.

However, do we have to talk about it all the time? I feel like I am hearing about it multiple times a day. We have menopause awareness sessions and e-learning at work. I’m targeted by advertising every time I look at my phone for some new product / vitamin / book etc which is supposed to help with menopause symptoms. I feel like it’s constantly being mentioned on the radio, TV, by people I know.

If someone is forgetful, it’s the menopause. If they’re tired, it’s the menopause. If they’re angry, it’s the menopause. If they’re hot, it’s the menopause.

I’m 39 and I feel bombarded by all of this “THE MENOPAUSE IS COMING SOON AND IT WILL BE SHIT” messaging.

I am also a bit worried that it will make it even harder to be taken seriously as a woman in the workplace, since the prevailing message now seems to be that women over 45 are basically useless because of all the issues caused by their hormones.

I’m guessing I’ll be in the minority here and everyone else will think that the awareness raising is a good thing but I just find it quite depressing!

I believe I started my perimenopause somewhere in my late 30s. Starting with skipping periods, first one missed in 2012. A few more the next year, and so on. In late 2014, digestive issues started and daily headaches. If I ever took a day off work, it was because I felt really ill. Probably the peri was the cause of it, but I never mentioned that to my workmates or friends. My DH was aware of it though.

I am on HRT and I really had to fight to get the doctor's to take me seriously due to age. Including changing doctor's practice. HRT has helped with my sleeping, got rid of headaches, hopefully protecting my bones. Its a medication for sure, but its replacing missing hormones and I'm lucky that I can have it.

I'm 50 years old and periods have been finished for a while. Glad to have no PMT as it was really awful. Still on HRT and not intending to finish it.

I was happy to read factual information about Menopause and not read other ladies experience's of it. I was watched Davina's show so that gave me the final push to get HRT.

I've never used my peri/menopause as an excuse not to work or look after my daugher (and hubby) but understand that other women have it much worse. I watched my work colleague deal with hot flushes at work. She never went on HRT. She got breast cancer, had to have knee replacements after the age of 55 when she retired.

OP, i hope you have a happy perimenopause !! You never know what its like for someone until you've tried it yourself. Given that there's 34+ different symptoms, you can expect one or two at least..

Honestly, I turn 40 this year and I’m terrified of the menopause from everything I keep seeing and reading about it.

I think it is good to get a balance. Not everyone gets the brain fog or anxiety or anger or really uncomfortable hot flushes. I got off relatively lightly, except for the horrific migraines. No smugness here, just relating my experience.

I agree. I am the same age as you and its all Peri-menopause is responsible for everything.

It makes me immediately suspicious they are trying to sell me some supplements or "treat youself" culture. Sometimes I am having a bad day because its a bad day.

Sick of it.

No, talking about things that are recognised symptoms of menopause/perimenopause isn't 'scaremongering', it's just accurate information.

Are you suggesting that women are blaming things on menopause which aren't recognised menopausal symptoms? Are you sure about that? Have you actually looked at a full list of the symptoms menopause can cause? Presumably you're aware that hormones control and affect an absolute shitload of physical and psychological processes in the body?

If a woman of typical perimenopausal age has been otherwise in good health, why on earth would it be unreasonable for her to suspect that her symptoms are caused by perimenopause?

Right but you weren't bombared from your 38th birthday with posts telling you how bad it is all the time.

You can't stop the menopause so let people know where the information is when they need it and let them enjoy their lives before the innevitable happens.

I was in the midst of Peri when I was thirty and went through an early menopause and it took me over ten years to get HRT because the GP kept fobbing me off and telling me I was too young. Only when my mental health was in the absolute pits and I was actively suicidal and (fortunately) unsuccessful at taking my own life did a dr listen and give me HRT. I so wish there had been the awareness and employer support back then that there is now.

And I had very few hot flushes, most of it was cognitive issues.

Come back in 5 years op.

Death is also a natural stage of life, should we not try to prevent it, or plan for it or even talk about it?

