My nearly 4 year old doesn’t want to do nursery activities like dancing

[aidontknow]

they had a Christmas play and he just stood there, picking his nose and putting his hands down his trousers at the back.

we had a Mother’s Day thing and he just sat there, refusing to sing or participate.

I have now been sent a video of them doing head, shoulders knees and toes and he’s just sitting there - then lies down at some point.

Is this normal ??

he’s bright and chatty and seems to have friends etc. nursery don’t have major concerns about him really, but I just think it’s a bit sad or are some kids just like this ?

Some kids are just like this, however all the kids I know who are just like this have gone on to be diagnosed with autism including my eldest

Very normal.

Remember...he's 3... Three.

He used to be take part when he was younger - 2 and 2 and a half.

How many kids are in your sample...?

I sat through dozens of nurseries and primary school performances.... It's really normal for kids to not always be engaged or interested in the show.

Some kids don’t like to perform. Just the same as adults! We don’t treat adults the same, I don’t understand why there’s an expectation for kids to be the same. Don’t worry, performing just might not be his thing.

My son is like this, also autistic

Yeah fairly normal at this point.

even in reception there’s always a few that don’t want to do stuff so are narrators or backstage for the nativity.

my DS was offered a big speaking part and says he didn’t want to do it he wanted to be the donkey. So he was

He probably bored.

Does he play with other children? Does he play? Is he imaginative? Chatty? Happy?

Yeah also he didn’t want to dress up for world book day this year as he said that everyone will laugh at him. I did pack his costume and he did dress up once he saw everyone was dressed up. Last year he was really happy to wear his costume.

Why would a THREE YEAR OLD be thinking other people would be laughing at him?

Most 3 year olds are fairly oblivious to others and their opinions...

'...then lies down at some point'

😄😄😄😄

Bless him, I'm sure its just a phase

My oldest ds was like this and is now diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 15

Lots of children don’t do well when demands are put upon them such as ‘perform’ or when picked out of a group to answer a question, routine expectations and when asked direct questions or instructions. It raises anxiety and can cause them to freeze and sometimes do the opposite ODD. This is my experience when working with neurodivergent children.

My eldest was like this. He is now in his 20s and absolutely fine. Grew out of it at about 5.

Yep plenty of kids don't dance that's definitely true. But the ones who seem oblivious to instructions, lie down mid dance, put hands down heir trousers by 4, so not 2 or 3 year olds and my sample size isn't huge, it's my choldrens' nursery classes, 40 per class and school classes, 30 per year and my nieces and nephews. Also attended lots of playgroups and whatnot when they were toddlers and observed there. My son is chatty, sociable, bright but undoubtedly autistic and ADHD and it wasn't until this year. Aged 8, that he can take part in such things. As I say plenty of kids don't dance but there's a very specific story op tells of hands down trousers. Uninterested and lying down which is different

He’s so chatty and yes he plays with other kids. He’s observant and very curious and comes out with stuff you wouldn’t quite expect from a child his age sometimes. He asks questions all the time- constantly wants to know why and how things work. He’s really into how things work, the cause and effect of things.

my older daughter is nothing like this. She’s much more creative and thinks about unicorns/ fairies. She loves performing and things like that. He likes dancing at home.

My son has always been like this - hates performing. No autism. Some people just don’t enjoy it!

his teachers say he does take part in class activities. So that’s good. He likes to share a lot and talks a lot. He talks sooo much.

@Thesnailonthewhalei really don’t know. He gets embarrassed sometimes and blushes !

My DD is autistic and always joined in with singing etc, was chatty and played with other kids 😁 I think all kids are different and this doesn't mean anything in its own

My son hated the singing. So I got agreement from nursery that he could do coloring while the others were singing.
He was diagnosed autistic in his teens. However he now loves music and played clarinet for many years quite happily.

My son hates anything like the Christmas play etc
it just really not his cup of tea and tbh I don't blame him.
he sat through them for 2 year then the school and myself decided to let him sit them out unless he wanted to do them

Mine too.

The Christmas play is definitely very normal! Sounds like he has become more self conscious and aware of his audience than when he was two. I work in reception classes sometimes and there are always a few not really joining in with singing etc, even in the classroom.

It sounds like he's absolutely fine. My son is 8 and now will absolutely take part in shows and performances, just took a bit longer. By absolutely fine I don't mean neurotypical or neurodivergent just that either way it sounds like he's doing grand