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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I over sensitive

61 replies

Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 16:59

So I was away for 2 nights with boyfriend of about 6 months. I paid for hotel as it was his birthday and it was my present. The first night was good - we stayed up til about 11 with drinks . The 2nd night I had planned to go for dinner and had booked somewhere but he didn’t seem keen on my choice and we headed back to the room around 5 and had some snacks and drinks we had with us. We chatted for a while and then he fell asleep around 7.15 . He slept until his alarm went off at 6am the next morning. I was disappointed . I didn’t disturb him as I knew he had a hard week and was tired/. But I did feel lonely and it felt like a bit of a waste of an evening together. We live 3.5 hours apart so meet once or twice a month. I had a bath and did my nails and talked to my daughter and watched a movie. I couldn’t sleep and finally slept around 4am. At 6 when his alarm went off he wanted sex and to wake up for the day - we were heading home but didn’t have to check out til 12. I managed to snooze for a while until he called me a “lazy woman” which really upset me. So I got up and dressed and tried to act normal but got away as soon as I could as I didn’t want him to see me upset. I didnt say anything as that was his birthday and I didn’t want an argument but I was really upset. It just stung. I’m home now and thinking about things and wondering am I being over sensitive. I told him later I was disappointed about him sleeping so long but he just said he had a hard week and tiredness took over. What do you think: am I just being over sensitive or old you be upset: I feel really hurt tho I can’t exactly say why. I feel I was sensitive to him being tired but he was very insensitive to me wanting me to get up and out early . Maybe we just have totally different body clocks

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 17/03/2026 17:04

I think your last line might have nailed it tbh. You've only met up ~12 times, so you don't have a proper idea of each other's routines and body clocks yet. If he's a morning person and you're a night owl it's not likely to work well. He shouldn't have called you lazy though, although I do question the sensibleness of staying up until 4am on your own!

pilates · 17/03/2026 17:05

You don’t sound compatible.

Original poster
Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:12

I didn’t mean to stay up til 4am. I kept lying down and trying to sleep but I couldn’t so I would get up for a bit then try again. It’s normal -ish for me. I have insomnia quite regularly since menopause it’s a nuisance

OP posts:
ThatFairy · 17/03/2026 17:13

It's disappointing but if someone has to sleep they have to sleep. I have insomnia as well, it's terrible isn't it

sunshine244 · 17/03/2026 17:14

Why did he have an alarm at 6am?

Changedasouting · 17/03/2026 17:16

ThatFairy · 17/03/2026 17:13

It's disappointing but if someone has to sleep they have to sleep. I have insomnia as well, it's terrible isn't it

Edited

Yes but op had to sleep in the morning. He had over 10 hrs sleep she had 2 and he is calling her lazy

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2026 17:17

I think you were right to feel disappointed that the 2nd night didn't go as planned, actually it didn't go anywhere really.

Like others have said, you seem incompatible, I doubt it would work out if you were together more.

WellOodelally · 17/03/2026 17:17

He wouldn’t be for me. A bit all take and no give for my liking. If he wants to sack off dinner and go to sleep early, whatever, but where does he get off expecting you to just bend yourself to his demands. Like fuck would I have got up, and he’d have got it in the neck for calling me lazy too.

ThatFairy · 17/03/2026 17:21

Changedasouting · 17/03/2026 17:16

Yes but op had to sleep in the morning. He had over 10 hrs sleep she had 2 and he is calling her lazy

Show quote history

Yes that was uncalled for. I have insomnia/ sleep phase disorder, I have to work at night because there's no way I can wake up early in the morning regularly without relying on sleeping pills, and my ex used to say I was lazy which is completely unfair. I just have a different circadian rhythm to most people

sunsetsites · 17/03/2026 17:22

So you were disappointed about him sleeping early in the evening, but it’s okay for you to want to go to sleep at 4am and sleep in?
Neither one is more wrong or more right.

If I was shattered and wanted an early night even while we were away and my DH made it into this big thing I would be quite annoyed.