Don't worry too much I can't have her after ovaries removed due to cancerand I haven't had such dreadful thigs non stop. Beforehand the occasional hot flush and dry skin. Surgical menopause cured that

Discussing it widely and making people aware of the ramifications has already helped enormously and things are significantly better than they were 20 years ago, although there's still more to be done and every woman should have access to specialist care if she needs it.

I don't accept that it's creating a climate of fear - on the contrary, knowledge is power and although you are right that not every woman will be crippled by hot flushes and night sweats to the extent that I was, most will have will have at least some of the 64 different symptoms associated with menopause, including aching joints, insomnia, brain fog, plus loss of libido and yes the dreaded vaginal dryness, both of which can be marriage wreckers. HRT is better than it used to be but it can take time to find the best formulation for each individual and GPs need to get better at prescribing.

Companies are also becoming more switched on and are beginning to accept that it's better to make accommodations for a couple of years, if necessary, in order to retain experienced and valuable employees - I know many women who felt compelled to step back from high flying roles because they weren't fully functioning when the menopause hit.

You should feel really grateful that when your time comes you'll have all the information and support you need to make the whole transition as painless as possible and won't have to struggle on regardless in the way previous generations of women did.

Finally, I'm firmly of the opinion that we all ought to be talking a lot more about every aspect of womens' health and all the shit we have go through - it might help women to get an endometriosis diagnosis in less than the standard eight years and enable us to give birth safely without injury to us or our babies, if we made a lot more fuss than we have hitherto. I shall certainly continue to fight for womens' rights while I'm still this side of the grave and possibly from beyond it too. And if you have any sense at all you'll be right there with me!

That’ll be why then. Deffo not being mean or sarcastic!
mine stopped dead the week lockdown hit and I literally took to my bed like a consumptive Victorian. Wasn’t sure what the hell was wrong with me and blamed Lockdown at first but eventually got to the dr thinking I was going crazy but nope. Total hormone wipeout. Hits some people like that.
lookong back I can actually’see’ the peri menopause but didnt suffer like most. Just the literal thud of my hormones leaving

I'm 44 and I can't WAIT for menopause 😂

I've been menstruating since age 11 and my system has never worked right. Sometimes I menstruate twice in a month. Sometimes my periods last for the entire month! And they're always heavy and agonizingly painful, plus I get hormonal migraines!

And I live in a place where medical care is crap and if you're "healthy", you'll never convince an OBGYN to take out any of those bits or even do a tubal ligation, so any kind of surgical fix for my lifelong wonky periods was out of the question.

I'm glad we're able to talk about menopause these days. When my mother was going through menopause in the 1990s, it was still pretty taboo to talk about it. I'm also glad there are more options for medications and treatments - IIRC my mother's only option was something made from pregnant horse pee!

But yes, it does feel like there's an advertisement/mention of menopause every couple of yards these days.

I would feel differently IF my entire physical and mental existence changes through not fault of my own. Which given I am 54, seems unlikely at this point. It is your use of WHEN that I object to ie the assumption that it is going to be an extreme experience for most women.

I agree- so sick of hearing about it and it seems to have become a "thing" in the past 5-10 years. And don't get me started on so-called "peri" menopause- something that didn't exist five years ago (maybe because there's actually no such thing).

There's also quite a lot of scaremongering about the menopause too. A lot of women breeze through it. Their periods stop and thats it. Its like with menstruating - for every woman who deals with horrendous PMS and pain etc there are women who just have 3 days of bleeding and thats it
I believe the menopause movement has been valuable for raising awareness but is now part of a drive to get us to part with more of our money: specially labeled vitamins, classes, apps, foods, etc

I also think perimenopause is bullshit and is just basically "being a woman" but youre a bit older now so maybe more in tune with your body and cycles than when you were in your 20s, plus juggling more life stresses and changes.
Again, its a way to create anxiety and make us think we need to start buying loads of products to "prepare"

Perimenopause means the years leading up to the menopause and has always existed as the biology of women hasn't changed. It just wasn't talked about or admitted to. Lunatic asylums in Victorian Britain were full of women experiencing mental health issues due to perimenopause.

