Am I over sensitive

[Ceci693]

So I was away for 2 nights with boyfriend of about 6 months. I paid for hotel as it was his birthday and it was my present. The first night was good - we stayed up til about 11 with drinks . The 2nd night I had planned to go for dinner and had booked somewhere but he didn’t seem keen on my choice and we headed back to the room around 5 and had some snacks and drinks we had with us. We chatted for a while and then he fell asleep around 7.15 . He slept until his alarm went off at 6am the next morning. I was disappointed . I didn’t disturb him as I knew he had a hard week and was tired/. But I did feel lonely and it felt like a bit of a waste of an evening together. We live 3.5 hours apart so meet once or twice a month. I had a bath and did my nails and talked to my daughter and watched a movie. I couldn’t sleep and finally slept around 4am. At 6 when his alarm went off he wanted sex and to wake up for the day - we were heading home but didn’t have to check out til 12. I managed to snooze for a while until he called me a “lazy woman” which really upset me. So I got up and dressed and tried to act normal but got away as soon as I could as I didn’t want him to see me upset. I didnt say anything as that was his birthday and I didn’t want an argument but I was really upset. It just stung. I’m home now and thinking about things and wondering am I being over sensitive. I told him later I was disappointed about him sleeping so long but he just said he had a hard week and tiredness took over. What do you think: am I just being over sensitive or old you be upset: I feel really hurt tho I can’t exactly say why. I feel I was sensitive to him being tired but he was very insensitive to me wanting me to get up and out early . Maybe we just have totally different body clocks

I think you should just tell him that it was disappointing that you didn't make the most of your time in the hotel and can he get up later in the day for the next meet up to meet you half way with your insomnia. And you could let him know that it's not laziness on your part it's insomnia which you can't help

I would get rid of him too.
The defensive behaviour would be the final nail in the coffin. Basically he can insult you to your face and call you lazy for not doing what he wants when he wants. But you are walking on eggshells not daring to say anything to him at all about how you feel.

But there was already a long list of things that would have pissed me off.
Totally unappreciative of a lovely and no doubt not cheap birthday trip.
Rudely rejected a dinner reservation you had thoughtfully made.
Went to sleep at 7.15pm like a fucking toddler. Tired after a week at work, oh please.
Left his alarm set for 6am with no consideration for you.
Pestered you for sex when you needed to sleep (ok for him to sleep when he wants to but you are "lazy").
Was champing to get up and go home at 6am!!! Why? Surely part of the treat is a leisurely hotel breakfast.

I've never met him and he's annoyed me anyway.

OP, you've only been seeing this man for six months (actually, looking at your previous posts, you only had your first date with him five months ago), you live 3.5 hours apart, is miserable and unappreciative of you booking a nice hotel and arranging dinner for his birthday, expected you to get up at 6am simply because HE had had enough sleep, insulted you and called you 'lazy woman' because you didn't want sex after two hours sleep AND he's such a dick when you express your feelings that he's left you scared to argue with him.

This isn't a good relationship. At all. You only see this man a couple of times a month at most, and you've only been together five months, so you've only actually had about, what, 8 - 10 actual meetings? And it's already like this?

Seriously, in a long-distance relationship with someone you've only had a few actual dates with, things should be at the loved-up, butterflies in the stomach when you see them, can't keep your hands of each other, staying up all night shagging and talking phase. It should not be like... well, like whatever this is. Do yourself a favour and ditch him. This isn't good and there's enough red flags here to make a string of bunting.

Just from his point of view
I think he didn’t want me to pay for a dinner - I think he was short of cash to pay himself or he would have to be fair he is generous but he has just bought a car and is short
He did thank me a lot and said he had a lovely time

Oh, well as long as he had a lovely time, all is well.

From what you have said it sounds like you are already walking on eggshells when you are with him, that's no way to live.
I wouldn't want to get too close to someone like that.

Yes, probably keeping you sweet for the next time he wants a free bunk up in an hotel and a shag.

He sounds like a sexist twat. And talk about double standards! He spends half the holiday asleep but you're the lazy one?!

Tbh though you should have woken (or tried to wake) him a couple of hours after he went for what I'm presuming was meant to be a nap. Just accepting he's asleep from 5pm onwards seems odd. Both of you would be missing out on doing something nice.

If you didn't want to wake him (again it makes little sense you didn't on holiday) you should've tried to make the most of it and at least gone for dinner or exploring a bit alone.

Not that I'm excusing him from having the audacity to call you a lazy woman!?

I think you can safely say he's not the one for you. Time to part ways as soon as possible I'd say.

