1st Mothers day ruined by partner

[AoifeMum87]

Last Sunday was Mother’s day and my partner doesn’t believe in mother’s day or father’s day says it’s just commercial rubbish. I asked him to please buy me a mother’s day as it was my first and would mean the world to me and my little girl is only 12 weeks old. Sunday rolled around and i waited for the card and when i realised one wasn’t coming i was hurt and upset that he had just ignored me. I told him i was very hurt that he didn’t buy me a card and he said he had forgot when i’m the shop but he could give it to me again that the specific day didn’t matter. When i told him again how much getting a card was and how he had hurt me he stated that it was just commercialised mass produced crap and to stop sulking. Am i being unreasonable i was pregnant with our daughter last father’s day and i baked for him, card and a present.

I don’t think a birthday is comparable to Mother’s Day, really.

Anyway, I’m one who doesn’t like Mother’s Day particularly. It’s a nice excuse for a meal out, that’s all I want. The forced rush-round card, flowers and kids’ drawings are nice but not really special. The ones that they come out with on random days that say best mummy or whatever are best.

I feel appreciated all year which is probably why it feels a bit contrived to do all of the Mother’s Day stuff.

What about women? I don’t do any of them I think it’s all nonsense. Luckily my male DP agrees.

I had 3 children. OH did not do this once. He helped them make things when they were old enough to know what was going on.
I had no problem with this.

I see both sides. But I understand it was important to you and he should have respected that.

FWIW Mother's Day becomes much more special and meaningful when they start Nursery and make you their very first card. I'll never forget my first and the nursery teacher wrote inside what my DC had said which was

"my mummy loves playing 'shops' with me. I love her"

(where I'd line up all the toy fruit and food and pretend it was a shop so DC could be on the checkout. I would have to push the tiniest toy trolley around 🤣 )

and to me, that was the first real Mother's Day thing and I have ever treasured it ever since! 💐

I agree. How insensitive of him 😐 you gave birth 12 weeks ago and he couldn’t be bothered to buy you a Mother’s Day card for your first Mother’s Day ! Especially when he knew how important it was for you (obviously)
I’m so sorry 😔 💐 💕

Next year OP. Take yourself off to a Church service with your DC alone and have a nice day 💐 that's what Mothering Sunday is all about and it obviously means a lot to you!

Sorry but unless the child is old enough to understand it's a bit pointless anyway.

But you told him you'd still like a small token to acknowledge it and he still couldn't be arsed.

But OP asked for a card, and her DH didn’t have the decency to say no beforehand. Her preferences are different to yours

But the card would have zero meaning if he bought for the sake of it just because you told him to

so what would the point be then

@SuperMariawell some people DO like Mother’s Day! For example I am a single mother, it’s the one day of the year where I feel appreciated. Birthdays - I could not give a shit about but if someone came on to Mumsnet and was upset their husband hadn’t got a birthday card for them from their new baby, then I’d also empathise! It’s essentially not about the card it’s about what an inconsiderate prick he is to make zero effort and invalidate her feelings (the same as many Mumsnet posters on this thread have done)!

Hello,
My story is a copy of yours, but mine happened first over 21 years ago. I kept making excuses and swallow my tears every mothers day until I started to see change in my sons behaviour gradually mirroring his fathers behaviour.

Looking back, I do wish I walked away 21 years ago to rescue my son and myself from my husband silent emotional abuse. Now I am left with immense emotional hurt that keeps growing with my sons behaviour towards me. I should have run away a long time ago to save my son from drying out, but I stayed as I believed it was better for my son to remain with both parents. When I discussed it with my son several times he said he wished I walked away with him from his father's behaviour.

They say whatever mum's do, it is always their fault.

OP, sorry you are feeling this way. He's not going to get any better about this in future years though, so you need to decide if it's the hill you want to die on.

My DH is totally anti mother's day and father's day. His family didn't celebrate them growing up and when DC1 was born he actively asked me not to buy cards or gifts for him on Father's day.

For me the relationship is otherwise great so I choose to let it go. He and DC make me feel appreciated at various points through the year and I'm quite form about celebrating my birthday.

DC are school age now so tend to make mother's day cards at school.

totally agree with this.
Lazy selfish tight and trying to pass it off as high principles, whilst also acting as a put down for you because:

1. implies unlike super intelligent him, you are too thick to realise this is just a trick to get sucked in by money grabbing commercial advertising - he of course is wise to this and therefore won't give in to them
2. He has principles and will not stoop to compromise them - you don't have high -minded like him and so have no trouble doing this
3. he is not to be swayed by silly cards or cake or other efforts, as he is an adult, and anyone who is (you) is childish.

So give that he's a person of such high and refined principles.. the following questions might be fun.

1. What do you think is worth celebrating in our lives? When do you think this should be celebrated? ( He will probably claim he does this on a daily basis lol)

2. Are you going to cancel xmas/ birthdays for your child also, because its just a commercial trick?

• despite the fact that everyone around them will be enjoying the festivities?
• Are you planning that as some kind of lesson for them?
• Are you looking forward to telling a small child that there's no such thing as Father Christmas - just people out to exploit them and make money out of their father?
• I look forward to hearing you explain to your child why they should be denied these pleasures to support your principled money saving whilst all their friends are allowed to be children and just enjoy celebrating Christmas.

3. so you've "wisely" saved your money by being super intelligent enough not to be sucked in by commercialism -

• what exactly are you going to do with all this spare cash you've saved, how will this benefit the people you've saved money on by disappointing them?
• Are you sure this cause is worth making your wife and child forego the small simple pleasures and feeling of being appreciated that every other person they know will be enjoying?

4. how many children do you think would actually give a shit about your non commercial principled approach?
5. Have you joined a cult religion?

Whilst I'd probably enjoy not getting a person like this anything for Fathers Day.. it actually means you've caved and he gets away with cancelling everything you want to do. His lazy, selfish, tight lie about the principle of the thing has won and I wouldn't give into that.

I think we do Mother's Day and Father's Day for the children.. and its no good complaining that they haven't done anything. The other parent or yourself has to give them the funds and opportunity to facilitate it, help them. Kids absolutely love a special day and treats, If he's not going to buy into mothers day etc.. he could at least give them that. I'd think of it as a theme for the day.. we teach them to celebrate special people in our life, or remember them if they've gone.. and also just to treat ourselves and have a bit of fun.

A pp described him as joyless - I think thats a fair comment.

Its absolutely fine if you both agree, no harm done.

But what if he said to you in advance, I really like this tradition and I'd really like you to do this for me ...

I'm betting you wouldn't say - Well I don't believe in it.. You'd probably find some way to celebrate him or treat him or make him feel special.

We know she is 🙄

It matters to you so it should matter to him.
I wonder if he sees whatever he spends money on in the same way eg. Premier League football as commercialised nonsense.

But the issue is that people who use the 'commercialised rubbish' excuse not to mark Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Christmas and Easter etc. are invariably also rubbish at the everyday stuff too!

Hope you’re ok. This must have felt crap. Please don’t match any energy for Fathers Day going forward, he doesn’t deserve it.

Im not! Im great at the every day stuff. I show affection for those I love all the time through actions and gifts.

This is the 2nd thread I've seen complaining about Mothers day almost a week after the event. Where have these OP's been all week?

You are not his mum and he’s not into Mother’s Day.

a card in this instance would be meaningless.

once your child is at nursery they will make you cards and gifts - that is far more important

people do get a hit silly about this (and valentines)