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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel I don’t actually like my own children very much

59 replies

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:12

That felt very taboo to type but if I’m honest (and this is venting and not really an advice thread) I just don’t like my children. And I know this is my own doing; that if I’d done a better job they might be nicer. I’m not trying to hate on them just to be honest in one of the few spaces I can be.

I have two of them. One child who is five and who I’ve always clashed with. He has a temper and doesn’t listen; difficult combination. After school he went out to play in the garden and wet himself. I was calm but it took several ‘come ins’ before he did so. When I got him out of his wet clothes it transpired there was a bit of a soiled accident so I told him to go to the toilet. He ran off instead, half naked and with poo all over his bottom. Eventually got him inside and he shouts PEPPA PIG at me. He did ask in a more civilised manner after being told he wouldn’t have it at all if he was that rude!

He flings himself at me and his dad … one or both of us are constantly making ‘OOFFT’ noises and telling him to stop but still does.

We have not found a single consequence he GAF about or that changes some of these things.

then my two year old used to be quite easy; fairly standard baby / toddler as far as I can see but over the last month has changed so much I hate looking after her (I know, sounds horrible) she screams at me; just stands and SCREAMS and omits these awful whines near constantly, doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, will completely obsess over random stuff such as jumping on sofas or beds. She speaks to me like I’m dirt as well.

I am finding it really hard, as it’s hard not to feel like it’s a failure on your part when your children don’t like you and you don’t like them.

OP posts:
coconutbiscuit · 17/03/2026 18:17

Sorry you are finding things so difficult OP. Do you have much support? Do you think you could be feeling depressed?

CheeseLand2 · 17/03/2026 18:21

It is indeed very hard OP and you are in the trenches right now.

They love you, of course they do. But, at these ages it’s fairly relentless and thankless on your part. You don’t get a huge amount back.

I hate to say this as it doesn’t solve your immediate problem but it will pass. You just have to stay strong and keep reinforcing the boundaries. Yes they will kick off and be unreasonable but you need to hold firm.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/03/2026 18:28

Totally normal at this stage ( and others! ) There's quite an age gap between myself and our youngest sibling and she was born screaming seemingly never to stop until about 5, we called her the red devil because no one and I mean no one liked her, we loved her but god help all of us at the time.

She's absolutely lovely now though, just like your two will be eventually.

DysmalRadius · 17/03/2026 18:32

Have you sought help from any external agencies? Health visitor, GP, school? I'd want to rule out physical or developmental issues before anything else.

PShelp · 17/03/2026 18:32

It's really hard, solidarity. I'd outright ban Peppa Pig though, he's probably learning from her terrible ways!

IrregularMo0n · 17/03/2026 18:33

These ages can be a nightmare, I thought you were going to say you had teens!! It's not too late at all. Sometimes when they are very challenging, it is worth remembering what you love about them. How are things when they're going well, 2 year olds can be horrors but also the most charming, gorgeous little cherubs. Same for 5 year olds! Its important you both remember the good times that make the hard stuff seem worth it

PShelp · 17/03/2026 18:33

Also the throwing himself at you, maybe he's sensory seeking? Does he push his toes against you while you're reading to him? Mine does and basically needs to jump off things to sort of get it out of his system. Bit like zoomies

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:34

Thanks for the kindness. I feel guilty now as they can be lovely (not tonight!) and I know the younger one in particular is very very tired; up since 530 and no nap (and only went to bed at 830 last night …) so it’s unsurprising in a way. And my five year old does a sports club after school Tuesdays so probably drained from that too.

External support honestly no I haven’t … I’m not sure there’s anything anyone can point me too I can’t already access myself.

OP posts:
Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:34

PShelp · 17/03/2026 18:32

It's really hard, solidarity. I'd outright ban Peppa Pig though, he's probably learning from her terrible ways!

I don’t think so, he hasn’t watched it for ages actually. I’m not sure I’ve seen the episode she poos her pants and runs around with it on her backside either 😩

OP posts:
Eatally · 17/03/2026 18:35

They are still so young. Remind them every time to say please/thank you and model it yourself. It will eventually sink in.
If the toddler speaks to you “like dirt”, remind her that is not the way we ask for things and only do it if she asks nicely.
Sending sympathy, it’s a slog at that age.

sunsetsites · 17/03/2026 18:37

You said if he was rude he wouldn’t get the tv but he already was rude and ignored you asking him to come in several times and yet he still got the tv on? It sounds like he knows the things you say don’t actually hold any weight.

