To think he has to communicate at some point?

[PostmanNat]

2 years ago my ex left me for his best friends sister (I kind of had a gut feeling it was happening but I was so busy with the kids)

anyway, since the split he has blocked me on all avenues, I don’t know where he lives and cannot get hold of the children when they are with him. They are 5 and 8. He even refuses to come to parents evening with me.

Nor me. I think there’s a lot being unsaid. 🤷‍♀️

He doesn't have to come to parents evening with you if you've split. You could take it in turns.

But I don't see how he arranged contact without having any line of communication with you? Ultimately you don't need to speak to him about anything or be friends though.

Except essential child related things. And you must have some kind of go between for that?

Tbh, if someone gave me a load of abuse via the phone, however well deserved they thought it was, I'd block them too.

And, no, it isn't 'pretty standard' either.

He may well he over-egging it but its not come completely out of nowhere, has it?

Why do you need to contact the kids when he has them?
You have a plan in place and you don't like each other, so no need for calls, just use a parenting app.
You've written that you abused him, so it's right that he has removed your access to him.

If a man had written this thread, annoyed that a woman he abused removed his access to her, he would be torn apart.

Would he consider using a court appointed app? There is no way to delete messages so everything is kept for posterity. It means both sides don't abuse/shout at each other and contact is calmer and respectful. Worth asking him OP.

The PP who said to give DD a dumb phone nailed it. 99% of the problem solved for about £10.

Obviously it would be my fault for giving the guy grief who cheated on me and walked out on his family. Then introduced the kids immediately.

And that must've been very hurtful but it doesn't give you the right to be abusive and then wonder why he's blocked you in just about every way possible.

If I do not know where my children will be, they are coming home with me.
He sounds batshit

He sounds like a man who doesn't want to be harassed on his own doorstep, as well as on the phone and social media.

Although I agree it's not ideal, this is the reason my ex wasn't allowed to know where I lived either until he learned to stop.

Yes, of course it's your fault for being abusive towards him. Control yourself!

Well they are also his children and he has as much right to them as she does. You don’t have more right just because you are female and they deserve a relationship with him too. No one blocks every method of communication (including OP’s mother) for no reason - she has been abusive, kicked off and he’s had enough. As a PP said, imagine if this was a man posting to say he’d been verbally abusive and had been blocked by the mother and was going to tag the kids, withhold them from her etc.

Doesn't matter who's fault it is. Rightly or wrongly he thinks you might give him some well deserved abuse if you know where he lives or if you can contact him so he's not risking it.

The simplest thing is give DD a dumb phone in case you need to contact them in an emergency and get on with your life. It's only 4 nights a month.

He’s probably protecting his new girlfriend from the fall-out of your relationship. He wants a clean-slate that doesn’t involve you OP. It’s hurtful but he wants to move on.

You should know where he lives though. Once the kids are older they’ll be able to tell you the address (if they can’t already), maybe not the postcode but definitely the road and area. And they’ll also have a phone one-day and you can track that.

As it is his best friend’s sister, he’s probably known her and liked her for a long time. Your kids may have already met her before they got together at events etc.. or he just didn’t feel it was too quick if he thinks this new gf is for ‘keeps!’.

He was totally in the wrong for leaving his family though. If he wasn’t 100% sure about your relationship, then he shouldn’t have had kids with you.

How long were you together?

I'm sure he's a complete arsehole OP but are these really issues.

I co-parent and I suppose I don't always know exactly where my kids are, nor does my ex. If one of us took the kids away for a day or weekend, it wouldn't be a secret but we wouldn't specifically call to let the other know. The important thing is they are safe with a parent.

No way to contact them, my kids are a similar age to yours and why would I need to contact them? If I was sick I wouldn't call them anyway as I wouldn't want them to worry. In a serious incident the police could get involved.

My ex prefers to communicate last minute or not at all, if I'm not available because of that, too bad. Recently he decided to drop our kids back early without telling me in advance, I wasn't at home when he arrived. He had to turn around and he wasted his own time.

He doesn't come to parent teacher, again his problem, now he won't know what's going at the school.

Oh pack it in!

I would block him. Or even move house.

Let him sit with that uncertainty.

I’d make him take me to court for contact and have proper communication methods written into the court order.

This makes you come across as an abuse apologist, so I’m really not the one who should ‘pack it in’.

The OP has admitted to being abusive, which is why he’s had to go to these lengths to stop her.

Yes she’s hurt he moved on quickly but that gives no-one the right to be abusive.

Exactly this.

If you’re happy to record his conversations, then you would also be happy with this suggestion. Just hide it somewhere he won’t look.

I feel like there’s a lot more to this story.

Aa you're looking him up on social media that's probably why he came off it!!!!

OMG do not do this. Stalking.

Kindly- you're never going to get answers, time to move on.
Do not track the kids, he's been clear abd it wouldn't look good. I was accused of it and Family Court wouldn't recommend it.
I would tell him on the phone next time that in one month's time you will only be using the parenting app (Our Family Wizard or AppClose). That he needs to set up and new email address and share that with you, and here is the email address for yourself and give it to him.
Then when the one month is up make sure you have signed up to the app and do not answer his calls.
All communication can be done in writing which makes you both feel safer, in an emergency- just say one of yhe kids is in your care and goes to rhe hospital- you have no way to inform him.

Both coparenting apps are free if you receive benefits, Appclose is free if you receive child benefit.

Time to have your own boundaries, protect yourself. You'll never get these answers.

Parallel parenting- he is already doing it, time for you to do it too. You don't have a coparent abd he isn't interested it making it better for the kids so just sort your side of the road.

Is the time he has then regular/ a routine? So you can plan for the future or 2)does he change it with no notice and you just have to agree? If it is two then suggest mediation and get it written into a parenting plan.

It's not okay to ever abuse anyone, even if you're hurt. Keep your side of yhe street clean. Look into BIFF communication and grey rocking. You need to start behaving like these. Asking him to put his kids first- after two years he hasn't upped him time, stop asking him fkr things and live your life.

I’m wondering if your reaction to the split could be deemed harassment? In which case he would be justified in limiting contact and personal information.

I guess in an emergency, OP could get third party/hospital to call him and leave a message saying OP will not be home at scheduled time as (insert reason) or DC has broken leg and won’t be available?

It is unusual and I wouldn’t like my DC being somewhere I didn’t know about. I would have found that out through other means though.

Won't the 8yo tell you the street name and house number?