1st Mothers day ruined by partner

[AoifeMum87]

Last Sunday was Mother’s day and my partner doesn’t believe in mother’s day or father’s day says it’s just commercial rubbish. I asked him to please buy me a mother’s day as it was my first and would mean the world to me and my little girl is only 12 weeks old. Sunday rolled around and i waited for the card and when i realised one wasn’t coming i was hurt and upset that he had just ignored me. I told him i was very hurt that he didn’t buy me a card and he said he had forgot when i’m the shop but he could give it to me again that the specific day didn’t matter. When i told him again how much getting a card was and how he had hurt me he stated that it was just commercialised mass produced crap and to stop sulking. Am i being unreasonable i was pregnant with our daughter last father’s day and i baked for him, card and a present.

I see both sides, it IS commercialised rubbish (as is Valentine’s Day), but you don’t have to buy stuff. We do breakfast in bed or go out for lunch type stuff - DDs made homemade cards.
Showing you’re appreciated is the important thing not buying stuff

My ex didn't get me anything for mother's day when our son was small and didn't help him make a card. The next father's day I got him nothing and he was upset and said he understood how I felt. It didn't change his behaviour though. He was always causing arguments and walked in and out of our lives so I spent many Christmases and birthdays with no gifts. Even though we will have made up by that point. It made me really upset

Pointing out the blindingly obvious (haven't rtft). You are not your DHs mother. I happen to agree with him about the commercial blah about xyz day.

Ffs.

What’s usually occurring with a 12 week old baby? Sleepless nights, round the clock care & attention, mother pushed to the brink of exhaustion while trying to keep on top of everything else she likely does (especially now she is “off work”).

How do many women feel around this time? Overwhelmed, resentful of their partner, knackered, under appreciated.

And here comes Mother’s Day, the perfect opportunity for your partner to thank you for all you are doing for their baby. To acknowledge your new role and celebrate you.

Nah, he’d rather jabber on about commercialism instead. What an almighty let down.

I don’t know - if someone is a veggie because they don’t want animals harmed do you ask them to cook a roast if you want one? He thinks it’s commercial (and it is) - but he could have done something else like made a card with a photo of your baby if that would have made you happy.

But surely the best response to all those challenges is focussing on an equitable share of all the tasks and worry. Not introducing a sideshow battle about greetings cards which is just making both adults feel small-minded and resentful. It is also setting up a dynamic for the years ahead in which the child, and the child's own loving gestures to its mum, will just be the battleground for parental squabbles.

'Pick your battles' is one of the most useful mantras of family life with small children. How about picking the ones that actually enrich the child's life, rather than making cash for Tesco et al.?

Agree with the above to an extent but our family don't do any of these either, never have done not tight or lazy we agree we just don't agree with the commercial shite side of it.
Apart from that so what? Everyone is different in their opnions. I could say that some people need to grow up when they get upset about certain things on here like birthdays but I don't.

i can understand the feeling that Mothers day (and other celebration days ) have become commercialised and objecting to that. I cant understand not giving a card (make one if you really begrudge a couple of pounds) when you know its important to your loved one. Is the issue mothers day alone or does he generally not care about your thoughts and feelings? If you are disapointed or upset about something does he gaslight you by saying you are sulking?

So he doesn't care at all about your thoughts and feelings, his come before yours. Take a close look at your relationship, I would bet money that there are other signs of this in your relationship and his needs will come first about yours and your child's. Try couples counselling, or leave.

If spending £1.50 on a card with “thank you for being the best mum to X” written in it would have made her partner resentful then he’s an arsehole.

Why is the bar so frighteningly low? If I told my DH I wanted a card every day for the rest of my life he’d buy the bloody cards.

It’s a bit crap but that is the bigger picture here? Is he shit on all occasions? Or does he do well at birthdays, anniversaries etc but just doesn’t go for mothers and Father’s Day?

That isn’t the same thing. Plus she says he said he forgot to get one, and then ignored her before telling her to stop sulking and came up with the commercialised thing. He was clearly using it as an excuse to be shit. If he was genuinely against it then he could have discussed that with her in advance rather than just ignoring her and making her feel shit for it.

Yes it is disappointing that he did not value something that you care about- so certainly have a conversation with him about that. Though I personally find it odd that you have to ask someone to get you a card for Mother's day. A forced celebration is not really a genuine one. On the other hand, your partner has made it very clear that he doesn't care about such days, so why did you go over the top last Father's day, before the baby was even born? That already sets unrealistic expectations for yourself.

Technically, unless you follow a religion or some way of life where it fits in, all holidays are commercial rubbish. But that doesn't mean people can't take part and just enjoy them.

Sure, you can get gifts like that any day of the year. So why not on the one day that would make his partner, the mother of his child, happy?

I wouldn't buy him anything for any kind of holiday in future. If he questions it, tell him you thought he believes it's commercial rubbish. When he tells you Christmas isn't (provided he isn't devoutly religious), ask him why he celebrates it and what makes it so important to him. If he says something along the lines of "taking part" or "the joy of giving" you can then point out that those things mean the same for you on Mother's Day.

I assume he bakes his own bread, farms his own vegetables, doesn't have a car, doesn't watch TV, doesn't buy or use technology or cosmetics, as he's so against commercial things?
Or is it just commercialised holidays where he's expected to think of other people that he's so principled about?

I cannot see the point of asking a grown man to send you a card as if it were from a tiny baby!

Firstly it makes no sense at all and secondly it will have no meaning as done under duress.

There will come a time when your child will send you a card or make a present themselves - just be patient.

Sorry but been there and got the tshirt! This man is a self centred prick and won’t change! Forget about all these dream family moments, he’s shown who he truly is - a complete self centred wanker!

Mother’s Day is sheer commercial greed.
The correct term for last Sunday is ‘mothering Sunday’..it’s a celebration of mother churches, especially the church you were baptized in.
Which church was your child baptized in? Did you go to church last Sunday? Or did you want a bunch of forecourt specials that will have wilted in rancid water by Wednesday?

@Mischancegod, give over! Any man with a brain cell would buy a Mother’s Day card for their partner who carried a child for nine months and went through the trauma of birth twelve weeks prior!

OP, there is absolutely no point in having a card if you have to beg and plead for it! Gifts must be freely given to have any meaning. Just wait a few years and your child will be making you lovely cards at nursery school.

Who said he has to pretend it’s from the baby? He could say happy Mother’s Day, you are doing great, I love you, from DH. Plus he didn’t bother communicating with her before hand that he didn’t ’believe’ in it. Just allowed her to feel shit without communicating with her and then told her to stop sulking. Some of you must really enjoy being in shit relationships to think this is a normal way to
treat the person you love.

Everything I hate about Mumsnet in one thread! Those insensitive, goady little trolls making you seem unreasonable for wanting a card on your first mothet’s day! Ignore the haters their full time job is to sit on Mumsnet and be an arse. You’re not being unreasonable!

@ToKittyornottoKittytotally! Some utter twats on this thread! Bet they’re the first ones to throw toys out of pram when they don’t get a birthday card or just sit on the internet all day trying to get a rise out of people because their lives are so dull and boring!

@changedusernameforthis1👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Very convenient for him that “thinks it’s all commercialised nonsense”.

He could easily make you feel special without spending money on targeted Mother’s Day stuff. He could make you a card, cook you lunch, bake you a cake etc

Always does seem to be men who have an oh-so-principled objection to these days. Probably because they are considered and thought of all year round. They don’t “feel the need of a day” because they’re treated well all way round.

Some of them seem to have an aversion to making their partners feel special.