And I am concerned about you not talking to him cos he might get defensive, this isn't normal. You need to address that.

You are witholding your feelings to placate him, this is not healthy. I had one like this and he drained me for two years, get out now while you can. Everything will always be on his terms. That is not fair.

I don’t think you are being sensitive. I’d be sad if my DH didn’t want to make the most of our time away never mind a BF who I only see once in a blue moon. We tend to have a cheeky nap in the afternoon but definitely go out for food and drinks- even if we come back to the room early.

You must of felt very lonely stuck in that room. I’d of felt used for a very comfortable nights sleep at my expense.

I think I’d be thinking this relationship had run its course, realistically you should have been ripping each others threads off after such a short time not snoring the bloody night away!

@Ceci693 you’re not being over sensitive at all! Don’t start making excuses / allowances for him either such as him having a hard week at work etc… we all have hard weeks at work but it doesn’t mean we act like arses at the weekend with those we are supposed to be close to!

You paid for a lovely 2 night break away for his birthday and he sounds like an ungrateful prick! Cancelling dinner and falling asleep at 7pm on a fully paid for weekend away is disrespectful to say the least. Frankly, I’d have packed my bag, left him there to sleep and gone home. I’d also have demanded a refund! Did he even apologise or thank you for paying for the weekend?

Also, what was the reason for him setting the alarm for 6am? He then had the cheek to demand sex when he woke up (I hope you refused btw). Then he called you lazy. Don’t be a mug and don’t allow yourself to be treated like this again. You deserve better.

Oh look at your energy bunny. Gosh some days I’m absolutely shattered and asleep before 8! In fact dh and I did this while away too.

How is op being unable to sleep his problem? So he’s exhausted after a hard week and a previous late night, and falls asleep early and he’s terrible yet op who stays up till 4 gets sympathy? Both had a reason for their sleep situation equally

Yeah I don't really think this is a bit deal they were just sleeping totally opposite to each other. He shouldn't have called her lazy, though I suppose it's the tone he will have said it in which only OP knows

Well you would, that is why he is doing it, he wants you to feel like shit. I get up at 5:45 am every morning and am in my 50's. I still manage to stay up at night, I am not missing dinner to go to bed.

I’ve got twins, work full time and have a 3hr work commute. I get deeply crash-tired as much as anyone.

Where did I say OP’s sleep problems were his fault? It’s a special occasion and she’s made a big effort. He can perk himself up for one more night.

What an absolute waste of money. Then eating snacks in the room 😳😲 that's something you do when you've kids and they are getting ready for bed. I'd have to ask him if he normally goes to bed at a child's time because that would answer the question if you're compatible. If it was a one off and he'd worked with very little rest then see if they do the same again. Away at a nice hotel should be making the most of every minute especially in the early days.

I thought exactly the same, but you have worded it better than me.

It sounds like you didn't pace yourselves for the weekend. Better to have an earlier night, no drinks the first night and have your late night and drinks the second night, especially as you had a late checkout.

All of this!

@Ceci693 he's an infuriating, rude, cockwomble you deserve & can find MUCH better!

Bloody hell, if a young (presumably) man can't have two nights of going out to dinner, without having to go back to the room at five, and go to sleep a couple of hors later for ELEVEN HOURS... I think he needs to get a medical checkup.

🙄

Throw this one back, OP.

You are supposed to be in the early giddy exciting stage, not 'ignoring my feelings so he won't get defensive'. This one isn't for you.

So why would you want to spend any more time with him ?

Putting aside how rude he was to sleep through your weekend together, that you'd arranged as a birthday treat for him, it is this ^ that should make you realise this isn't someone you want to get into a relationship with. Why would any self respecting person want to get into a relationship with someone they are afraid to talk to ?

This is the actual problem with the relationship. A mismatch in sleep schedules can be worked round (and IME is brilliant when you have a small child!). But if you can’t talk to him about it, that’s a problem. He was entirely out of order to expect you to be up and at ‘em at 6am on a weekend away. My husband gets up this early no matter where we are, always has done. But he takes himself off out and finds somewhere to sit and have a coffee until a more reasonable hour. He has never once expected me to be up at that time with him. If you can’t speak to this guy about what he has done wrong, that’s a problem.

Aldo, nobody should be name calling in a relationship. As others have said, throw this one back.

A normal healthy adult doesn’t need to ‘pace themselves’ to stay up past teatime and enjoy a couple of drinks two nights in a row FFS. They had two nights at a hotel, not a week in Magaluf.