All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

I you are saying a man shouldn't worry if he is being followed. Would you say this to a woman? Didn't think so.

You so eloquently explain what is making me so angry!
The man’s feelings - which would be even more ridiculous and irrational on this logic, becuase how many women actually carry knives and anyway my dear old aunt Margaret is lovely so how DARE you accuse women like that - are more important than the women’s. And instead of asking themselves why they think like this, other women are attacking another woman for what… exactly? Not being a perfect robot? Having primal instincts and possibly past trauma.
its misogyny at its finest. They don’t even need to do anything. Were doing it to each other for them.

The poster I'm responding to has said with some confidence and repeatedly that the man would have been frightened by the OP. While it's remotely possible he might, it's extremely unlikely.
There is no evidence to suggest men are at risk from strange women in the woods with knives and so no reason to argue so stridently this man would have thought otherwise.
Conversely, there is much evidence that men pose a risk to women so its not unreasonable women may fear them.
To try and flip a situation and pretend that a man would respond to a woman in the same way as vice versa is all just a bit silly really.
Its quite possible to state this man did nothing wrong without over egging the pudding.

Absolutely, yes! You've got it! In all of my subtle posts above, my key point is, indeed, that no man should ever worry about being followed - he'd be a coward to behave that way and no longer worthy of the noble name of Man. In fact, I don't believe in any male ever taking steps to keep himself safe, and am firmly of the opinion that all women, everywhere, are angelic beings who can do no wrong.

Alternatively...

Please argue with what I'm saying instead of utterly absurd strawmen. I've been very clear throughout that strawmen like yours quoted above are precisely what concerns me on this thread - and what exposes many posters as, at best, avoiding some of the complexity of this issue.

Goodness knows, I use a lot of words 😅 - now use them back at me to address what I'm actually saying!

Admittedly I haven't read all 27 pages of this thread but I think the OP is being very unreasonable. Fair point that everyone should be aware of their behaviour on other people and that men should take into account that women might feel vulnerable when alone in isolated places. But in this particular instance the OP behaved oddly by turning round and beginning to follow the man. He may well have been slightly nervous himself! His only crime seems to be that he had long hair!

He probably looked over his shoulder bc he thought it was odd/ threatening that you’d suddenly started following him and he wanted to keep himself safe too. You may have had MH issues for all he knew. Suddenly being followed by someone walking in the opposite direction is odd behaviour to be fair to him

I agree that men should be aware that women have legitimate fears, so they need to adjust their behaviour in some circumstances.

However this immediately sprang to mind. Just like the OP, men can have triggers.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-55085677

You passed a man on the way into the woods. You doubled back so that you were now following him. You were only a few feet away, so he heard you behind him and he stopped to fiddle with his bag to give you time to get some distance and avoid walking in lockstep with him. All men should indeed show such consideration.

I seriously worry about a few women on here.
Rather than having a go at other women some of you need to wise up a bit.

I hope OP doesn't mind the below. Not to make light of what, for her, was clearly a genuinely unsettling experience for whatever reason... but the evolving image this thread is creating of extraordinarily high-stakes rambling, filled with barely-disguised panic and high-stakes sexual politics, is pleasingly ridiculous.

Sorry it's come to this, OP. I honestly thought responses would be a simple,

Poor you for feeling that way - many women have experienced similar. But honestly, from what you say, this poor guy was probably perfectly innocent. Sometimes it's hard for men to know what's best! Certainly, though, you're right that a good start is building awareness.

(And, perhaps, to cover all bases in case someone gets angry and assumes the opposite: *Disclaimer: I also recognise men can feel vulnerable, too.)

Silly me, huh?

Any decent woman would not have acted the way the OP did

I would certainly tell a man who 'panicked' at a woman walking behind him in the woods that he was worrying unnecessarily, yes. I would kindly point out the relevent stats to demonstrate he was not at any appreciable risk. I'd also reassure him that he would be highly likely able to overpower or outrun her if she did prove dangerous.
Obviously I wouldn't say the same things to a woman, because it would not be true.

This is getting beyond parody!

