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Original poster

Dss girlfriend staying over

79 replies

Blankscreen · 17/03/2026 23:51

Dss (22) has recently got a girlfriend (19) she seems nice enough.

Last week dss asked DH if she could stay on Friday. DH said yes.. she was then here all day Saturday until about 5 pm. They did eventually go to her house and stay there Saturday night.

He saw her again Sunday and they went to his mum's for mothers day.

Last night she stayed again and then tonight she appeared again after they'd been to the gym together.

He cooked her dinner (I had already done his) and they sat on the sofa giggling whilst DD and I were watching TV.

I've just been in the bathroom and she has left her gunky tooth brush on the sink 😤. She's just gone home.

I'm not gonna lie I'm finding it irritating her being here all the time. I just want to chill out at home and not have to make small talk or have the dogs going nuts.

Not sure if I am being a grumpy cow saying it's too much.

OP posts:
MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 19:14

I have friends who are stuck in private renting situations with kids and are paying a lot for rent. One of my friends flat is damp. It's affecting her health and that of her kids and her landlord won't do anything about it. Another friend of mine pays over three times what I do in rent (I'm a council tenant), she's in a private let

Im actually grateful for the fact that I didn't grow up in accommodation that made me unwell.

I don't think it's normal on any level to live in accommodation with mould or dampness or water coming in the roof. It's a sign that a landlord doesn't care about their tenants.

I'm as working class as you get but I didn't grow up in crap substandard accommodation - I bet some of my older relatives did. It's not some kind of poverty safari to be living in crap housing - for some people that's their life year in year out

I lived next door to drug dealers for over a decade. Police did nothing and the housing didn't either.

When two of the oldest sons grew up they got their own place they then set about terrorising everyone else in their new area. Both are currently in jail for threatening by standers with a machete and a knife.

It's not that easy for young people to get on the property ladder these days. It's not that easy to get a private let in some areas either. Some places ask for a month's deposit and rent up front

I think there's a difference between having high expectations and not wanting to live in a horrible damp flat - for some young people getting a mortgage isn't going to happen. There surely has to be a middle ground somewhere

Living in crap substandard housing or over priced decent housing isn't some character building poverty safari - it's reality for millions of people.

budgiegirl · 20/03/2026 19:36

Ponderingwindow · 20/03/2026 18:28

I’m not convinced young adults can’t move out. I lived in some very questionable places, but there was no possibility I was going to live with my parents, so I made it work. Young adults seem to have high expectations. It’s normal to be completely broke, have a leaky roof, and be battling your landlord about mold. It’s not fun, but you work hard and try to stay there are briefly as possible.

I had a secondary school teacher point out back in the 80s that we posh students were all in for a harsh awakening when we got out on our own. It was very good advice. He didn’t say it in a harsh way. We grew up comfortable and finally got to experience life like many other people.

Edited

But even those leaky roofed, mouldy, rented properties cost relatively 3 or 4 times more compared to wages than they did back in the late 80's, early 90s. And I don't think it's having high expectations for young people to expect at least living conditions that aren't going to make them ill - that's surely the minimum they are reasonable to expect.

My first house cost £65000 in 1994, me and my DH back then had a joint income of £28000, in low level admin/management jobs. That same house was for sale a couple of years ago for £380000 - almost 6 times the price. Yet the salary for the equivalent jobs has roughly only doubled. It's not easy at all for young people to meet a similar standard of living that we had when we were starting out back in the day.

MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 19:52

budgiegirl · 20/03/2026 19:36

But even those leaky roofed, mouldy, rented properties cost relatively 3 or 4 times more compared to wages than they did back in the late 80's, early 90s. And I don't think it's having high expectations for young people to expect at least living conditions that aren't going to make them ill - that's surely the minimum they are reasonable to expect.

My first house cost £65000 in 1994, me and my DH back then had a joint income of £28000, in low level admin/management jobs. That same house was for sale a couple of years ago for £380000 - almost 6 times the price. Yet the salary for the equivalent jobs has roughly only doubled. It's not easy at all for young people to meet a similar standard of living that we had when we were starting out back in the day.

Show quote history

I personally couldn't afford to buy a flat in the 90s. One wage. I bought my council flat eventually but it had to be sold five years ago (for very little but that's another story).

A relative of mine in his 40s who bought a flat two years ago after a horrible break up where he pretty much walked away with nothing ago could only do so because he moved back in with my mum for 18 months to get a decent deposit together and he works full time

My mum bought her council house 30 years ago. She got 50 per cent discount and she paid 26k. Houses in her street are now going for 130k plus. Very ordinary two bedroom terraced housing - and we are in Scotland where it's cheaper.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/03/2026 08:54

Blankscreen · 20/03/2026 09:45

DH ended up telling ds last night.

They came back again last night for dinner and were then heading over to her house. Why the need to stop here to eat is beyond me when she lives about 15 minutes away.

So that is every night for the last week.

Dss then asked if she can stay over tonight (Friday) and DH said no, its too much etc etc etc.

Dss appeared to accept this so we will see what happens.

So no to last night but do he say going forward it’s 2 nights a week etc

did gf go home last night and dss with her or do he stay at home alone @Blankscreen

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