AIBU to worry about my 19-year-old after his first breakup?

[PeacheyPeach]

Our 19 yr old DS has been in a relationship with his GF for 4 years, real childhood sweethearts. Unfortunately she has decided to break up with him, ( and I totally respect this decision, I feel that my DS has to mature a lot)
He is absolutely heartbroken, he was in floods of tears, he thought he wa s going to be sick, I've been up all night as I just couldn't sleep
I know time is a healer but I'm just so worried about him.
They are in the same friendship group and I can see himself isolating himself,
I'm just so sad for them both and don't know what I can do other than to be there for him. Just wish I could make all this pain go away

I remember my mom just sitting on the end of my bed (and my brother too!) whilst I hid under the covers and cried after I ended my 2yr relationship (20years old and back for University hols). The best piece of advice my mom gave me was just accept the emotions for 6 weeks, don’t do anything rash in that time. In 6weeks the world will look a lot different. She was right!
Mr brother flew to Australia for 4 days after his fist break up haha! Think he wanted to be anywhere but here but only had a weeks annual leave so spent nearly 3 days flying and 4 days in the ground. He said it didn’t really solve anything but did distract him

I hope your poor son finds peace, keep a close eye on him. Echoing another poster I think a good lads holiday even for a week would do him the world of good just to get him into a different environment and may change his mindset. I know it could be seen as running from the situation and he’ll have to come back but it could work.

Test

@aliceinawonderland thank you, food always helps doesn't it! I have got in some of his fave snacks, but yes I think it's going to be a bit of long run I wish it would only be 2 weeks!

@Maraudingmarauders oh imagine the jet leg your brother must have had!
I think distraction at first is what is needed, er have been finding him jobs in the garden with his dad, and he's gone to work again so he is busy in the day again which is better
Your mum's advice sounds great x

@Charel2girl5 thank you, he desperately wants her back I know and that must be so horrible for him, until he gets over her he's not going to have peace, It makes me so sad x oh a trip away would be great for him , even as a distraction x

I also agree with a PP that often they need to go over and over the same thing and just being a good listener is very cathartic for them and helps in the healing process…

@aliceinawonderland yes listening is what they need, I have to resist the urge to jump in and give him advice, it's better for him to talk,
When he is quiet I worry 😔

It is worrying… in one way it’s lovely that he’s sensitive and has the ability to love deeply. However the downside is that he’s more vulnerable.
I made a point of reiterating that my DS could speak at any time even at 2am and he sometimes took me up on it.
It could be a long road though and in many ways will only be cured more quickly by falling in love again with someone else.
Too early to think of that though

@aliceinawonderland I know I think sometimes the only way to get over something like this is to meet someone else, and move on but I'm sure he can't even imagine that yet, and I think when she meets someone that's going to be a difficult time, will probably feel even worse than this does , as I think he's holding out hope they will get back together 😭 😭

I think as mums we feel the pain almost as intensely as they do. Boys deal with it differently. I was chatting with one of DS’s flatmates at the weekend. They have been so supportive of DS over the last 6 months while he’s been struggling. Not girlfriend related, but a relentless series of family horrors that eventually took their toll. Fortunately two of his flatmates are longterm friends from home so understand why he’s been struggling.

Their 4th flatmate has been quietly struggling. They have only known him since starting uni but it sounds like he’s trying to navigate a breakup with his girlfriend without a lot of support. I suggested that they tried to get him to open up. The other three are much more comfortable chatting to each other because they know each other’s history.

I remember when DS’s first love moved on. It was very hard for him since it sort of finalised everything. But it did draw a line under it and he moved on. But the period between them splitting up and it being final wasn’t fun. She did have him on a bunjee which really wasn’t fair. It was her dad that put his foot down. He was fond of DS and was very angry that his daughter was messing him around. He was ex forces and had probably seen his fair share of young men having their hearts broken. Sometimes dads step up.