I’m really struggling with this situation and would appreciate some outside perspective.
My mum is in her 70s and has always been very “involved” in everyone’s lives. I know she means well and thinks she’s being helpful, but she constantly gives unsolicited advice and pushes her opinions to the point where people start pulling away from her. It’s caused serious tension in the past — she was even a big factor in my uncle’s marriage breaking down.
She recently came to stay with me after the birth of my newborn, as she lives abroad and I thought it would be nice for her to spend time with her grandchildren. I genuinely wanted that bond for them.
But it’s been incredibly difficult.
She keeps telling me how to raise my 6-year-old — correcting me, undermining me, and making comments about how I’m going to damage his self-esteem. She even said that the first woman he meets in the future will “turn him against me,” which honestly really upset me.
For context, I’m a loving parent, but I do set boundaries — things like limiting sweets and addressing tantrums when they happen. My mum often ignores those rules and openly contradicts me in front of my son. Unsurprisingly, he’s started saying he prefers her because she lets him have more treats.
A few days ago things really escalated. We argued (I’ll admit I lost my temper after being pushed for so long), and later that night she drank heavily. Around 1am she woke me up shouting and swearing about me. It was honestly quite shocking and upsetting, especially with the kids in the house.
For additional context — DH has known her for over 10 years and was aware of what she’s like, as she has stayed with us before and it was a mess then too. I do feel bad for shouting at her, but I’m also 3 months postpartum, handling all the night care for the baby on my own, and I haven’t slept properly for over half a year due to pregnancy insomnia. On top of that, I have thyroid issues, so I’m already exhausted and stretched thin.
At this point, I feel like her presence is doing more harm than good — to me, to my parenting, and to the atmosphere at home.
So… AIBU for booking her a return ticket and asking her to leave early?