People should make an effort on Mother's day.

[madaboutpurple]

I feel sorry for the Mum's who were disappointed with Mother's day presents or lack of them. At Christmas it was full of messages about husband's who made little effort. Now there are loads of messages from Mum's who got nothing. People need to be a lot more generous. I was given flowers from the supermarket manager and I am not a mum.

That's the best kind of gift ever x

How on earth is it misogyny that my MIL is not the type of woman to celebrate Mother’s Day? She just isn’t. I know what she’d say if my husband turned up with flowers or tried to take her out. She doesn’t like meals out, she doesn’t display cards, she doesn’t do long baths or light candles. She wants to take long hilly walks with her dogs and not alter her routine for anything.

They talk a lot and are close and I know they value the relationship they have, but if he started trying to “celebrate” her she’d laugh him out of the room.

I’m not against anyone celebrating Mother’s Day if that’s what they want to do. I have simply never wanted to and my husband is aware of that fact. We don’t make a big fuss for birthdays either. We’re fortunate that we are very happy together and I don’t ever feel unappreciated. If I want to buy myself a treat I’ll do it (or he’ll do it). If I want a day on the weekend off to go and be by myself because I need a break - a spa day or just a stack of books I want to get through - I’ll tell him a few days in advance, and I’ll do it.

Our relationship very much works by us both telling the other one what we want/ need when we want/ need it and the other one listening and responding appropriately. I really don’t see how this is a problem or makes me a misogynist.

We don't need to spend lots of money on chocolates, presents etc. It just takes a bit of thought & effort. A hand made card, help with house work that they wouldn't normally do is worth so much more than an expensive present & lunch out. It's the showing of appreciation of your mum that matters. My ds is deployed abroad with the military & still managed to remember to get onto Moonpig to send a card

The implication that there is a 'type of woman' who does celebrate Mother's Day is what I object to. In reality we all individuals. Your MIL may well not want to celebrate Mother's Day and this is her prerogative but my similarly no nonsense Mother does like to celebrate the day. Not in the traditional sense with flowers and presents but by having everyone together for a meal. That's also absolutely fine. She isn't a different 'type' of woman to your MIL. Just individuals doing what suits them.

If a woman likes flowers and presents then that isn't making a fuss. That is acknowledging them in the way they want. It's not silly or excessive or unnecessary. You might not want it or your MIL but that doesn't make you different types of women or mean other women are making a fuss.

I suppose at the heart of my discomfort is that there is a belittling of the day which ultimately will make it harder for those that want to celebrate to get the acknowledgement they want and quite frankly deserve. They aren't making a fuss or being a different type of woman. They simply want something that they do that is hard and involves sacrifices to be acknowledged in a way that they feel seen and cherished. They aren't being difficult, greedy or hoodwinked by commercial organisations. Their want to celebrate is valid and important

Yes I agree. My dds made me feel very special but spent hardly any money

I'm 'together in a thoughtful way' with my kids every day. I want the day marked in some special way thanks v much

I'm wondering about the posts mentioning specific instruction / training in terms of expectations. If you have to tell them what you want them to do , what pleasure do you get out of it?

They're completely different things. I know that and you know that.

Exactly. I've never "trained" my husband to do anything for my benefit. We treat each other just fine and I feel very appreciated. We get each other things, go out, etc. We do all of this without ever once having observed any commercialised arbitrary fluff 'holidays'.

My view is that if you're relying on "special days" to cue your nearest and dearest into recognising your needs, you either have misplaced needs or married an asshole. Change one or both of those things and you'll be happier.

well as far as Bunches Uk is concerned - They still havent delivered the tracked 24 hour delivery to my 89 year old mother ( who, I like to make feels special whilst a) she is still here and b) still remembers !).. They happily said to say well yes it can take a bit longer to get to this area so it may arrive on Tuesday .... Well if they knew that WTF didnt they send it earlier?.. I make my mum feel special whenever I can and everyone is different .....

I think this misses the point if it just focused on what you want and you will innevitably be disappointed at some point. A child who makes you a lovely card and picks a flower out of the garden is a priceless gift.

The idea of a mother who demands the way in which she should be appreciated by her children is somewhat odd and a little distasteful.

Say everyone forgets to appreciate you? Buy some flowers make a cup of tea and have some cake with your family and let them know we are doing this to celebrate Mothering Sunday?!

I heard some old biddy on the bus saying the lunch they booked was ‘ruined’ because the husband ‘didn’t get dressed up’ (face/palm)

Because that’s how we often show gratitude. It doesn’t mean it has to be extravagant. I bet in the 16th century they did the same - but on a much smaller scale!

Well it's much more pleasurable to get what you wanted even if you had to ask for it rather than the total lack of pleasure from not getting what you wanted because you expect someone to read your mind. It's also generally just beneficial to communicate what you want to people, it makes you feel better than feeling like you can't ask for anything for your own benefit. I'd think if it's the father of your children you're planning on spending a life together so why not tell them clearly what you want one year and then they know for years to come what level of celebration or effort you expect.

Exactly this. It's a made-up day. OK, make something of it if you want to do something for the economy - but otherwise - just get on with your life and don't create something to get upset about.

I agree with you. We should be able to think about our loved ones and show them how much we love them. TBH, you don't even need grand gestures. A lovely card with a personalised message, a shoulder massage, doing something for someone, taking a load from their plate, taking them somewhere etc... A gift is nice too of course.

I think the whole thing is weird. It isn't appreciate your partner day, it's mothers day. So if the sentiment isn't from your child then I really don't see the point. By all means help a child to do something, but when it's a toddler and people are frothing over their husband not going all out I think it's odd. Similarly when people get all annoyed over their partner actually wanting to see their mother on mothers day.

In a way you're right, it's actually mothering Sunday which originally had nothing to do with mums it was about people visiting their mother church where they were baptised and meeting up with their family, far too commercialised, so much emphasis is put on things like mother's day and valentines day, it's like any care and effort shown on any of the other 364 days off the year is deemed null & void due to the overwhelming disappointment of not getting a store bought card, breakfast in bed & a present on 1 single day.

Expectations vary so much between families and with the increasing commercialisation of all of these "occasions", people expect much more than a card and a hug these days, and it's getting daft (in my opinion).

When you look back at the origins of Mother's Day it's either described as a day to go back to your "mother" Church (as part of Lent), or it's about mums downing tools for the day and heading off together for drink, dancing and general wild abandon...so all and any forms of celebration are acceptable! The important thing is that we feel valued...but ideally all year round, not just on one day.