1st Mothers day ruined by partner

[AoifeMum87]

Last Sunday was Mother’s day and my partner doesn’t believe in mother’s day or father’s day says it’s just commercial rubbish. I asked him to please buy me a mother’s day as it was my first and would mean the world to me and my little girl is only 12 weeks old. Sunday rolled around and i waited for the card and when i realised one wasn’t coming i was hurt and upset that he had just ignored me. I told him i was very hurt that he didn’t buy me a card and he said he had forgot when i’m the shop but he could give it to me again that the specific day didn’t matter. When i told him again how much getting a card was and how he had hurt me he stated that it was just commercialised mass produced crap and to stop sulking. Am i being unreasonable i was pregnant with our daughter last father’s day and i baked for him, card and a present.

If it’s important to you then he should make an effort. Lazy stinge bag.

Tbh, sounds like he wouldn’t care. He seems to not believe in these sort of celebratory days, so I’m guessing he won’t care whether OP celebrates it or not.

Being a mum is an honour not given to everyone and noone should need to be thanked. It's a lot of rubbish. Just be grateful you have a child. They owe you nothing and have nothing to thank them for. The thanks should be going from you to them not the other way around.

She's upset because she's realised that she's married to a mean arsehole who simply couldn't be bothered to do the one very small thing that his post partum wife, who is still in the midst of dealing with the broken sleep and hormonal turmoil experienced by all new mothers, asked of him. And she probably now realises, if she didn't before, that she has lumbered herself with a selfish, lazy man who is also likely to be crap in all sorts of other areas too.

How is he going to treat his daughter on her special occasions with that viewpoint. He sounds incredibly selfish. .

Oh, he'll care alright. It always amazes me how these men who think all life's little celebrations are 'commercialised rubbish' view thin@gs quite differently when it comes to their special days!

OP I agree with all the others here that your partner is a bit rubbish. But just to let you know that even if he had got you a card, it will not compare to the card you get that your DC has made themselves and the first time they send you a card where they’ve written it all themselves. That will mean so much more than any card given my a partner. Something for you to look forward to!

I feel the same. I also think it’s commercialised and my husband didn’t do anything for Mother’s Day on behalf of my kids. But even if it meant something to me and my DH felt otherwise I wouldn’t want a card off him, because a) I’m not his mum, and b) his choosing and signing a card that he doesn’t believe in is a waste of time and money. People attach so much importance to superficial one-off gestures - the everyday stuff is far
more important.

I agrre with him, sorry. It is commercial rubbish. When your dc is older and makes you something themselves then that will earn so much more, even though it will be dictated by society as something that should be done. Your dc has no knowledge of the day presently, the card won't really be from them.
One day, even more important than mother's day, they will hand you a drawing or similar that they've drawn for you and that will be so much more special and individual and come from the heart. Let it go. It really isn't that significant.

It's not commercial. Mother's day in the UK is a really old tradition. The kids used to bake cakes and pick flowers for their mum's to show how grateful they were. I think it was also tied to early Christianity somehow but I can't remember, will have to look it up.

He should have done more to show his appreciation for all you've done for your baby imo

Sorry op. I wish he’d done it differently. I got a card and flowers. Deep down I know my partner thinks it commercialised rubbish but he squashed those feelings knowing it mattered to me.

He knew a card would make you really happy, and it would have been negligible cost and effort, but despite that couldn't be bothered. What does that say about him as a person? Does he disregard your feelings in other ways?

My DH feels this way about Valentines but I don’t and I told him years ago that I expected a card so he gets me one. Usually a ridiculous one from Thortful with Trump or Putin on the front but that’s fine!

You have to do things you don’t necessarily like or agree with sometimes to make the person you love happy. It wouldn’t kill him to buy you a Mother’s Day card and bunch of flowers.

It is commercialized nonsense bit still, I was a bit upset when my son didn't get me a card. On holidays like this it makes you feel a little vulnerable and to not even get a card can make you sad

This. Until a child is old enough to make or buy their own card, it’s totally pointless.

He doesn’t want to and stated his views clearly. He also doesn’t care that it matters to you. His feelings trump yours.
Going forward don’t do anything for him on Father’s Day as it will make you feel worse when it’s not reciprocated. You could help dc when they are older if they want to.
Make Mother’s Day about you and your dc do something nice together or do a picture/ card together (when she can) so you have nice memories together.

Why would anyone feel vulnerable over this?

Mothers Day is about the relationship between child and mother, not partner and mother. I'm with your DH. It has become a ridiculously commercialised thing.

It only even begins to have meaning when the child is old enough to understand the idea of making a present/card for their mum. At that stage, there is some obligation on the partner to help the child to remember and to give. Not before.

Until a few years ago, no-one would have thought of a partner having to acknowledge Mothers Day on behalf of a tiny baby. You are just creating a spurious source of resentment for both yourself and your partner.

The male apologists are out in force on this thread .

OP, it's crap behaviour and it isn't something you have to tolerate. You can be petty and make him miss out on fathers day or you can celebrate it if you choose to. But you need to be very clear to him that if something's important to you, he needs to recognise that and respect it. That's what being in a relationship and being part of a family means.

I don't think that it matters that it's commercialised bullshit. It's commercialised bullshit that matters to you. He chose to ignore that it matters to you and prioritise his stance on it knowing you'd be hurt. That's a lack of care. Doing something wasn't going to hurt him but not doing something hurt you. Realistically, mo one really cares about the shit, by shut I mean the mug, socks, key ring, flowers, it's the thought and hand made cards that are special. He could have got you a nice card, done DC hand prints in it and their age. Those things are special.

YANBU for wanting a card but YABU for giving him a Father’s Day card and present before the baby was born.

I agree. It’s not just about the card or flowers it’s about whether he thinks enough about your feelings to put his preferences to one side and think about yours. Doesn’t bode well for the future.

I see both points here. Congratulations on becoming a mother but your baby is 12 weeks and until they make a card etc it's Abit pointless. No idea why you did father's day from an unborn child but that's your choice. Wait a couple of years until your child is old enough to do something that really means it. What's he like on birthdays as if similar huge red flag

It's a bit like a birthday, you want to have a nice day and when it doesn't go well it's hurtful

His opinion of Mother's Day is not relevant. You told him that it was important to you and he should have bought you something to show he cared about you. It is a sign that he thinks his feelings are more important than yours because he chose to ignore your wishes.

Do not buy him any cards this year. See how he feels. Don't make any fuss for his birthday.