AIBU to think not all husbands are absolutely useless?

[EavanBoland]

AIBU to think not all husbands are absolutely useless??

I love Mumsnet and love the concept of women supporting women, but I constantly see on here how useless men/husbands are. AIBU to say my husband is not perfect but he is certainly not useless - he does his share round the house, he’s an amazing father to our 18 month old DD and for Mother’s Day and all special occasions, he goes all out and makes me feel appreciated and adored. He also does practical things like nappy changes when we are out and about, walking our DD up and down the train so I can enjoy a Prosecco and my magazine. He’s not perfect and I don’t want to come across as a smug wife but are men really all that useless??

Can we have a shout out for the men who have done well today?

Of course YANBU.

There are so many people on here who see one person and then make massive generalisations from their single example, of small circle of family or friends.

That you have written that he does nappy changes as an example of his goodness, demonstrates how low exactly the bar is really.

But, of course many men are competent adults, partners and fathers.

People tend to come to support sites when they have problems. No one starts a post to say things are going fine and I don't need any advice.

Why have a shout out? Are you planning on showing the men in your life this thread so they can feel good?

People with decent partners, know they have have decent partners.

i honestly thought mn was a parallel world until I spoke to my mum today. I am not able to see her this weekend but will do in 3 weekends time (not local) so I asked what dad did for her today/does they do something nice? (I sent a card and flowers). She said no, df doesn’t do anything because he says she’s not his mother. I was shocked because I’ve always thought that was an arsehole mn thing. I can’t believe he wouldn’t willingly acknowledge the mother of his own dc.

DH however is wonderful.

A lot of my friends DH/DPs are beyond useless. I really feel for them. And my Ex H was absolutely useless.

Myself and a few other friends have now married absolutely wonderful men. They still have their flaws, who doesn’t? But we are very happy.

People tend not to talk about when things are good because there’s no real need too I guess? I’d personally only ever post for advice/support.

My DH parents our children well. By that, I mean I can be out for the day/weekend/week and know the kids will be cared for properly and attending what they should. I wouldn’t need to write him instructions.

He is far from perfect but so am I. I would say I definitely still do a bigger share of the mental load but not as much as a lot of other women.

I don’t post threads about him because why would I? I tend to post threads about problems or questions.

There is a lot of men bashing on mm. It does make me wonder if your man is that bad why are you still with him?
I think mm is anti-men, even men who come on here for support, get nasty replies from women.

My DH is very supportive of me, he made mother's day very special for me. Does most of the housework and great with the kids.

No one is perfect, I don't even know what perfect is. It's different for everyone.

If the kids are all grown-up and moved out, it would be odd for the spouse to arrange something where the adult children are not included.

That you have written that he does nappy changes as an example of his goodness, demonstrates how low exactly the bar is really.

But this is always trotted out on Mumsnet when it's pretty clear the OP is simply making a comparison to the useless men we hear so much about.

It doesn't mean she doesn't think it's a completely normal part of parenting.

Sorry but I just find this weird. She’s your mum not his, why would he take her out and do things for Mother’s Day? Each to their own but I certainly won’t be expecting DH to do things when our DC are grown up.

I disagree. I’m not able to be there - my own dh has just had surgery and my brother lives in Canada. Df could easily have acknowledged the day and mum’s role in being the mother to his children. I’m not expecting him to go all out just make it a nice day for dm. I don’t think that’s asking much for the woman you supposedly love.

My DH is brilliant. I understand though that if you say things like that on MN it doesn’t go down well. I’m not going to list out things he does at home or as part of family life but it’s not just about that. It’s the little, essentially pointless, things like sending me stupid things on instagram he thinks I’ll like or picking up my favourite crisps if he’s at the supermarket.

Each to their own. I think when adult dc can’t be there it’s a nice thing to do something to acknowledge the mother of your dc.

@EavanBoland I’ve been with my DH for 26 years, married for 10 this year. We have two wonderful teenage kids and we also work together. He’s my best friend and a fabulous husband and father. Not perfect as no one is. I think I’m the luckiest woman in the world.

Not all men are useless.

I don't think husbands with grown up children need to do anything for their wives for mothers day short of maybe reminding the kids. They should organise it for young kids obviously.

That’s just ridiculous!

Agreed!

Prosecco on the train?

Have you tried to start a thread saying how great some part of your life is?
It does not go down well 😁

You only hear the bad because people offload their troubles.

My husband is great. Pulls more than his own weight, always has. Cooks, cleans, is a fully functioning adult and competent parent. Very caring and considerate.

Are you the dad OP @EavanBolandor your mil if not?

Make it a nice day? By buying overpriced flowers, signing a card from himself to someone that isn’t his mum and going out for a meal with a “special menu” to somewhere they probably already like but would likely be more enjoyable almost any other day of the year?

We did so well bringing up the kids that I’m going to remind you of it all by going out for a meal where there’s kids as far as the eye can see.

Love it. On Mother’s Day let’s take a minute to remember the dads and how they help us. Just tell him.

Yep. My dh is extremely useful rather than useless. Equal sharing of the load all round. Actually he does more than me, especially cooking. He was out all day today, but that doesn't remotely bother me - I'm not interested in a big fuss on mothers' day. I got some lovely flowers from dd20 and a nice present from ds17. When they were littler, dh organised cards, presents etc. Loads of husbands do seem to be wastes of space though.

I can't imagine why DH would do anything for me for mother's day once DS leaves home. I'm not his mum.
He has always been a good dad and husband, but that's it.