Original poster
Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:32

sunsetsites · 17/03/2026 17:22

So you were disappointed about him sleeping early in the evening, but it’s okay for you to want to go to sleep at 4am and sleep in?
Neither one is more wrong or more right.

If I was shattered and wanted an early night even while we were away and my DH made it into this big thing I would be quite annoyed.

Yeh that’s why I don’t make it into a big thing and accepted his explanation that he was tired. I suppose we just are very different on our body clocks. Though sleeping at 7.15 pm does seem extraordinarily early to end the night? Yeh looks like I am being over sensitive. I suppose I wanted to make the most of our time together but a big portion was spent sleeping. Which seemed a waste. I could have just paid for one night: I might as well have been at home for the 2nd one. His alarm went off as he forgot to turn it off. And he didn’t say come on get up so we can enjoy some time together he said hurry and get up we need to get home. He wouldn’t let me rest he wanted sec then he got up and opened the curtains and made noise . I was tired obvs ! Yeh we just incompatible really.

OP posts:
Didimum · 17/03/2026 17:36

Poor effort on his part. Everyone gets tired sometimes. Most people work hard. Suck it up when someone has put in a lot of time, effort and money on you.

ThatFairy · 17/03/2026 17:40

I don't think you are necessarily incompatible, maybe you can talk to him about trying to stay up later with you next time. Maybe he could sleep in the day you meet if it's possible

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2026 17:41

Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:32

Yeh that’s why I don’t make it into a big thing and accepted his explanation that he was tired. I suppose we just are very different on our body clocks. Though sleeping at 7.15 pm does seem extraordinarily early to end the night? Yeh looks like I am being over sensitive. I suppose I wanted to make the most of our time together but a big portion was spent sleeping. Which seemed a waste. I could have just paid for one night: I might as well have been at home for the 2nd one. His alarm went off as he forgot to turn it off. And he didn’t say come on get up so we can enjoy some time together he said hurry and get up we need to get home. He wouldn’t let me rest he wanted sec then he got up and opened the curtains and made noise . I was tired obvs ! Yeh we just incompatible really.

Show quote history

"Yeh looks like I am being over sensitive. I suppose I wanted to make the most of our time together but a big portion was spent sleeping."

Why are you letting yourself be convinced you were over sensitive? You have a right to feel disappointed.
If your boyfriend can't manage to enjoy a two-night stay in a hotel , which you had arranged and paid for as a birthday treat...unless he is 90 years old or suffering from some debilitating illness....it is HIM who is in the wrong, not you.

BauhausOfEliott · 17/03/2026 17:43

People saying the OP shouldn't have 'stayed up' until 4am are missing the point that she couldn't sleep. It's not like she went out clubbing. She had insomnia.

If I was staying in a nice hotel for a couple of nights, I would be pretty pissed off if my DP refused to go out for dinner and just ate snacks in the room and then went to sleep at 7pm like a toddler. I get that he was tired but it would definitely give me (and yes, I know some people hate this term, but it's useful shorthand for exactly what I mean) 'the ick'. To me it just screams 'feeble, fragile wet blanket' and that isn't the kind of man I can find attractive.

Also, no wonder he's bloody tired if he's the sort of person who wants to get up and start the day at 6am when's got the day off work and doesn't need to check out of his hotel until midday. He could have had dinner the previous night and stayed up until a more grown-up hour and caught up on his sleep in the morning. It's a waste of the hotel room to go to sleep at 7pm and then want to be up and out at the crack of dawn.

Also, he was a complete cunt to call the OP 'lazy' when he couldn't be arsed to go out to dinner and he was asleep at 7pm in a hotel room she had paid for.

PonyPatter44 · 17/03/2026 17:44

He doesn't sound nice. I actually wonder whether you're my exH's girlfriend, because this sounds suspiciously like the way he used to behave. Personally, if he was asleep and snoring by 7.30, I would have gone out and found a pub or a nice wine bar or something. Fuck sitting in the room on my own with Sleeping Beauty snoring away.

ScabbyHorse · 17/03/2026 17:45

I think he took you for granted here.. you did a nice thing for him and paid for the hotel.. he acted quite ungratefully and then was rude to you. I would probably suggest not paying for him next time, he didn’t appreciate it.

