Would you find this weird/sad?

[TheGreatGadiBecker]

I live in Canterbury - none of my closest friends, family, or workmates live anywhere nearby. I have two children who are late teens.

Not one person has mentioned the meningitis thing to me at all - nothing jokey, no concern, no interest at all.

Is that weird?! I can't help but find it a bit strange and - strangely - it makes me think people just don't think about me at all. Or don't feel close enough to me to ask or comment. Workmates are constantly in touch but none have said anything about it.

I would never ask you this. I’m not really interested tbh, it’s a handful of people in a mass county, I don’t tend to ask people about reportable diseases. I mean I’m in the area where kids had measles last month and I’ve not given it a thought.

i am interested in stuff like how your kids got on in their GCSEs, or how your mum is after her fall, or how your house move went. Actual things rather than general incidents close to your location

There’s a big difference between not asking ‘Did you have a nice time in France?’ or ‘Is your father recovering well after his surgery?’ When you see them and not randomly messaging asking whether or not someone who lives in a city in which there have been two meningitis fatalities is safe!!

Agree with this, I’ve seen headlines, had no idea where it actually is. And I have a child at university although not Canterbury. Maybe OPs friends just haven’t seen the news.

I remember during Covid there was a phase when counties were divided into tiers, depending on their case numbers. As I recall, tier 3 was high, with a high number of cases. There was a brief period when my county was tier 3, whilst most of the UK was tier 1 or 2. I got a text from a friend asking if I was safe. As if I was in a war zone. It actually irritated me with its crude stupidity, because the high case numbers were in the inner city, and I lived in a village on the edge of the county. (obviously I didn't let on to my friend that I was irritated)

So no, I wouldn't think to check on the health of a friend in Canterbury. There must be many thousands of people there who are completely fine and at no risk of contact at all.

Ok
Op Someone actually asks you about the situation
what would you say? You aren't involved or know the people involved
you are , other than living vaguely near them, totally disconnected from the situation
What would you say to the person asking you the question?

Just put some cryptic messages on social media. Tag yourself in a hospital, that sort of thing.

A lot of people just don’t watch the news these days - too depressing!

I had heard it on the radio this morning though. I have tried googling but none the wiser really - I thought we vaccinated for meningitis? Or are the current uni age kids too old and they missed the vacs? As the owner of a 17 and 19th old I’d be interested to know if they’ve been vaccinated, they’ve had all the shots they’ve been offered.

The Men B vax didn’t become routinely available until 2015. So 2 of my children are vaccinated (one was in the very first tranche) and 1 isn’t. You can pay to have it done privately.

There are better ways to get attention than to expect other people to make the real tragedy of strangers about you.

If you want to make yourself "visible" consider doing some voluntary work, become a community councillor or a member of the school's parent and teacher association.

These are positive things that will get you the visibility you seek without making the grief of others all about you.

I think it’s weird you think it’s weird you haven’t heard from anyone regarding this specifically. I think your overthinking it

I think it’s weird no one has mentioned it, along the lines of - hey OP you live in Kent don’t you, hope you don’t know anyone affected by this. Maybe not colleagues but def family. I spoke to my DM earlier who lives in Kent and she commented simply to say - isn’t it dreadful. It’s just acknowledging that something newsworthy is going on in someone’s area. It would indicate these people are rather disconnected from you, or from life in general.

What a mean thing to say. Op isn’t trying to raise her profile, she’s just wondering what happened to enquiring after folks. When there was the fire in Glasgow I dropped my DS a line to check he was alive as he lives there. When the war started in Iran I sent best wishes to my Iranian friend for the safety of her family. None of us feel invisible or have crushingly low self esteem. It’s just nice to know someone thought about your wellbeing.

Are you prone to overthinking?

You see I think it would be really weird for a family member to say ‘hey, you live in Kent don’t you?’ Of course my family members know where I live!

Yes, I would find that weird. I texted an acquaintance whose child goes to University in Kent. They were grateful for the support.

This
Its centering yourself when actually its nothing to do with you , odd

Exactly. I always contact people if I think they might be affected by an event. I see it as being a good friend and a connected member of society. How weird to make it about attention-seeking.

I totally get what you are saying. I always message friends when I see anything about their home town on what I call the big news. Was flooding in our town a few years ago and many people messaged us to check in. I don’t have any friends in Canterbury but if I did I would def check in with them. So I agree with you they are weird not to

I don’t think I’d contact you about it, or even remember to ask if I was speaking to you about something else. Of course if it came up in conversation I might ask how it’s panning out for you.

But they didn’t need ‘support’, did they?

Waving branches of bamboo around.

Well they were probably feeling worried. A problem shared… as they say.

As I have said thats just how we talk.

I don’t think I’d be expecting messages if it was me, but I think it’s about showing empathy to someone who might be worried. It’s not asking if they’re safe but saying you understand they could be finding it worrying. It’s a check in to show you’ve noticed and you care, rather than not giving a shit! Sad that this is seen as intrusive, nosy or fussing. Whatever you do, you can’t win!

That is not what pandering means.
Here's a definition:

to pander - "to gratify or indulge (an immoral or distasteful desire or taste)".