To be concerned about 22yo Dd solo travelling Mexico for 2 months.

[Maggiethecat]

Dd has a Mexican friend who lives there and will stay with them for 2 weeks in Guadalajara and the rest of time on her own in places like Mexico City, Oaxaca

She booked before the recent El Mencho unrest which I understand has calmed down a bit and her travel insurance, based on FCDO position at the moment, covers her for where she’s going.

We have discussed with her risks and risk mitigation but do feel that I will be anxious for the whole time she’s away.

Am I reasonable to be very concerned?

I worry when mine go to the shops.

Yes I would be too.

You will get loads of cool mums coming on to tell you she's an adult, but I think your feelings are normal.

Whilst I think your feelings are normal and of course you’ll worry about her the whole time, you’ve got to let her do it. In my mind the positives of travelling, meeting new people, experiencing and exploring new things outweigh the negatives. Anywhere in the world is dangerous if you look closely enough into it. But I understand as a mum how worried you’ll be 🫶

You’re not being unreasonable to worry. You would be unreasonable to put your worries on her or try and dissuade her.

The chances of anything happening are small, especially for the period when she’s with local friends. When I was the same age, I did a trip around Central/South America and we chose to start in Mexico to ease us in gently.

Thank you

@Rainbowdottie - I know all of what you say is true but selfishly I cannot bear think what those 2 months of anxiety will be like for me.

Yes, everywhere has its dangers but Mexico is in turmoil at the moment and so more dangerous than a lot of other places (ruling out the Middle East). And unless Trump shifts position, it's very likely to get very much worse.

I know, I feel for you 🫶

Mexico is great. I didn’t feel unsafe there at all (although this was not recent).

You’re not unreasonable to feel that but you would he unreasonable to voice it to her.

I wouldn't like it, I have a fear of people solo travelling anything could happen and I don't think it is "character building " or whatever, I think she is being silly and not risk assessing,

Very reasonable and normal to be concerned. That’s part of being a parent.

But all you can do is advise

Dh has been talking about kidnappings etc and this is all adding to the stress although I suspect that these are mostly drug related.

Solo travelling is not being silly. Yes, amything could happen but are you going to stop everyone leaving the house? Anything could happen anywhere. Maybe she has risk assessed and decided that for her, the rosk is worth it. That’s what rosk assessment is - it isn’t assessing for rosk and not doing it if there is any. It’s weighing up the likelihood of the risk and deciding if it’s still worth doing on that basis.
Granted, I probs wouldn’t choose Mexico myself at the moment as Trump is rattling his sabre about it, but solo travelling itself is brilliant. It’s not mean to be character building. It’s meant to be fun.

@Maggiethecat as others have said worry is natural. I worried when my DD tracked in Peru. What would be unreasonable is trying to stop her. It’s reasonable to be interested in her trip though, and talk through her contingency planning with her.

There was a particularly nasty incident a year or 2 ago involving 2 young Australian men. They were in a reasonably touristy part. I won't link it because it'll probably make your anxiety a lot worse.

I'm not risk averse and do a good job of keeping my parent-related fretting under control - I have a child in the military - but independent travel in Mexico right now? I'd worry a lot.

ETA: and I've been to Mexico (not Cancun!) myself.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice - I remember that.

@cardibach I do think being risk averse is irresponsible, but that is obviously a me issue as I said Solo travelling is something that young women (and men for balance) need to think about carefully.

Be as concerned as you want, but the fact remains that she's a grown woman and she can do whatever she likes.

I have no advice on how to manage your anxiety - other than to point out that the chances of her coming to any harm at all are very, very low - but what I will say is don't let your anxiety impact on your daughter or her trip. Your anxiety shouldn't stop her from doing whatever she wants to, and it also shouldn't mean that she has to keep reassuring you while she's away. Don't be the mother who texts and calls all the time and wants to know what she's doing every minute of the day; it's suffocating.

Your fear is your problem, though.

It shouldn't restrict or influence other people who have a more proportionate and rational approach.

One parent is trying to stop her, the other is saying have a clear plan and don’t take silly risks.

As the time draws near, less than 2 weeks, things are likely to become quite testing!

I don't think you're being unreasonable to worry! But there are a few things to thing about.

Firstly, things feel quite different being in a country to hearing about it from afar. Secondly, you can't tell her not to go - she has to decide for herself what risks she wants to take. Thirdly, if you make a huge fuss about it, depending on what she's like she might feel she CAN'T change her mind because she'll prove you right. I suggest you try to be generally encouraging, let her know you will worry and she must check in at certain agreed times, and make sure she knows that if she wants to sack it off and come home at any point nobody will think any less of her.

To be fair yes it is my issue,you are right.

In m experience of my young adults travelling alone (not Mexico ) but SE Asia for 6 months, the run up to them leaving is stressful. Once they had left and arrived safely, I felt way less anxious about it and enjoyed seeing the odd photo they sent home ! She will have a great time, have lots of adventures and come back more confident and grown up.

I hope so @Tiggy321

I’m sorry but the government have actively advised against all but essential travel to Mexico for people from the UK. Even tourists going to obviously ‘touristy’ areas like Cancun and Tulum are being told to exercise caution! No way would any child of mine be going. This is from someone who regularly visited family in NI during The Troubles and is fairly reasonable and risk averse to just using common sense re travel or life experiences. There are just too many risks for an experience I really don’t think will be THAT enriching!

The FCDO site indicates the advised against areas.

However, I am mindful that this can change especially when going for so long.

Read the foreign office advice if you haven’t already, it’s madness for a young girl to travel there alone at this time if it’s as risky as they say. There are plenty of other safer places to travel to as a lone female, why risk it? I would work on your husband if I were you, if he stops supporting her plans she may have a rethink.