Caught DP in act with flirty teams messages

[Hanwest]

DP finished work at 3.30 today (WFH this afternoon) but was still on his laptop after this as we are looking at holidays.

He showed me a hotel on his laptop and a message popped up which I read and was obviously not work related. So I asked him to click on it, after saying no he eventually agreed to let me read it.

I am paraphrasing from memory here, but it was along these lines:

Colleague - are you in the office tomorrow?
DP - should be, are you?
Colleague - Yeah, shame I didn’t see you today because that meeting was all morning, skiving again this afternoon I see
DP - miss me did you?
Colleague - well I am your work bestie
DP - if you say so
Colleague - if I have to deal with (man’s name) again this week I will cry
DP - You can put him in his place I’m sure
Colleague - I’ll put you in your place if you skive off again
DP - oh yeah…maybe I’d enjoy that
Colleague - Never had you down as a masochist
DP - i’d try anything once
Colleague - Oooh I’ll remember you said that (emoji)

Its the last message which I saw.

DP was messaging her whilst we were sat booking holidays. He thinks it’s ‘nothing’ and friendly banter with a colleague, who is in a relationship and obviously they are both joking. It’s not a direct colleague but someone in the wider department who sits close to him.

AIBU to find the exchange inappropriate?

Well, he didn't want you to see so he knows it's not just frenly bantz

Yeah I would class this as crossing a line and I definitely wouldn’t be happy with it at all. YANBU!!

It's not only the flirting with this women OP it's the fact that he was thinking about her rather than thinking about his family holiday that is very worrying.
When relationships with colleagues intrude into a person's personal life and become more important than their wife or partner then there is something far wrong.

What was the emoji?

I would say he's being flirtier than she is

do you really need to ask? You bet your life it is inappropriate, although your DH sounds indifferent he’s not actually shutting it down.

if it helps, he will probably sleep with her and dump her immediately after

Would love to know the reasoning behind those voting YABU. He’s literally flirting with his colleague.

The fact he said no at first tells you he knows full well its inappropriate.

Flirty, probably. I'd not be too mithered by it personally but also don't think you're wrong to be.

I think it’s crossing a line, I wouldn’t entertain this from a male colleague, I’m in a long term relationship and this is icky.

The work bestie thing is embarrassing, she might as well offer herself on a plate

Point out to your DP that a work colleague of my husband recently got sacked for similar sort of messages over teams. It's for work not banter and work can track it and it's not appropriate.

FYI both parties got sacked, due to inappropriate use of work IT resources.

Quite. Even if he doesnt respect you or your relationship he needs to reflect on the fact that it could cost him his career

Up to the comment about being a masochist it seemed just banter, that comment seems to have pushed it into flirting.

Definitely flirting. He didn’t want you to see and that tells you everything.

He wouldn't say that to Phil in accounts would he

I think it’s flirting. My ex DH exchanged similar messages with his colleague, they used to get lunch together etc. I’ll never know what went on but he’s my ex now.

From a thread last night i was on when the op kissed and sent messages to another man.

I will say what one poster said- chalk it up to experience know one died.
Also im sure you can move past it no harm done.
Its really not cheating its just messages.
Not your fault you was drunk.

Yes all above was said just because op was a woman.
On this thread because its a man thats done it LTB.

Nobody on this thread has said LTB .

Perhaps you could post a link to the thread where you say those comments were made?I for one wouldn't condone a woman sending inappropriate messages to a man anymore than I would a man doing it.

I dont know how to link however the thread is called (What have i done).

Edit to say that thread as now been taken down.

yes it’s flirting, hes trying to shag her.

He'd have been absolutely fine to show you straight away and not initially said no if he thought it was "nothing" and just friendly banter. Yanbu, it's extremely inappropriate as it is flirting, I'd be fuming.

Not only flirting but embarrassingly inane basic flirting - on both of their parts.

That was my thought too. That shit will get them both fired & divorced. Hell of a thing for him to blow up his whole life for a bit of "harmless banter".