People should make an effort on Mother's day.

[madaboutpurple]

I feel sorry for the Mum's who were disappointed with Mother's day presents or lack of them. At Christmas it was full of messages about husband's who made little effort. Now there are loads of messages from Mum's who got nothing. People need to be a lot more generous. I was given flowers from the supermarket manager and I am not a mum.

Trained? Such a bizarre concept.
Do your best to bring up your DC to be decent human beings. Appreciate the ways they choose to appreciate you as their parent.

I love mothers day. Why should women put up and shut up. Bollocks to that.

One of them is 4 years old! Why can't he be taken to a shop and given £5 to spend on his mum?

Happy wife. Happy life, same goes for an ex wife.

Ok , I agree that it is nice to get / make / spend some time with your mum if you are able to (obviously not everyone can or has a good relationship). But if you do , it's nice to at least make a gesture.

BUT you sound like a kid at Xmas. It's not about being pampered or fancy gifts.its about appreciating your mum .
I got two home made cards and some flowers and a lie in. I have the luxury of a partner that can make this happen as well. Not every mum has someone to go out and get the flowers/ look after the kids. So you sound a bit sulky.

I totally agree with earlier posters you need to set out your expectations as well. No one can read minds! Try communicating what you want better.

Calm down. When I say 'trained' I mean over many years I have made it plain to them how much I appreciate effort over spending money. From a young age I always got them to make handmade cards for other family members/each other so they see this as a normal way to express your appreciation for others. They are now all thoughtful and decent teenagers.

This is what I think too, would far rather go out for a spontaneous meal than one that costs three times the price just because it’s Mother’s Day!

This is exactly what I think Mother’s Day & Valentines Day shouldn’t be. Each to his own but I think laying down expectations is terrible. It’s just a commercial cesspit

Not true. I love the cards and the flowers I get. I'd be happy with home made gifts too. It's nice to spread a little joy.

Life is more complex than this, OP.
Not everyone likes/has a good relationship with their mother.
Some mothers have unreasonable expectations, and attempt to manipulate their partners or children.
If someone has to bully or guilt another person into giving them a gift, then it's not worth having.
Above all, as others have said, it's a church day that has been hijacked by commercial companies, so it's perfectly reasonable to want to opt out of all the excess.

Also to add, my own mother was disabled my whole life and died in 2017 so I want to reclaim the day as my own. It's never as black and white as it appears.

Not your fault at all. Its a fact of life that the rewards young men get from pleasing their girlfriends are of higher value to them than those they get from pleasing their mums!

Can I point you to the thread in which the woman is complaining her daughter made her afternoon tea with shop-bought sandwiches instead of homemade....?

Bit different though isn't it?

Mothers / Fathers Day, Valentines Day, Christmas are all mass manufactured, commercialised events and completely bypass what these days / celebrations were all about in the first place. Supermarkets, websites, shops, restaurants all go completely overboard in the weeks and months running up to these dates making people feel bad if they're not participating.

Birthdays are purely a celebration by your own family and friends of the day you were born. Not an excuse for shops to coin it in selling overpriced garbage.

I’m a single parent and when my DC were younger I would take them to Tesco with a fiver each to pick some tat I didn’t need so that they wouldn’t miss out. I would just wait at the door.
Sometimes school or nursery would do something too.
No need to miss out

Commercialised nonsense.
People can make an effort to spoil their mum at any time of year and it would be more meaningful

I think people should remember about their mothers all the time, not only at Christmas or Mother's Day.

Well I had the best mother's day ever. Got a free slices of cake & 2 half price chickens in Morrisons. Usually miss out on this kind of thing. Came home to dd2 (17) spring cleaning her bedroom without being asked! (Yes, it's an annual thing!) Dd1 (22) who's in Bangkok facetimed me and the 2 dds gave me a card with a poem inside they'd written together. They then played me a recording of them singing it to the tune of a song we all like. It was very touching & funny. I couldn't care less about presents, they had put so much thought into it together and didn't cost anything

Dd2 did also give me a present she'd won in a tombola but that's fine, I don't want her wasting her money

I do agree that it is too commercialised. The origin of Mothering Sunday has nothing to do with doing something for your mum

As a mum I don’t expect to be given lots, I’m fortunate that throughout the year if I really need something we tend to give eachother random gifts. But I do expect to be acknowledge. A day where I’m expected to do nothing and pampered. Or the opposite, a day where I’m supported to do something I love like a hobby I never get to do. As the kids are small I do expect effort to come from dad.

My favourites have always been the cards and gifts the children make from school/nursery. But I think all mums should be acknowledged and just thanked really.

Well it is a day steeped in Christian history from the Middle Ages it has altered to not mean exactly the same thing but it is very much a part of our cultural history.

It has altered from a celebration of the Mother Church (where you were Christened) to embody all mothers, surely that is a beautiful thing. A card, letter, phonecall or just being together in a thoughtful way is all that's needed.

Guess what? You can celebrate Mother's Day and remember about your mum all the time. The two things aren't mutually exclusive.

I don't understand how anyone can be against a day that is used to celebrate and acknowledge mothers. We see on this forum everyday the sacrifices that women make for their children and the amount of effort, time and energy it takes to raise a child. Mothers still overwhelmingly do the majority of parenting and domestic work to support children and this absolutely deserves recognition and praise. It is important for the wellbeing and prospects of the children and for society as a whole. Where would we be without mothers doing what they do?

The day has been commercialised but so has every festival and special day. It doesn't mean that we automatically shouldn't celebrate them. The eagerness to downplay a day that celebrates women and specifically mothers makes me sad.

Let's do away with international woman's day as well whike we're at it. I mean we should appreciate women everyday

This is what I think.

We don’t do Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) which is our choice and something we discussed when our first was just a baby.

If I wanted my husband to go all out and make a fuss (via the children) I’d have communicated that to him. He doesn’t do anything for his own mother, who he is actually very close to and is not the kind of woman to want to celebrate, so it would need spelling out. But if I did want to celebrate and did explain this to him, he’d go along with it.

See I find this interesting. This isn't a comment on your particular situation but more the general approach you've taken and language you've used in what appears to be a neutral post but obviously isn't.

I think billing Mother's Day as being to equivalent to Father's Day only makes sense when men do 50% of the work involved with raising a child, make 50% of the sacrifices and are 50% of the single parents. In a world where we have such a huge imbalance still towards women then I think Mother's Day should enjoy a higher status to reflect this. Agreeing to not celebrate either would impact the parent who puts the most into parenting the most.

I also think the idea that celebrating the day is making a 'fuss' is also problematic. The definition of making a fuss implies that there is unnecessary or excessive commotion over something relatively minor. Being a mother is not minor and all that mothers do deserves to be acknowledged and recognised in the same way we acknowledge anyone else that makes large sacrifices for others. You also describe your Husband's mother as 'not the type of woman' who wants to celebrate the day. Even this smacks of misogyny and is a weird attempt to belittle women who might want to celebrate. I can guess exactly what you think of the 'type' of women who like to 'make a fuss'.