AIBU to dread DH working from home with a toddler underfoot?

[headacheandtired]

DH normally works in the office Tuesdays - Thursdays, or is visiting clients. He’s out of the house, anyway!

However, he’s torn a muscle and it’s been recommended he tries to avoid driving for a period of time, so he’s negotiated working from home during this period.

It’s so difficult. I’m dreading today and tomorrow a bit as we have a two year old and obviously she doesn’t really understand that daddy is working so can’t play in the garden with her etc so keeps trying to get to him and then getting upset and having a tantrum when she can’t. It’s pretty miserable to be honest. I’m just praying that he’s back in the office when the Easter holidays begin!

I still don't get why you feel like you're in the way though. So you and DD are playing in the living room, he comes in to get a drink, says a quick hi, back to the office. How are you in the way?
My DP sometimes has video meetings at home (small box room/office upstairs; living areas are downstairs). Sure, I can hear him, but it doesn't mean I can't get on with stuff or make me feel like I'm in his office.
You seem to be fretting a lot about this.

That's basically hostage conditions

You shouldn't need to creep round all day. He just needs a headset for calls.

Maybe I'm just lucky but DH has never made him WFH my problem.

You don’t need to keep the noise down though, he’s working from home because of an injury. DH and his company will be aware that life goes on around him, I don’t make my DC by any quieter than normal for the benefit of DH working from home.
He’s not trying to hide that young children live with him, why would be?

I think you’re taking this a lot more seriously than it needs to be. You and your child go about your day like normal, if the transitions are hard you tell him not to pop out to see you unless it’s a lunch break and he’s going to interact with DC properly. There’s really nothing else to do.

We stayed in a flat my husband was nightshift we went out everyday

Is he in an office in the house or a communal area like the kitchen?
when dh worked from kitchen table it was hard going as I still had to make food etc. once he was upstairs in his office it was fine. He only comes down for lunch / occasional coffee. I maybe see him 3 times in 8 hours . You could negotiate timings for when you are out if he’s amenable

This. I wouldn’t have time for his faffing about and popping in and out, of course that’s going to make it much harder for your daughter!
If you put music on downstairs, does that help? Some sort of background noise anyway, just to dull it a bit.
Otherwise I guess going out quite a bit would definitely help, but I can see why you don’t want to be out all day every day!

You need to just suck it up unfortunately, you need to structure your day to keep the toddler distracted. Your very lucky you are home with her. During lockdown nursery was shut I was working full time at home on my own with a 2 yr old running wild and my husband was out working. It's very difficult and I nearly lost the plot but it's temporary at least you know it won't be for long and things will return to normal. For now just support him as best you can.

DH works from home 4 days a week, 2 of those days DS (3) isn't at preschool. They quickly get used to the idea that mummy or daddy is home but working and unavailable. She'll get used to it. Echo pp that I'd get her out of the house and wear her out so she's happy to chill at home.

I agree - my DD had DH around all of the time because it was covid. She was only 4mo so it was normal for her that he was there but unavailable. He did come down for lunch so she still got to see him for a bit. I was a SAHM until she went to school so this went on for years and she was just used to it.

Just keep reinforcing boundaries with her and she'll adjust over time.

It's nice she wants to spend time with him. During COVID, mine always seemed to understand Daddy was working but me they would interrupt. They do learn, though. You just repeat over and over Daddy is working , set out the day. We are doing x and y and z, after z you can play with Daddy. You don't need to go out tonnes.

Do you people know what a toddler is like???! First comment is mindboggling

Of cours esh knows!

I assume you're in a mainly open plan house? He'll just have to find a room with a door to work from. That might be from your bedroom. Get a lap tray if you don't have a desk in there. It's not forever.

Yes, I’ve had 3 of them, and a DH who worked from home for the vast majority of their toddlerhoods.
Yes they knew he was at home. They also knew that they couldn’t go in to see him while he was working.

No, this is ridiculous. If that was me, no way would I agree to hole up in one room all day with a kettle like a sad B n B, and only scuttle apologetically out when I needed a piss.

I think people are being very harsh to you here!

On one of the days I work from home, my DM looks after my toddler at our house. Toddler knows I’m here but I make it as easy as possible by staying in the study with the door closed and not popping out for snacks constantly. I think your DH should be a bit more considerate and try to keep out of the way as much as possible.

Literally, this! Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill!! I’d love to have my OH home more, I WFH and if my son is here with my OH he wouldn’t think it such an issue!!

This

its not hard and dont have to be costly

many M&T are £1/2

parks and libraries free

no friends you can go and crash round / kids play - you have a catch up

He needs to not potter. So take a flask or cold drink and snack and stay in bedroom /upstairs office unless needs a wee

you have music /radio /tv on downstairs

Just keep your child away when he's working.
Shouldn't really be difficult/questionable.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading!

Love your username!

Okay 🤷‍♀️ I don’t think it’s a massive ask for a short term solution to it being a drama every time he goes in and out but fair enough that you disagree, takes all sorts.

Of course it’s a big ask. It’s his home too.