I'd Chat GPT that one, too (I'm thinking a furious, heads-down CHARGE!!! at the man, perhaps with joust-like hiking stick held dangerously aloft?)... but think my own slip into rather hypocritical ridicule of the extraordinary turn this has all taken shows it's time for me to go.

Look after yourself, OP. Posters are right that odds are, women are fine in the kind of situation you describe. But rest assured that many of us here respect your (and, quite incredibly, also men's) right to gauge how safe you feel and act accordingly. And recognise that, for women, an experience like this, whether rightly or wrongly judged, can have a lasting effect. Try not to let it. :)

What this conversation might be is healing for anyone who was blamed for their abuse. Why did you comply, why didn’t you get to safety, why did you go there etc.
even if you do the ‘right’ things, you will still be blamed and the man will be put first. It is not you. It is endemic. And the responses in this thread are why women are silenced, ignore their red flags and end up with dicks - and then are criticised for not choosing right.
you cannot fucking win

It does sound like he was creeped out by a strange woman following him and he stopped and pretended to look in his backpack to avoid confrontation.
Obviously men don't have the same concerns as women in this situation but it doesn't mean they have no concerns at all. He might have thought he was going to vet an unwelcome proposition or that the OP was a looney who picked him for a rant!

And if she has a knife and stabs him whilst he's bending down and has his back to her? Or if she picks up a big thick branch and smashes him over the head with it?

Remember that she's already acted very oddly by suddenly changing direction and following close behind him - this is a suspicious thing for anybody to do, man or woman.

Although based purely on biology, it's usually the other way around, it's ridiculous to say that men can never be at risk from women who have a weapon or take them unawares. Yes, he's probably stronger than her normally; but likely not so much once he has a knife hanging out of his back or concussion from a rock.

That old chestnut.
Men are at greater risk of violent crime because they are far more likely to be involved in criminal activities and also because men are far more likely to get into fights when drinking every weekend up and down the country. A man out walking alone at night is less likely to be attacked than a woman doing the same thing.

This thread is so bizarre.

What actually happened: Woman saw a man in the woods and felt unsafe, even though he was doing nothing obviously creepy. She left the woods.

That's all that happened. No one is wrong or bad in this situation. The man may or may not have been a creep - no way of knowing for sure, but he gave the OP a bad vibe, so she left the area. Fine.

Where it all gets a bit mad is OP declaring that men need to know about this and change their behaviour. But the man's behaviour was fine. It may even have been intended as respectful and giving space to the OP - that's how I read it. But either way, it was normal behaviour and there's nothing men can do about that.

I don't think it's gaslighting or victim blaming to say that there's nothing to see here. I don't think men in general can do anything about the fact that some women are anxious about seeing men in public. That is a horrible situation for OP to be in, but it's not actually that man's fault and ultimately, he wasn't waiting for OP so he could pounce on her or harass her, so we can assume that all is well.

Looks like he was by you.

OP says she didn't turn around immediately in one of her comments, but was a few feet away when he stopped. In other words she was catching him up rather than keeping a 'safe' distance. Then instead of backing away when the man stopped, chose to carry on walking past the man who made her feel so uneasy and proceeded with her back to him. Reacting to a rational fear, by acting so irrationally makes no sense. Any half rational man witnessing that behaviour would presume the OP had no problem with him being in her proximity, so why would they alter their actions. Insisting on maintaining a sensible distance would have sent the message that the OP was nervous and the man could have acted accordingly. Give the guy a chance to act sympathetically.

Nobody is “blaming” op. They’re bemused that she’s asking why men don’t know better than to behave like this, when the bloke’s behaviour was absolutely normal, and her own was a bit irrational.
That’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️

You clearly have a very vivid imagination and are prepared to suspend all knowledge of likelihood to consider the most far fetched scenario. As such I'm sure you'd be first in line to empathise with the OP.
I'm sure you can think of all sorts of equally terrible fates that could have befallen her at his hands too, so will understand perfectly why she felt uncomfortable.

The man did nothing.wrong The women took offense to nothing then acted irrationally. The only way to prevent this is for the Man not to be there which is very unfair to a man who did nothing wrong and caused no threats. The OP is actually victim blaming the man. OP needs to wise up