Honestly I think a lot of parenting of undiagnosed nd kids back in the day probably involved (or at least did in my experience) rule by fear.
I couldn’t speak until I was 7, I was told I was being ignorant or shy.
i was incontinent until my teens, I was shamed and hit for this.
I could only eat a few foods, I was made to sit at the table staring at food that made me feel physically sick until bedtime. If I tried to eat it and threw it back up I was hit.
i developed my own secret ways of controlling things I spent a lot of time out the house walking round. I would count to 6 before I did anything as it made me feel safer. I would read constantly. . I learnt how to hide in plain sight.
I was constantly told I was stupid, daydreams, weird. I was bullied at school, teachers made fun of me. My parents tried to shame/force me to be more normal. I tried so hard to fit in/ be normal.
As an adult I went straight into an abusive relationship to escape home, I had depression, anxiety. I couldn’t hold down a job, I would start a new job be great but quickly start to do badly/ make mistakes.
it took a breakdown, a lot of counselling, hypnotherapy, mindfulness to get me to a better place. I cope better now because I’m in control of my life and can eat what I choose, follow routines that are comfortable which makes managing the overwhelming stuff easier.
I realised I was autistic when we were going through my sons diagnosis I’ve tried to let him be himself and feel secure in who he is but there’s still challenges because school want him to fit into their rigid routine and (in the last couple years) his peers dislike the fact that he is different.
im not sure there is a perfect way to manage nd but just because it was less noticeable in the past to you doesn’t mean people struggled any less.