Fuming after DIL’s sister calling my grandson dirty after spill?

[LovingTraybake]

My grandson, 12, is off school for teacher training day today so he’s with us as his parents are at work. We’d already arranged to see my son and daughter in law so we took him with us. DIL’s sister was there too. It was just a normal get together and nothing happened until my son was joking with my grandson and he burst out laughing whilst having a drink. The squash went all over the sofa, coffee table and floor so I got some toilet roll and cleaned it up with the help of DIL. Nothing else happened until I heard DIL’s sister calling him a ‘dirty boy’ and how disgusting he is for spitting on the floor and saying he should have a smack. DIL just said ‘oh it’s no bother, it was an accident’. I was absolutely seething and ended up telling her not to ever talk about my grandson that way ever again. It did cause a slight atmosphere but I don’t care and I’m not having someone talking about my family like that.

DH thinks I should have just left it as it may have caused a rift in the family but I just think how can a little boy accidentally spitting a squash drink through an involuntarily reaction cause a rift? And it was quickly cleaned up! I’m still fuming!
AIBU for thinking it was terrible from her and not want to speak to her for while?

I think you were right. I'd be fuming if anyone spoke that way to my child and I'd be happy to learn that an adult stood up for him.

Do you have to speak to her often? She’s another guest at your son’s house. I would leave it to them, to be honest. Your job is to reassure your your grandson that it’s ok, and perhaps remind your son not to wind up children while they are drinking! Still it’s his nephew, carpet and sofa I suppose.

@PrizedPickledPopcorn Yes she’s regularly at family get togethers including at my son’s

Sounds like a fuss over nothing. Worthy of an eye roll perhaps but I think "fuming" is a bit strong. I can't imagine a 12 year old being terribly upset by being called "a dirty boy".

The only person who has a right to be annoyed is the person who owns the stuff. And even then, it's up to the adults looking after the child. I once was annoyed that a friend brought round her child (without asking us) and he destroyed some wedding presents, but I blamed her for not watching him, or at least asking if he could come so I'd know to move stuff out of his way. I'd never have shouted at the kid!

Assuming the 12 year old who spit it all over the furniture was cleaning it up too? Not just you and your DIL?

It’s stupid behaviour, so stupid boy is a better description.

What stands out for me is 'he should have a smack'. Assuming smacking doesn't happen in your family, I'd have said 'We don't hold with physical violence towards children in our family'.

Wow, involuntarily spitting out your drink because someone made you laugh is 'stupid'.

I imagine you of course have 100% control over your body at all times and obviously have NEVER laughed in your life.

Involuntarily laughing and spilling a drink does not make someone a “stupid boy”.

We absolutely do NOT have smacking in my family.

Laugh all the time. Never managed to spit drinks out all over other people’s furniture at 12 years old

I think the place was for your Dil to address it with her sister, and allow for her to choose to do that in the moment or later on without the public dressing down that will make future events awkward.

The only ‘fuming’ would be at the two males that caused the incident who let two females do the cleaning up. Your son should have leapt up immediately to get the cleaning stuff and got your grandson to help. I would have just given the sister a quizzical look and left it at that, you and the others know it was a barmy comment.

Ridiculous overreaction from her.

As an aside, he's 12 and should've cleaned it up himself instead of the women running round doing it.

Both of you were unreasonable. Your DIL must have felt like she was watching an episode of Eastenders.

Do you mean kitchen roll OP? Wouldn’t toilet roll have shredded everywhere and made more mess? I thought you were going to say he was two or three not 12! I’d have been fuming that he’d spat squash everywhere but I wouldn’t have commented, I’d have just made sure all the sticky shit was wiped up properly after you’d all left.

Did you not have anything better than toilet paper to clean it up with? That's dirty imo.

This! You made a right scene for no reason, obviously everyone already knew the sister was talking shit and you probably made DIL feel undermined by riding in to the rescue when she’d already answered her as she saw fit, with all your my family, my grandson talk.

He blurted out his drink whilst laughing, at his Dad by the sounds of things, and the dil moved quickly to avoid any staining. A lot of fuss over nothing from everyone involved, including posters here who are outraged by nothing.

Jeez oh. I think times have changed since you were young a verbal abuse isn't what we do anymore. You probably condone the use of the dunce cap too

Your son is an idiot for trying to joke and get his nephew to laugh when he had a mouthful of squash. He should have jumped up and cleaned it up while apologising to his wife for causing the mess.

The rest is just misplaced dramatics that should have been irritation aimed at your son for not having common sense.

I think spitting drinks everywhere because you’re laughing is disgusting im afraid, and it becomes distinctly unfunny past age 6.

Gosh, how do you cope with all the mnetters who are supposedly spitting their tea out at every minor amusement?

Surely you could have found something better than toilet roll to clean up with! It disintegrates very quickly when wet, by design.

They’re not just your family though, it’s his auntie. Maybe they smack in their family 🤷‍♀️