Running around covered in poo is actually very abnormal behaviour for a 5 year old, not sure why so many are trying to suggest otherwise.

firstofallimadelight · 17/03/2026 18:37

I had 2 DDs who were fairly easy, they were polite, I could reason with them and they could play independently fairly well. I had friends who had high spirited children and I felt so sorry for them the constant noise, playing up in public , arguing. Then I had my son and I got my own hard work child. It is harder to like them because they push your buttons and are not pleasant to be around.
Being my third I knew it was less on my parenting and more about personality type. I’m just hoping it gets easier. Tbf my two easy going DDs gave me grief in their teens and they are lovely as adults.

Devilsmommy · 17/03/2026 18:38

Is your 2 year old basically copying her brother after seeing that he gets attention when he's playing up? I'd definitely speak to your HV if you have a good one or your GP just to rule out anything first

Sassylovesbooks · 17/03/2026 18:40

Two isn't called 'the terrible twos' for nothing. Most children start to push boundaries at that age, so I don't think, your daughter is necessarily being unusual. My son was worse at 3, than 2.

Your son is certainly pushing boundaries at 5. Have you tried things like reward charts? Is there anything in particular that he likes or enjoys that you could take away for a punishment, if he's not doing as he's asked? How does your son behave at school?

Have you asked for any outside support? HV, school pastoral care? The little years are tough, but it does get better.

SerenitySeeker4 · 17/03/2026 18:41

That sounds really exhausting, and it’s brave of you to say it out loud because a lot of parents feel this way at times but are too ashamed to admit it. It doesn’t sound like you hate your children so much. A strong-willed five-year-old and a two-year-old going through a difficult phase would test anyone’s patience. Feeling like this doesn’t make you a bad parent, it usually means you’re burnt out and overwhelmed, not that you’ve failed.

Jamfirstnotcream · 17/03/2026 18:41

sunsetsites · 17/03/2026 18:37

You said if he was rude he wouldn’t get the tv but he already was rude and ignored you asking him to come in several times and yet he still got the tv on? It sounds like he knows the things you say don’t actually hold any weight.

Running around covered in poo is actually very abnormal behaviour for a 5 year old, not sure why so many are trying to suggest otherwise.

Agree
Also the running at you @Myownones
No he absolutely needs to stop this if it hurts you.
Mine were not allowed to do this or climb on me etc
If he did that to a younger child he could seriously injure them
Reinforce boundaries, use consequences

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:43

Ugh I feel horrible now. The two year old is definitely a challenge at the moment though. Just so hostile and argumentative.

My five year old isn't normally so bad although toileting is an issue. We had a very hard time potty training and even up until his fifth birthday soiled accidents were fairly frequent. Then it stopped but seems to have re started.

OP posts:
Jamfirstnotcream · 17/03/2026 18:45

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:43

Ugh I feel horrible now. The two year old is definitely a challenge at the moment though. Just so hostile and argumentative.

My five year old isn't normally so bad although toileting is an issue. We had a very hard time potty training and even up until his fifth birthday soiled accidents were fairly frequent. Then it stopped but seems to have re started.

Boys are much later to potty train @Myownones

Sounds more like he was engrossed in playing, it happens but sometimes they can get a bit lazy
Having regular loo calls worked for mine

KimuraTan · 17/03/2026 18:48

Elaborate on how your two year old speaks to you „like dirt“ please.

Kids mimic what they see and hear. What kind of tone do you speak to them in?

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:50

KimuraTan · 17/03/2026 18:48

Elaborate on how your two year old speaks to you „like dirt“ please.

Kids mimic what they see and hear. What kind of tone do you speak to them in?

She screams NO NO NO MUMMY at me it if I do something she disapproves of (singing for example or moving to the left when she wanted me to move to the right.)

I am ordered around a lot 😩

OP posts:
Jamfirstnotcream · 17/03/2026 19:00

Myownones · 17/03/2026 18:50

She screams NO NO NO MUMMY at me it if I do something she disapproves of (singing for example or moving to the left when she wanted me to move to the right.)

I am ordered around a lot 😩

What do you do when she does this?

AnSpideog · 17/03/2026 19:03

It can be hard when they are small. Try to remember how tiny they are. They only want you and that’s hard but it is also very fleeting. You sound like you need a break or a bit more support.

AnSpideog · 17/03/2026 19:04

Soiling is often constipation by the way. It could be worth a trip to the Gp.

Glassonshelf · 17/03/2026 19:09

Kindly, you need to get a grip. They are tiny children and they absorb everything like sponges at this age. How are your children hostile and argumentative and talk to you like dirt? They are 2 and 5, they are helpless beings at this stage who are relying on a stable and calm environment. You seem to be projecting adult expectations upon them. What type of behaviour are they receiving or witnessing in your home?

Myownones · 17/03/2026 19:15

AnSpideog · 17/03/2026 19:04

Soiling is often constipation by the way. It could be worth a trip to the Gp.

Yeah I don’t think he drink enough but it’s hard as I obviously can’t force him to drink. I have had a very hard day with them.

OP posts: