To think male posters get a hard time on MN?

[Fancycrab]

Just an observation. Whenever there’s a comment on a thread or a thread started by a man it seems to be viewed with suspicion or the poster gets a hard time/is always disagreed with etc. It seems some MNers are pretty hostile towards men on the site. Made me wonder, what do you think of men who post on here?

No I do not

Practically the rest of the internet caters for their needs and egos so I do not care if they wonder on her and feel unwelcome

Actually I find the opposite. A man only has to show up and be polite and vaguely supportive of women and he receives way more attention on the thread than other posters, more likely to be quoted and told what a great guy he sounds.
There was a bloke who'd post these long monologues about his life as a dad to test reactions for his book and honestly you'd have thought he was Oscar Wilde the fuss that was made of him. Then that Piglet John guy. I've never read a post from him myself, yet he must be one of the most spoken of posters on here. I've never seen a woman poster singled out like that.

The only times I have heard of Piglet John is in reverence over his supposed DIY skills. Odd really given that pretty much every aspect of DIY can be found on YouTube with easy to follow step by step guides.

There was a time when there were quite a few men posting things along the line of 'I'm really, really wonderful, my wife isn't nearly good enough so I'm cheating/I'm thinking about cheating don't you all think that's perfectly reasonable?' I even remember one where a bloke was bragging that he'd been sleeping with men behind his wife's back through their whole relationship.

I always wonder what motivates men to post on a site called mumsnet. I believe the sex topic is particularly popular.

Sometimes it's fine or you wouldn't even know, sometimes women ask for a man's perspective, often I wish they'd just piss of to Reddit and let women have their own space.

Yeah they shouldn't even really be in certain places on here. And when they make a thread it's always about how their wife doesn't want enough sex.

I always wonder what motivates men to post on a site called mumsnet.

I found this place after starting IVF about ten years ago. I was doing research and mumsnet threads always popped up so started reading them. Found the resources and advice on here way more helpful then what I was getting from the actual fertility clinics. Eventually registered so I could ask specific questions and people were really helpful. Ended up running down the AIBU rabbithole and kind of stayed here.

The really annoying aspect of those is that they're always called something like 'How to understand my wife better' or 'How can I get my wife to communicate with me?' but certainly a significant number could simply be renamed 'What do I have to do to get my wife to have more sex?'

Yep. And we're all like 'leave her alone ya dirty fucker. Go have a wank'.

You wonder why they don't get the hint?!

I've heard of him because his name comes up so frequently on threads discussing whether men should be on MN. And on this one I guess thats down to me! 😊

Yep. It’s like AIBU to expect a blow job in exchange for loading the dishwasher or wanting a bloody medal for looking after their one kids for an hour

Meh

There are also quite a few 'Why won't my husband have sex with me?' threads posted by women, though.

The difference in responses is incredible.

When a man posts that his wife won't have sex with her, the replies are generally themed around:

• You probably don't do any housework or childcare
• You can't expect her to have any interest in you now that you've got kids, you're not important any more
• Leave her alone, she's not an object, if she doesn't want sex ever again you'll just have to have a wank (but not to porn and not when she's in the house)
• You probably don't do enough to make yourself attractive
• You probably aren't very good at sex
• You don't understand women's hormones, it's completely normal and reasonable for a woman to find sex repellent the moment they hit perimenopause, and so what if she's only 27, she should still be peri
• She's got a job and a child so she's probably too exhausted for a sex in a way that you as a man, despite also having a job and a child, could not possibly be
• Haha, poor little man, are we supposed to feel sorry for you just because she won't touch your sad little willy, fuck off

When I woman posts that her husband won't have sex with her, the replies are generally themed around:

• He's probably a porn addict, he'll be too busy looking at videos of underage trafficked girls being choked
• He's been masturbating incorrectly, the stupid fool, now it's the only way he can get off
• He can't expect you to agree to a sexless marriage, just leave him
• He's having an affair, trust your gut
• He's probably gay
• Or it's porn
• Did we mention it's porn
• Porn

I’m not some frothing-at-the-mouth man hater by any means, but I’ll be honest, I do privately eye roll a bit when I see a man has started or replied to a thread on here, just because it slightly changes the feel of the space. There are so few female-only spaces both in real life and online.

