To think he has to communicate at some point?

[PostmanNat]

2 years ago my ex left me for his best friends sister (I kind of had a gut feeling it was happening but I was so busy with the kids)

anyway, since the split he has blocked me on all avenues, I don’t know where he lives and cannot get hold of the children when they are with him. They are 5 and 8. He even refuses to come to parents evening with me.

How do you organise pick ups and drop offs?

It was so difficult. He rings me on withheld number. Initially it was through my mum but now she is also blocked.

There's not a hope in hell I'd allow contact if I didn't have the address. Do you have a court order?

No. I did ring a solicitor and legally I don’t have to know where he lives.

It seems quite unsafe for you to not be able to contact the children or know where they are when they’re with him! In the worst situation if something happened you’d have no way to get in touch or go to them. That seems tough! Can you just ignore the withheld numbers until he gives you his actual one?

Do you have a court order and CMS agreed?

You could ask court to make him disclose his address but they won't necessarily force him. Unfortunately there's probably not much you can do other than get plans in place via court.

Also - how about suggesting a co parenting app or email for communication? Then he doesn't nees to share a phone number.

Was he abusive? This does sound rather controlling

Why is he doing this though? I do have his number but I am blocked. He has completely come
off all social media it is bizarre.

Can't you force him to use an app for this? I'm american so idk how its done in the uk but over here most locales have a court app for parents to communicate, esp useful when the split was acrimonious. It helps keeps thing civil, knowing an outsider can monitor what one says has the magical effect of making even the most rotten ex behave.

I wouldn't be able to sleep not knowing where my children were, this must be terrible for you.

Are they safe with him or not?

Same question from me. As far as I know court orders make you establish a way of communicating/compel disclosure of contact details if you do a Specific Issue Order.

Yes I would say they are. He is very manipulative with me though but I just couldn’t see it at the time.

Put an apple tag hidden in their stuff when they go to him. You need to know where they are when they’re with him.you aren’t stalking him, it’s about their whereabouts.

I told him I was recording his conversation a few weeks ago and he said it was illegal. God knows what he would do if I put a tracker on them!

Right, and how would answer a woman who said "ex put air tag in dc bags" you would (or should) say thats not acceptable and is stalking.

@NewYearNewMee · Today 12:55

It seems quite unsafe for you to not be able to contact the children or know where they are when they’re with him! In the worst situation if something happened you’d have no way to get in touch or go to them.
Why unsafe? They are with an adult and if there is an issue, when they contact you to you they will let you know where they are.

@Ashkrevonif there was an issue with OP, she has no way to contact her ex to let him know, or to contact the children. It’s unusual to have zero way to get in touch in any situation where you’re handing your children to someone.

How many people would happily send their children off with zero way to contact them and no way of knowing where they are at all?

Yes it's not knowing why he sees the necessity to hide their whereabouts that would make me really concerned. It would really make me think there is something very iffy about where he is living and I would be very worried about their safety with him.
I agree with pp who suggested you explore the legal route to make him provide a contact number and disclose his address.

Yes, can you answer this OP?

It's not illegal. What's illegal is to share it without consent but it's not illegal to record, especially if you informed him (which you also don't have to do).
The behaviour is very strange, though. Can your 8-year-old have a dumb phone for emergencies?

She has, I believe. Today 12:54

You mean where she says initially via her mum?

But that's not happening now which is why I asked.

Hire a PI to follow him. At least you will know where the children are. Must be some mysterious reason he's being so secretive

You'd have a better idea of why he blocked you and your mum than we would.

What's the backstory?

I think as another suggested, I'd stop answered withheld numbers and wait to see what happens. Shame for your kids to miss out on time with their Dad but actually he's bringing it on himself.

He said I am a psycho but I’ve been led to believe that I am numerous things that I am not by him. When we were together he said don’t have any expectations from him and I will never be let down. Yes I gave him so grief as I was heartbroken but that is pretty standard