AIBU to dread DH working from home with a toddler underfoot?

[headacheandtired]

DH normally works in the office Tuesdays - Thursdays, or is visiting clients. He’s out of the house, anyway!

However, he’s torn a muscle and it’s been recommended he tries to avoid driving for a period of time, so he’s negotiated working from home during this period.

It’s so difficult. I’m dreading today and tomorrow a bit as we have a two year old and obviously she doesn’t really understand that daddy is working so can’t play in the garden with her etc so keeps trying to get to him and then getting upset and having a tantrum when she can’t. It’s pretty miserable to be honest. I’m just praying that he’s back in the office when the Easter holidays begin!

It’s not about forcing her to sleep, you’re just coming at every single comment from such a negative angle. Her not sleeping could easily be a positive as there’s no disruption to a nap routine!

She’s not used to it now but she will become used to him wfh very quickly.

It’s all very well people saying just go out but that’s easier said than done all day, every day!
Could you drive him to the office and pick him up again if it becomes a real issue?
I do agree to just tell your little one that daddy is working and he’ll come and have lunch/dinner later.

So you explain it to her. ‘Daddy is working and can’t play at the moment. He will play when he has finished work’. And redirect.

I didn’t go out all day every day when mine were toddlers and DH worked from home. We spent a lot of time at home baking/playing with toys etc. There is no need to be out all the time, she just needs to keep reinforcing to her child that daddy is busy working.

Oh I totally get that but at the moment it’s all new to the little one and telling her that daddy is working won’t stop her trying to get into the room just now. Probably by the time she gets used to it, he’ll be back in the office!

Whyever would you go out all day, every day? Don’t people play with their children at home any more? I used to spend hours on the floor playing with my daughter when she was little, reading with her, and drawing. There was never once an issue with her disturbing my husband when he was working. She lived it when he came out of his office to make a cup of coffee or for lunch but other then thst she always knew he wasn’t to be disturbed when the office door was closed.

Could you drive him to the office and collect him later?

Otherwise compromise all round - he can’t get cross from toddler disturbance - perhaps try a bit of if we leave daddy to work he can’t have lunch with us - closed bribery etc

And message any mum friends around begging for a favour to camp at their house for a bit! Obviously returning favour when he’s back at work

My dh has worked from home for 13 years. All mine have grown up with him home and it’s been wonderful for him and them. I can’t see the issue. You say “daddy’s busy” and redirect/ distract.

I would make a game of it and keep repeating that daddy is working. After a few days it will become habit that he can't be disturbed.

You say he's normally out Tue-Fri. Does that mean he normally WFH Mon & Fri?

If so maybe you need clearer messaging.
She will get it over time, like every child had to in lockdown. Sign on the door is a great idea. We would also keep doors shut so downstairs doors & stairgates prevent her climbing the stairs, and parent working behind a closed door upstairs, so she can't even get to the "office" door.

Make her a little "now and next" board: play with mummy, lunch with mummy & daddy, playground with mimmy. We've been pointing at pics of who is looking after DC with ours since they were babies.

I was referring to previous posters who had been suggesting that the OP goes out! And whilst your little one was fine with your husband working from home, the OP stated that right now her little one isn’t fine with it and she has a battle to keep the child away from where he’s working and that results in tantrums. No doubt disrupting her husband, especially if he’s in online meetings etc.
Of course people play with their children but you totally missed my point.

That’s the problem: we were out pretty much all day yesterday and she’s tired. We’re going out for the morning but I don’t think I’ve got it in me to be out dawn till dusk every day!

No quite! I think you’ll just have to consistently reinforce that daddy is working and you’ll see him soon.
I asked if you could drop him to the office and pick him up again. Is that practical?

I think you're overly worrying, it's very common for families to have 1 parent WFH. Just get out as much as you can, surely you'd want to anyway as such a lovely day. I'm barely home with my toddler.

Sorry; I missed that - unfortunately not, it’s just too far. But it can feel like a long day when you feel like you’re in someone’s office and with the best will in the world I do feel like I’m in the way in my own home.