I know Mumsnet says it’s a space for everyone, but the reality is most users are women and it’s always felt like a women-led space.

And while there’s plenty of lighthearted, interesting stuff on here for anyone to read and contribute to, a lot of the most active threads are women asking for help with really sensitive things— relationship problems, issues with partners or their children’s fathers, sex, or even situations like leaving a difficult or unsafe relationship.

I suppose my question is why some men feel the need to insert themselves into those kinds of discussions?

For me, it just feels easier to speak openly when I think I’m talking to other women. It’s not about attacking men, just about the kind of space I’m more comfortable in.

Also, in my experience, some of the most insidious behaviour I’ve dealt with (often at work) has come from men who present themselves as very “pro-women” or feminist, for example, taking up space at women in tech events, inserting themselves into women’s networking groups, or loudly advocating for equality while undermining women behind the scenes (like trying to get someone in trouble shortly after returning from mat leave). I think that probably shapes how I view men posting on here, fairly or not!

Of course the response will be different, because they are coming from women with a woman's perspective. Which in both cases will be what the OP is seeking having posted on a woman's forum.
A man asking a bunch of women why his wife doesn't want sex with him is surely expecting those women to put themselves in her shoes and advise accordingly, whereas a woman posting to other women will be typically seeking support and empathy. So the comparison doesn't hold.
A better way to assess if MN is harsh when advising the opposite sex, would be to compare the responses a man got from women on here with the responses a woman got on a male forum posting this problem.

Meh, men still rule most of the world. I don’t think it’ll do any significant damage for a very small number to receive a “hard time” in a female majority forum. There are many many places on the internet they have total control.

Men posting fine. It's the ones who mansplain and sadly many do that are tiresome.

Add to that:
Stepmums
Anyone dating again when you have children

Agree. There are some really nice honest open men on here who post respectfully and add value to the threads.

But equally there far too many ‘man here’ types who love the sound of their own voice.

And there’s one in particular who just loves scolding women for having standards of any sort despite openly stating he isn’t interested in romantic relationships- yet feels the need to mansplain exactly how low the bar should be

A couple of women asked this on the male oriented forum I mentioned earlier, and while there were some sensible and sensitive responses, several of them suggested the husbands were gay (with varying degrees of respect) and there was plenty of "you must be fat", "your vagina must stink" and "have you tried doing absolutely all the housework and childcare while paying 50% of everything and being permanently available whenever he wants without any desires of your own".

Does that help?

Tbf it often is a black and white as this.

Men will have sex with anyone given the opportunity so if they don't want sex with their dp it will be becaue they are getting it elsewhere either irl or via porn whereas with women we need to feel connected and loved generally to want it.

She yes men get off pornhub and wash up would be my top tip .

I don't think so. I've been on here better part of 20 years and have very rarely gotten a hard time.

I can think of twice I hady arse absolutely handed to me, and both times I've absolutely deserved it. Most of the time though, I'm treated just like any woman on here.

I think it is when they have Dad or a male name and happily include their sex and even sexuality in their posts.

There's no need to know who is male or female imo.

I think the problem is that when someone asks a question about men or a man, and all the replies are from women, the OP can be left with a massively skewed and unhelpful impression. There are so many threads on here where I see other women very confidently advising an OP about men based on zero real insight into them. In fact, on a lot of threads, some genuine male perspectives would be very useful if the OP actually wants to understand or solve their problem (rather than just saying ‘my husband’s shit’ and having lots of people validating her).

The same would apply in reverse. If a man had a relationship problem and wanted to try and solve it, I’m sure we’d all roll our eyes and think “Your male friends don’t have a clue about women, you need to speak some actual women about this”. And we’d be right. I think it’s a positive thing for men to ask women for advice about women. And vice versa.

Don’t get me wrong, I think some male posters are absolutely awful. I can think of one in particular who is a weird, contrarian little incel-adjacent office bore who is clearly massively threatened by women. He’s an uptight prick. I have no time for men like that turning up and they can fuck off. But I also see men posting in good faith looking for genuine advice from women because they would value a female perspective, and I think those men do often get some truly vile replies - particularly on the rare occasions when a man is clearly being abused by a female partner.

And this exactly what I mean. Blanket judgements based on stereotypes that don’t actually help the OP at all.