Oestrogen levels start to drop and fluctuate during perimenopause and for some women the symptoms can be debilitating. The symptoms are literally from a lack of oestrogen. We have oestrogen receptors all over our bodies.

Nobody yet knows why someone women suffer so badly and some not at all. There hasn't been enough research.

My work place now has menopause awareness posters on the back of every toilet door in the ladies loos with a list of symptoms that make it sounds terrifying and also that you won't be able to function at work from your 40s onward.

My male colleagues report to me that they do not have similar posters in their toilets about either female menopause or on any other male specific health concern like testicular cancer etc.

We also have a variety of quite deeply patronising stickers dotted around that are PINK of course and appear to assume midlife women are deeply moved by motivational slogans like "let's track hormones like we track calories" (uhhh, neither thanks)

I absolutely recognise that menopause and peri menopause can be hugely challenging for some people and I do think workplaces should bear it in mind but given almost our entire senior management is male, I'm not sure why the focus is on messaging to the women doing the work and not the men running the company

But surely all this information enables many women to rise above that thinking?

I've always been taken seriously in the workplace because I am serious in the workplace. And thanks to the culture of openness, I've been able to advocate for myself in getting HRT when I needed it, and have (thanks to it) pretty much sailed through and been able to continue being taken seriously in the workplace. It was women who have gone before me being brave enough to talk about it, that enabled that and I'm grateful for them.

And the reason we're being bombarded, in ways that are both good and bad, is that we we're living longer, more women are working and we're working longer, for both reasons of necessity and professional success and satisfaction, and we're seen as a group with financial clout.

Yes, very similar over here.
Clockwork and fairly fertile based on tests for most of my '40s, to being scanned on a 2 week pathway for endo cancer because of completely left-field symptoms, about 2 days after a birthday, just to add joy and happiness. 'Just' hormone armageddon.

But it's ok, because these kind of things won't have the gall to affect OP or have any financial effect whatsoever either, her job and performance will carry on exactly as she is expecting if she avoids all the tiresome talk about the M word.

I hope it's perimenopause, but surely you need to advocate for proper medical investigations and care regardless?

Women not being taken seriously about medical issues can't be blamed on people talking openly about menopause, it's a fault of the medical establishment that existed even while women still whispered about 'the change.'

Someone posted a similar ignorant thread about a month ago. Have a look OP.

She was talking shit too

Personally, I’m very glad that I know what I do about it and how it can affect women. I’m glad that people are aware of it and talking about it.
In particular I’m really glad that I know about peri and how it can affect women with pre-existing mh problems.
My mum went through about ten years of severe mood problems, suicide attempts, hospitalisations before her periods finally stopped at fifty. After that she got much better and is like a different person. She’s in her sixties now and her doctors say that perimenopause almost certainly caused a major deterioration in her mh but at the time this was not even a consideration.
I also suffer with a mood disorder. It was always affected by pmt and I had dreadful perinatal mh problems so I am very glad that at least I was somewhat prepared for the way that peri is affecting my mh.
My mum didn’t know anything about hrt until she had already gone through menopause and was suffering from severe vaginal atrophy. It was diagnosed by a doctor when she was holiday abroad and admitted to hospital because she had had recurring UTIs and was in serious pain. Her own GP at home was completely useless and used to just say “that’s the burden women have to bear”.
She had to take early / ill health retirement in her forties so she wasn’t even in the workplace to be taken less seriously. At the time it was put down to her having a mental breakdown but she told me years later that she was suffering from crazy hot flushes and flooding, severe cramps and issues with her digestive system in addition to the brain fog and mood problems, but she didn’t put those symptoms down to the same cause and was too embarrassed to talk about them.
I think on balance it is better for the women who benefit from more awareness to have people taking about it. If some women sail through it but get a bit irritated by companies trying to flog them special face cream, big deal.
The people who have those attitudes about women in the workplace are going to have them no matter what. Fuck them.
As women, we do the biological heavy lifting for the species. We shouldn’t have to pretend that things like periods, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, childbirth, breastfeeding and peri/ menopause don’t have an impact on our lives and our ability to function at times. They don’t for everyone but for many women they do.