I think after a few days of redirecting she'll be used to it. Just have really clear boundaries - no going upstairs or no going in that room or no banging on the door or whatever makes sense with your layout.

As others pointed out, many of us had to navigate this during covid with no option to go anywhere at all so you at least have all that on the table. Morning home playing with whatever, lunch, out to the library / park / soft play / whatever, home for dinner. No need to be out dawn to dusk!

YANBU

My DH wfh except for the occasional one day in the office every few months. I have a 2 yo who refuses to nap 95% of the time, doesn’t sleep through the night as of yet, climbs on anything and everything and I have to be on constant alert. They know where DH is at home. They don’t have to hear him because they are used to seeing him in his office and will easily run off and go to see him the moment my back is turned. When he’s not home, it’s so much easier. We have our own routine and we run errands, go to the park and go to the library often but stuff still needs to be done at home and even then I’m trying to stop them from making more mess which results in a tantrum every time I do so.

I can tell them until I’m blue in the face that daddy is working but that doesn’t mean they understands what that means. I’ve been telling them since they could climb stairs so over a year now.

Tbh, he doesn’t help the situation because he will allow them in certain times and not have them in during other times.

Luckily they start nursery next month.

At least it’s temporary for your DH.

You’re talking as though you’re the only person who has ever had to look after a toddler at home all day while their partner is WFH.

I understand your difficulties OP. DS struggles with transitions, and at 2 he would have a meltdown if things didn't go to routine or as expected.

What helped us when people were working from home wasn't to say "mummy/daddy is working, she/he can't play" was "let's go play and mummy/daddy will come and find us when they're ready" and "shall we make something to show them when they find us?" "I bet mummy/daddy would love it if we made them a cup of tea at (whatever their breakfast time was), shall we make it together, you can put the teabag and the sugar in, I'll put the water and the milk in and then we can stir it together" or even "shall we make a tea party for (break time)" and literally getting the child to make what is essentially sandwiches for lunch and a jug of juice to sit on the floor with.

The coloured sign someone else mentioned is also a good idea.

We have a cheap pound land clock that we have colour coded parts of the day to, like breakfast, quiet/reading time, play time, etc. Maybe something like that could be a good visual representation for when daddy will be ready to play, if you can schedule mummy playtime and daddy playtime. Children don't really have a good concept of actual times they live in now, or later, so being able to see what is now and what is later can be very regulating.

So why go out for so long? I often didnt go out with my daughter for several days at a time. We had so much fun at home that it really wasn’t necessary for us to go out all the time.

with the best will in the world I do feel like I’m in the way in my own home.
Is your house small? Isn't he in one room with the door (potentially) shut? Why do you feel like you're in the way if you have space and he's shut away?

I think both extremes are probably not ideal to be honest although of course it’s largely dependent on home set ups, personalities and so on.

Re the size of the house, it’s a fair size but DH is in and out, pops out for a drink, a snack, the toilet, and DD just doesn’t have the level of understanding yet where she gets he’s at work, she just sees he’s there! Plus you can hear his voice when he’s in meetings, you have to be aware of noise levels. I’m quite envious of those who can close the door and forget their spouses existence: I can’t!

It's difficult if they're not used to it. I had a period of time when DD1 was 2 and DD2 was 6: months when DH was working from home and DD1 struggled to understand that daddy was working and couldn't play.
We spent all morning out swimming, soft play, park, going for a walk, playgroup and then we would go home for lunch.
Then we'd spend the afternoon at home DD2 usually napped and DD1 and I got to play with her toys or in the garden and DD1 loved our 1:1 time (though I understand it's different for you). About 3 we'd usually go out again for another hour or so, even if it was just shopping.
DD1 got used it within a couple of weeks although I agree you could take him to work if it's too much of an issue.
Or do two activities per day and have a chilled out or quiet time after lunch.

Can you ask him to get organised with snacks and drink making things (spare kettle, mugs, tea bags and milk etc) in the room he's working in so that the only reason he needs to leave the room is to use the toilet?
Then go out for a bit when he installs himself so when you return he's 'disappeared'. 😂
Not sure what you can do about her hearing him but the less she sees him the more easily she'll be distracted from wanting to see him, I guess?