Original poster
Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:46

BauhausOfEliott · 17/03/2026 17:43

People saying the OP shouldn't have 'stayed up' until 4am are missing the point that she couldn't sleep. It's not like she went out clubbing. She had insomnia.

If I was staying in a nice hotel for a couple of nights, I would be pretty pissed off if my DP refused to go out for dinner and just ate snacks in the room and then went to sleep at 7pm like a toddler. I get that he was tired but it would definitely give me (and yes, I know some people hate this term, but it's useful shorthand for exactly what I mean) 'the ick'. To me it just screams 'feeble, fragile wet blanket' and that isn't the kind of man I can find attractive.

Also, no wonder he's bloody tired if he's the sort of person who wants to get up and start the day at 6am when's got the day off work and doesn't need to check out of his hotel until midday. He could have had dinner the previous night and stayed up until a more grown-up hour and caught up on his sleep in the morning. It's a waste of the hotel room to go to sleep at 7pm and then want to be up and out at the crack of dawn.

Also, he was a complete cunt to call the OP 'lazy' when he couldn't be arsed to go out to dinner and he was asleep at 7pm in a hotel room she had paid for.

Truthfully this is how I feel. But I’ve dampened my feelings down so as not to cause an argument . I don’t know how to broach it with him again without it causing a big argument

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 17/03/2026 17:48

But why would do you think it would cause a big argument if you broach your feelings @Ceci693 ?

Original poster
Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:48

PonyPatter44 · 17/03/2026 17:44

He doesn't sound nice. I actually wonder whether you're my exH's girlfriend, because this sounds suspiciously like the way he used to behave. Personally, if he was asleep and snoring by 7.30, I would have gone out and found a pub or a nice wine bar or something. Fuck sitting in the room on my own with Sleeping Beauty snoring away.

Honestly I was tempted to

OP posts:
Original poster
Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:49

Terrribletwos · 17/03/2026 17:48

But why would do you think it would cause a big argument if you broach your feelings @Ceci693 ?

I can’t seem to say what I feel without him getting very defensive and I end up feeling like I’m being unreasonable

OP posts:
NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 17/03/2026 17:51

NovemberMorn · 17/03/2026 17:41

"Yeh looks like I am being over sensitive. I suppose I wanted to make the most of our time together but a big portion was spent sleeping."

Why are you letting yourself be convinced you were over sensitive? You have a right to feel disappointed.
If your boyfriend can't manage to enjoy a two-night stay in a hotel , which you had arranged and paid for as a birthday treat...unless he is 90 years old or suffering from some debilitating illness....it is HIM who is in the wrong, not you.

Show quote history

Absolutely this!
YANBU, op, he's behaved really badly! People like this really annoy me....you've made the effort and bought him a really nice gift, you've gone away together, and then he makes zero effort and falls asleep at 7.15....sod that! He could've slept at home!
If someone goes to all that effort, you suck up the tiredness and get on with having a great time.
And don't get me started on the fact he woke up and wanted sex despite falling asleep on you the night before....he's a bit of a dickhead, isn't he op?

WellOodelally · 17/03/2026 17:51

He sounds absolutely awful. Why do you think this is the best you can do?!

BauhausOfEliott · 17/03/2026 17:52

Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:46

Truthfully this is how I feel. But I’ve dampened my feelings down so as not to cause an argument . I don’t know how to broach it with him again without it causing a big argument

Show quote history

It's a bit worrying if you're scared to express any dissatisfaction in case of 'a big argument'. Is he unpleasant / aggressive when there's any disagreement?

That, combined with him refusing to go to dinner with you and calling you a 'lazy woman, makes me suspect he isn't a very nice man at all.

Terrribletwos · 17/03/2026 17:53

Ceci693 · 17/03/2026 17:49

I can’t seem to say what I feel without him getting very defensive and I end up feeling like I’m being unreasonable

Show quote history

Well, that's not healthy. You should be able to discuss things
Does he always get defensive in other situations and do you always back down for fear of upsetting him?